Things are looking up ! Well,.. sort of

[Oceanblue]

This isn't exactly a success story, but things are definately looking up.

For those that don't know I've been in hospital care, having been allowed time out on the odd occassion. Last weekend, unfortunately went arse up, but I'm not going to be talking about that . The hospital are unaware ( there's no point in saying anything, it's now in the past and all I want to do is to concentrate in getting my future sorted ). At least my family know - bf, dad and bro and they are always around if I was to ever freak again.

Today I asked the Pdoc if I could possibily go home every evening and come back in the mornings and stay for the days only. After some umming and arrghing, both him and his collegue agreed . I can then be monitored throughout the day and if I have a bad day will have to stay, (which is fair enough), otherwise i'm free to go home and spend time with my kids here rather than in that horrible hospital toy room.

My 10yr old son doesn't seem all that fussed , i'm sure he's already hormonal . But my 6yr old daughter is over the moon, she's so happy and so am I !!

This could mean, I have no worries about our holiday in a couple of weeks time,.. god I hope so ! I'm feeling confident that things are going to turn out fine.

I can't wait to start a new day tomorrow, I just hope I wake up feeling just as determined. I really want to do this so much and help myself to get fully well again, with no more games. I'm sure once the med's start working fully, I should have no problem.

I have written lists and lists of what I want to do when I'm out, what I want to achieve and how to make myself a better healthier person.

No more self destructive behaviour, no more games, no more alcohol. I want to stick to the meds and change my life around. I want to learn the tools in how to keep control of this illness and keep at it, take all the help I can get and stick with it. I realise it's not going to be easy, it's gonna be bloody hard, but i'm gonna give it my best shot.

[london]

well done told you your get better

[spaced]

hi katie
glad to hear your sounding more postive about your future, don't rush these things take time.
Take care

[Oceanblue]

Thank you.

I'm feeling just as bright as yesterday. Doc's have said that I still need to give the med's sometime to work, and they are still increasing the dosage accordingly to the level where they feel I will be balanced.

I realise I'm still on a slight high and I understand that this could change at anytime, especially if I was to fail at something I wish to make better, this would be a trigger for me and I could go either way. But all is looking good and positive, and I need to be aware of how to deal with things, if this were to happen.

I'm going to try and change my ways and deal with this illness in the right way.

Today, I'm going to carry on writing and planning and I will also spend some time drawing, I can stay out on the grounds with somebody with me as it's such a nice day.

Thanks to those that have supported me throughout this time.

Best get a move on now.

Have a good day all xxx

[courtney]

Good for you Katie on feeling better.
I try every morning to wake with positive thoughts.Thangs have been 95% or manybe I should say 100% better than this time last year. I'm now taking Remeron since last November, and jusy found the most wonderful therapist only 4 weeks ago and just this last Sunday went to my 1st Al anon meeting by her suggestion.
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would be feeling this goog. Of course I have bad days, but they don't last into weks and months like they did before..
Good luck and all my best wishes for you.
Courtney

[melody]

Good work!

Don't be too hard on yourself if u aren't perfect. None of us are. You can do your best & that's the best u can do Be proud of who u r