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Thread: How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here..

  1. #1
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    How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here..

    Hi there Everyone,

    As some of you may know, i have suffered with panic attacks, anxiety, social anxiety, and agoraphobia. For anyone suffering with these problems i can honestly say that it is possible for you to cure yourself. However, you don't suddenly become thin overnight when you start exercising, you need to maintain this PATTERN so that you don't fall back into your old ways and become fat again. You have chosen a pattern of living that makes you feel anxious, now is the time to choose a pattern that makes you feel relaxed and happy about life.

    First of all, you CHOOSE ( even if you are choosing to feel miserable and anxious) to feel every emotion that you feel in your life. We are the only animals that have the gift of CHOICE, this is our ultimate FREEDOM, and this is why...

    Everytime you make a desicion whether it be concious or subconcious, you have a STIMULUS (situation- whatever provokes anxiety) --you then have a CHOICE ( Space where you make the decision)--- and once you have chosen, you have your RESPONSE( your reaction to the thing that has provoked anxiety).

    All you need to do to control your anxiety is realise this, at the moment you are reacting to the situation. You are not spending enough time making the CHOICE to choose your response, you are letting your subconcious choose for you. The space is small, you need to expand this space. ULTIMATELY you choose your response to everything in your life, you are in ultimate control.

    You are choosing to feel anxiety at the moment. Now here is how to CHOOSE not too.

    If i were to say to you don't think about blue, whatever you do don't think about blue, what colour would you be thinking about ? BLUE right?

    Okay so now i say, don't think about anxiety , whatever you do don't think about your anxiety, what do you think about - your anxiety ?

    SO...if you want not to have anxiety:

    1. FIRST don't try not to think about it.
    2. Find something to focus on ( what you focus on is what you become"!) so focus on something fulfilling, energising, something that inspires you, makes you feel like you are contributing. DISTRACT your mind.
    3. Feel the fear or anxiety and do it anyway...the longer you spend dwelling on it, the more intense it becomes and the more you are drained of your life energy. It's bad to focus on oneself so much, try being more helpful to people around you.. volunteer at a charity, take the focus off yourself.
    4. Cultivate a passion- what do you really want to do, set a goal, then take steps to make it happen.
    5. DISIPLINE- this means you are in control!! when you say something to yourself you do it, it gives you conviction in yourself. Take action when you say you will. You will realise you are in control.
    6. CHOICE- make the choice, you are choosing to be where you are now, if you don't like it , or how you feel, change it.
    7. Start asking questions? Ask your mind constructive questions not negative ones. If you ask your mind why do you feel so bad.. it will find an answer. the brain responds to what you ask it, it will answer any question, so make sure you ask the RIGHT kinds of questions. For example. What can i do to make myself feel better today? Ask empowering questions.
    8. There is no such thing as the future. There is only NOW! Make yourself feel good in this moment ( not through alchol or drugs mind). Concentrate on now and the future will take care of itself.
    9. There is no such thing ask a mistake...don'T beat yourself up so much, life is a learning experience, everytime you fail, you have learnt one more way how not to do something, and eventually you will find the way that works. Just keep trying and don't be disheartened.
    10. Evaluate your life. Make a plan..You wouldn't start driving without knowing where you were going ( what your destination is) or you would end up anywhere, or nowhere. Definately not in the place you want to be, so then why do you entrust your mind to know exactly where you want and are going in your life? Isn't that just madness..

  2. #2
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    My therapist has me do an exercise called the "situation thought log". Basically it's a simple chart with 3 columns. In the first column, you list a situation (any situation will do). Then in the next column, you list your feelings (my therapist gave me a huge list of every feeling imaginable). In the third column, you write down what you are feeling in the situation.
    The idea of the exercise is to see how your thoughts affect your feelings, not the other way around. The key is controlling your thoughts. You're right, Janey, it's about a choice.

  3. #3
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    Good post Janey! All good points in my opinion.

    Just a few thoughts to add.

    I think when you talk about 'choice' and 'response', you are spot on. It is all down to our response which comes through our choice.

    What many people have great struggles with (and I'm not just talking about anxiety sufferers, although it applies to them greatly) is the fact that they try and control their surroundings.

    Say, if something hurts you, then you try to protect yourself from it, and the way we usually go about this is to eliminate the object that hurt you.

    To cut a long story short, if we can control our surroundings, then we can eliminate danger.

    My quote at the bottom applies to this directly. The fact is, we can't eliminate danger, it's not possible. Yet the majority of the population strive to achieve just that. It is a fruitless task. We have no control whatsoever over our surroundings. The whole time we are doing this we are just running round in circles like a dog chasing its tale. We're chasing an idealistic view that is nothing more than fantasy.

    I think all of us here are probably guilty of this to some extent. There has been times when we've played the victim, or still do. Question's rush through our minds 'why me?', 'what have i done to deserve this?', why does nothing work out the way I want it to?', or the all too common 'if only...' statements, 'if only there wasn't so many people', 'if only cars didn't drive so fast', 'if only...then things would be perfect for me'.

    Well, truth is, nothing is perfect. And we have no control over that, it's what we've got so we just have to live with it the way it is. It's very important to make an effort to accept that fact.

    The one thing we do have control over, is our own actions.

    This is exactly where it enters into your philospophy. We can't control the actions of our surroundings, but we can control our reactions towards them.


    However...

    You state very strongly that you CHOOSE each and every one of your actions.

    This is very true to a large extent. But I feel that putting too much emphasis on it can be off putting. For example, when someone goes out and they begin to feel panic welling up, they immediately refer back to the main points that they remember. So, they think 'I have the choice to control this, right?'. They then become disheartened when they seem unable to make the choice not to be anxious.

    Don't get me wrong, I agree with your points, I'm just putting my 2 cents into the jar, from my perspective with the hope of filling any gaps.

    Your points still hold true, but I'd like to emphasise your first point, that this can't be controlled overnight. When you strongly emphasise that you have the choice with your reactions, it can lure people into thinking that the choices you make can 'flick a switch'. When it comes to anxiety, they can't. Unfortunately, it's a process that unfolds over time.

    In a sense, anxiety can't be controlled. Not in the direct sense anyway. Like you say, if you try not to think of it, you'll think of nothing but.

    But, also like you say, a series of your own actions, or responses, can make an incredible difference over time. One powerful 'reaction' that you can make when faced with anxiety, is to accept that it's there. Accept that right now, this is how you feel. It is often your struggles with fighting your anxiety that drag you deeper into it.

    Although I know this is what you're saying, I guess what I feel needs emphasised, is that our anxiety is a result of a series of our responses and reactions. It is not a choice to switch off our anxiety directly, but a choice to change our responses/reactions which inevitably lead us to our anxiety.


    I hope that makes sense. Anyone, please feel free to clarify or discuss what I'm trying to say, I'm not sure if I do a good job of it sometimes



    mico

    'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no s

  4. #4
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    Two good posts Janey and Mico.

    So Mico when the person has set off on their walk and they feel the panic rising but they can't remember thinking a scary thought but that first wave has come (can't think who I'm talking about lol) what could they do then????

    Love Piglet

    PS: your posts always make sense to me Mico[8D]

    "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
    "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

  5. #5
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    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
    So Mico when the person has set off on their walk and they feel the panic rising but they can't remember thinking a scary thought but that first wave has come (can't think who I'm talking about lol) what could they do then????
    <div align="right">Originally posted by Piglet - 18 September 2005 : 17:33:37</div id="right">
    </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    You mean there is no thought to trigger the anxiety, which in your mind effectively leaves you with no escape from the anxiety?

    First point to make, is that there is always a thought which triggers it.

    However, if you delve deep into your mind, you may well discover several layers of thought bundled on top of one another. Most of the lower layers you may well have never noticed before, these are the ones that just seem to power up by themselves, and the layers go right down deep into the subconcious. Apologies for going a little deep into this, but I don't believe there is an actual line between the subconscious and the conscious mind, rather it is a progressive rise into the conscious mind. Layer upon layer, starting from the bottom (layer 1 in the subconcsious) and working its way to the top (layer x in the conscious).

    Anyways, don't spend too much time thinking about that. The bottom line is, there are many thoughts you don't notice. Some are so deep down that your conscious mind barely registers them. Others pass through so quick that the conscious mind has little time to process them. All it takes is a fraction of a second for that negative thought to pass through your mind, you rarely notice these consciously but the anxiety has already begun to well up.

    This is where anxiety can become very confusing. It is also where it can become very dificult to control directly.

    If you look at all of Janey's points, none of them attempt to control anxiety directly.

    Go back to the point of trying to forget. The more you try, the harder it is to forget. Similarly, the more you try to push your anxiety away, the stronger it comes back at you.

    It can be confusing, and you're right to ask questions. The idea is to control your anxiety, but by means of not controlling your anxiety.

    Claire Weekes explains this philosophy very well. I'm not sure if you've read her books, but I would recommend them. Although she certainly isn't the only source of this philosophy, it's a philosophy that has been developed over thousands of years.

    In particular, look at her philosophy of acceptance.

    looking at it in the context of your scenario:.

    You're out for a walk and suddenly the panic monster rears its head, the anxiety is starting to well up and you can feel it elevating.

    Well, by that time it's a little late to stop the thought that triggered it, that moment has passed regardless of whether you seen it. The reality of the situation is that the panic is rising.

    Ask yourself now, why will the anxiety continue to rise?

    The most likely answer is that you fear the outcome. The anxiety's going to just continue to build, and build, and build, until you're going to start shaking, screaming maybe even, you're going to be running up and down the road like a headless chicken, but a screaming one, right? At least that's what your mind is telling you at the time.

    So, you obviously don't want that to happen and you try your hardest to fight your anxiety. As you fight it, the anxiety is fighting back, thoughts are being thrown both ways. All this really serves to do, is to bring your attention directly to your anxiety and you can't think of nothing but.

    Accepting your situation is a difficult thing to do because, as you know, it's unpleasent. In fact, the word 'unpleasent' probably doesn't mean much to most of us, I'm su

  6. #6
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    Janey and Mico really good posts, and all so true, and i agree Mico i used to fight my anxiety head on and it used to fight me back even more, it was always stonger than me and always won. I have learnt now when it 'waves' over me instead of fighting it i just think about something else, and it just seems to evaporate. I used to run to try to escape it and it just used to run after me, and it was always ****** faster than me cause it always caught me. But not anymore, i think of it like someone who would bully you, if they get a reaction out of you then they do it even more, but if they can see it doesnt bother you they soon get fed up and leave you alone, im not sure if i am making sense, but hey i know what i mean lol.
    Take care
    Trac xx

    its "just a thought"

  7. #7
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    [Wow!] What great post Janey and Mico,

    I have this information all up in my head, but there is NO Way I could write it down or explain it like you two have.

    Many thanks

    LOVE JILLXX


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    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">But not anymore, i think of it like someone who would bully you, if they get a reaction out of you then they do it even more, but if they can see it doesnt bother you they soon get fed up and leave you alone, im not sure if i am making sense...
    <div align="right">Originally posted by trac67 - 18 September 2005 : 19:13:02</div id="right">
    </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    Makes perfect sense.

    Apologies to Janey too, I feel like I've hijacked her thread [:I]

    Some posts I see and it inspires me to post. After that I just can't help myself.


    Edit:

    Jill

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I have this information all up in my head, but there is NO Way I could write it down or explain it like you two have.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    I'm still trying to explain it

    And still feeling like I'm failing miserably at it. I honestly think in the exact same way as you.

    In fact I was just thinking that this is probably one of the reasons all my posts end up so long. Because I'm constantly trying to explain myself and just going on and on trying to really get to the point I was trying to make (which is in my mind, but putting it into words is another thing altogether!).

    In all honesty, I never feel like I get to the point exactly. I've probably missed loads out, so if anyone cares to correct me, please do, I learn just as much from this as anyone else does.

    In future Jill, try writing your thoughts down, you never know, you might surprise yourself.



    mico



    'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'

  9. #9
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    Right guys, everything does make sense and yes I love Claire Weekes (may go over the acceptance bit again though) but the problem is everything you're saying I can achieve as long as I don't have an audience.

    I was just getting to the stage of letting it wash over me in places like Homebase and sitting on a bus (accompanied) and then feel I've lost it again. If I panic at home with only the kids in, or my best mate, or on my own I can apply all that you are saying and it WORKS, which is obviously why I am happy at home.

    Now how do I take it PUBLIC when I am so scared of having a panic attack and being embarassed in front of other people and them thinking I'm looney (I can see I obviously have a major hang up here of what other people think of me and yet I don't want to be like that and tell my kids that they can't please all of the people all of the time).

    So if I can do it at home how can I take it further and achieve this in the big wide world in practical terms????

    Love Piglet

    "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
    "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

  10. #10
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    Hi Piglet,

    I think you've answered yourself. Quote..........

    "Now how do I take it PUBLIC when I am so scared of having a panic attack and being embarassed in front of other people and them thinking I'm looney"

    You've already set yourself up to panic in your mind before you meet other people. I know how it feels and all I can say is you've just got to go with it. I think Claire Weekes says "UTTER" acceptance. You just have to accept it will happen and accept it. The more you do, the less it will happen. I've been out with people in the past and have barely been able to hold it together. Can't concentrate on what's being said. Feel like I'm talking utter rubbish when I do strike up the courage to talk. But the more you do it the more it does pass.

    I feel fine now and I'm sure alot of that is to do with 1) exercise, so keep going for it on that front and 2) I just think about it less now. The less I think about it the less it bothers me.

    Try and get that exercise cracked. It's helped me massively and I'm sure it would do the same for you.

    Good luck.

    Trev

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