I'm tense as I write this, I'm trying so hard not to think about swallowing but I can't. I feel like I'm swimming and I have to come up for air and I'm compelled to swallow, the tension WILL NOT GO AWAY unless I swallow. how did it ever get like this?!
I don't know how to get rid of the stupid thought, it's like running into a brick wall, a mental block that it insurmountable. My throat is hurting now and I can't keep doing this. Everything else in my life comes second to this monster. It's like every so often I have to swallow whether I need to or not and I have to find a new way to think.
I'm ashamed to be beaten by a normal, natural function.