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Thread: fear of dying

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    1,310

    Re: fear of dying

    This is the root of my health anxiety. It came on when my daughter was born because suddenly someone relied on me almost completely and that thought totally overwhelmed me. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if I was gone. Now, she's 5 and I still get this fear only it's both about how sad she would be if I died and also what a tragedy it would be to miss out on her life since she's such an amazing person. When I get into a big spiral about this, though, I try to think that if my fear is missing out of life/the people in my life then the best thing I can do is not waste time worrying about when I'm not here and start focusing on right now, when I am.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    113

    Re: fear of dying

    I think a lot of us on here have this fear which is inevitably the cause of our health anxiety. I don't fear being dead as such, there's either some form of afterlife (I'm agnostic so not religious) or you just kind of go to sleep. None of them seem particularly terrifying. However the way we are going to go and knowing you are going to go (ie being given a terminal diagnosis) are what I worry about. This seems like an extremely distressing situation. And the thought of not being able to see my children grown up makes my heart ache and I feel terribly for people in that situation.

  3. #13

    Re: fear of dying

    Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    4,045

    Re: fear of dying

    I have this sort of anxiety I often get like flash forward images of situations where I could die, some kind of thoughts about what happens or flash forwards of disasters and slipping away. Just wondering if anybody has had this sort of thing? It’s never like dying of old age it’s some tragedy with a loved on there maybe others can relate?

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    4,045

    Re: fear of dying

    With the coronavirus on the news daily all I read is deaths deaths deaths and it’s very depressing it’s made me think about my own self now how I won’t live forever. I believe the news has been the trigger

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    1

    Re: fear of dying

    I had a turning point in my life. I was nine years old. Grandmother reported that my uncle was dead. At that time he was 28 years old.
    Since then, it seems to me that I will die early.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    203

    Re: fear of dying

    hi everyone i struggle with fear of dying for me its the fear of leaving my husband and kids ,i have health anxiety and of course they go together pretty well. i wrote a big speech about talking together with somebody who has these fears and be helped and helping somebody through this. I have struggled with people dying as a child always struggling to under stand and not wanting to face fears of it happening.My health anxietys always makes it me who dies or is dying and i feel selfish but it is the fear of not being there for my loved ones that scares me.I have recentky found a lump and of course knowing that the travola family are suffering after kellie travoltas cancer is so saddening to me .Hoping to talk to somebody who unfortuntely thinks like me.
    samantha

  8. #18

    Re: fear of dying

    I hate that this is a thing for me, and the worst part is that it's not directly related to taking my last breath or leaving people behind

    for me: it's little things that trigger it

    last week, for example, I baught a new handheld fan and I held it in my hand and it was really powerful

    and I immediately thought... well I'm holding it now, but 1 day I won't be able to, and it will go to waste

    and it's the same when I buy dvds or... basically anything that means anything to me.

    I have started to cut down on new cds and dvds and other stuff just in case.

    honestly I think my fear is more... well, I can't take my posessions with me. they will be lonely

    sounds sad I know. but that's how I feel.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1,347

    Re: fear of dying

    My FIL passed away yesterday morning. He'd been unconscious for two days, in no pain, and was snoring like a freight train. He left this world without fuss or fanfare. His was a good death. Sure, there was discomfort in the weeks leading up to his death, but the same can be said of birth.

    Death isn't the enemy. It's as natural as birth and every living thing will eventually die. Even Bruce Forsyth went in the end, and he was three hundred years old!

    The enemy is fear of the unknown. Most people don't know what it's like to die, so we imagine all sorts of crap. However, some people die and come back to tell the tale -known as NDEs.

    Almost every person who has had a near death experience comes back giving zero shits about death and dying, so if you fear these things, maybe take a look at NDEs? There are plenty of NDE accounts out there, and if we have an idea of what death will be like, we are less likely to fear it, no?

    I haven't had a fear of death, itself, since my gran paid me a visit one morning when I was 13, and she'd been dead for seven years, but I've definitely had a problem with becoming ill and leaving my son before my job of getting him to independence is done... nothing in this life has scared me more! But I overcame that, with a lot of effort on my part, but I'd like to share some of the things that I've learned along the way to acceptance...

    If you can imagine a horrible scary death for yourself, you can also imagine the one you'd want to have.

    Be mindful that 'stuff' won't matter in the end. You won't give a shit about your CD's or the nice car in the drive. Love is all that will matter. I found that out during my first 'heart attack' which turned out to be a severe panic attack. All I wanted to do was crawl into my son's room so I could see him one last time. Nothing else mattered!

    Plan your funeral: It's going to happen one day. That's a cert, so why not plan for this event as you would a birth? Entrances and exits, folks. Can't have one without the other. My funeral was planned when I was convinced I was dying, but I actually got a lot of comfort from doing it. I've planned everything from the music, to the pictures (because my husband's idea of a 'nice' photo is completely different to mine ) to the eulogy, to the verses from Matt Haig's, 'The Humans'. I've done the lot. All people have to do is turn up and listen. It's me saying goodbye to those I love, in my own words - in my own way. I've sat through so many impersonal funerals with vicars rambling on about somebody they've never known, and that just doesn't work for me.

    Think of each day as if it was your last. Would you really want to waste it by worrying?

    Remind yourself that, yes, you're going to die, but you're alive now. It's up to you how you live this moment.

    And this next one is especially helpful...

    Every time you have a fearful thought about death or dying - such as, 'I'M SO TERRIFIED OF DYING. I CAN'T STAND THIS!!' you will be using your inner voice, so try and change the tone by rethinking this terrifying thought only this time by using a funny voice like the Lego Batman or Johnny Bravo (ya might need to Google him) or whoever makes you laugh!

    You can go further and imagine them in their undies or wearing a gimp suit - kind of like Harry Potter and the Boggart type deal? Not gimp suits, obvs. But the idea was to take what they feared (spiders etc) and make it 'Riddikulus!' by giving it roller skates. Doing this removes fear from the thought, so the body doesn't trigger the stress response. On the contrary, it releases the happy hormones..

    I'm trying to stay alive so I can finish my job, but death doesn't scare me at all. When it comes, it will be a release after a challenging life. I'm rather looking forward to not having to feel all the heavy crap that I drag around with me everyday. I have accepted that I can't control when I die. All I can do is try to give my body a helping hand by eating well and keeping my stress levels down, and should I become ill with some disease which threatens my existence, I will deal with it because I want to go out with grace and dignity - not kicking and screaming. That's not how I want to be remembered..
    __________________
    There is a light. There is. Look for it. Look for it shining over your shoulder, on the past. It was light where you went once. It is light where you are now. It will be light where you will go again. ~ Jennifer Worth

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