How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here..

[mico]

Piglet

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> I promise to look at this admitting to my panic and not being ashamed of it. </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I feel like you've just put a gun to my head.

Practice what you preach and all that. Everyone who knows me here, knows that doesn't describe me!

It's amazing how you can have these thoughts and apparent cures whirling round your mind 24/7, yet someone can give a little input and you suddenly realise it isn't being applied at all.

Let's see if I can worm my way out of this one. Bearing in mind that the following may be a little biased due to my reluctance to admit my anxiety to people (It'll take a good argument to get me to do just that!).

Firstly, I said nothing about admitting. I said accepting, there's a difference.

Actually, I'm thinking about this, and I can't actually think of much of a way out of it. But one thing I'll say, is that if you can truly 'accept' then you can 'admit' with little effort.

As you get better at accepting, you'll get better at admitting.

Actually, I'd like to hear someone elses view on this, I think mine are too biased.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Gosh you've hit the nail right on the head but boy I am gonna find that so hard. I've spent much of my life hiding my vulnerablities particularly since my marriage breakup 10 years ago. Felt proud of the way everyone told me how well I was coping, bringing 3 kids up on my own etc etc it's a shame pride came before the fall. </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Not sure I can do it overnight though.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

If you expected to be able to do this overnight, then you'd just be setting yourself up for a fall, it can't be done. It takes time and you need patience, especially since you may barely notice the changes, very much like you watch your kids grow, you see little change but then your friends come round who haven't seen you for ages and go 'wow, hasn't she grown!'.

It's not easy, and if anyone tells you they have a quick fix, they're a liar. But panicking isn't easy either, doesn't matter which way you go it's going to be difficult, so it would seem a wise choice to make positive steps forward beyond your comfort zone.

mico



'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'

[trac67]

Hi Piglet and Mico,
First i was like you Piglet, i am able to hide my anxiety very well, hey would i want anyone to know that i cant cope with 'life', as that is what i thought. I am always the strong person, im the one who everyone comes to with their problems, i can always sort other peoples problems out, its my own i cant lol. And of course you wont succeed in what you are doing overnight, but each small step that you take, when put together is going to get you a long way on the road to recovery. Oh and by the way, if you go to that institute to make raffia baskets, take me too, i could do with the break lol.
Mico you are so not going to worm your way out of this one, and im ready for an arguement so bring it on lol. Seriously though (i can be sometimes), i agree with what you say about the accepting and admitting theory, you cant admit to something that you dont accept in the first place. I think once you accept that you suffer from anxiety, it is the first big step to recovery.
Love
Trac xx

its "just a thought"

[Piglet]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Seriously though (i can be sometimes), i agree with what you say about the accepting and admitting theory, you cant admit to something that you dont accept in the first place. I think once you accept that you suffer from anxiety, it is the first big step to recovery.
Love
Trac xx

</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Spot on Trac!

It's just hard after all the years of being seen as a strong and coping sort of person to be then seen as some sort of fragile flower who suffers with her nerves (think the kids would crack up here 'fragile flower')!!!

I also see admitting as a double edged sword - yep marvellous to start accepting and admitting all over the place but could this work against you another time, like if you expressed an appropriate emotion in a situation but people disregarded it cos you suffer with 'nerves'. We can be very fond of labels in society and we all change and grow and I would hate to be given a label and the impression 'oh she won't cope she has bad nerves'.

.....and so we are back to acceptance again - that's not a good start is it.

Have any of you told friends or work collegues and if so what sort of a reaction have you had, good or bad???

Love Piglet xx

[bluebottle]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">People may be scared to open up their vulnerability</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

The human race is scared of opening up. We, who suffer with anxiety and depression, have just got it fine tuned. We have to do it though, it is the answer, hiding how we feel is not.

I have an elder sister who I love to bits yet I can't even open up to her, but I'm going to start. Gulp! At 44yrs of age my eldest sister will probably see me cry, now that is scary, and there is no reason it should be other than the fact that since my parents divorced when I was about 12yrs of age I have always hidden my pain.

We can do this guys, we're already doing it here aren't we?



--
Blue -
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."

[Meg]

**Tell you what I did do this morning though, I had to post some things through the houses in our road which is quite a long road and I was going to wait for one of the kids to do it with me after dark (the agoraphobics favourite time) as I feel comfortable in that circumstance. Instead I have just done it on my own and in daylight. I got halfway up the road and yes the panic came, I was going to turn heel and run for home but instead paused, it passed and I continued on my way and finished what I set out to do.**

Piglet, this is a massive step for you so many congratulations indeed.

About the acceptance and admitting thing. I accepted that I had panic and admitted it to those who needed to know BUT I never accepted or admitted to anyone it was a long term thing.
I always said - I'm having a rough time right now' or 'bad day' or 'please keep an eye on me I'm struggling a bit this week' but at no time was this going to be a long term thing as far as anyone else was concerned and it was admitted purely on a need to know basis and many people didn't need to know all of the story just the bits that they may witness or be asked to be part of.
Ok some people must have thought I was having a lot of bad days for several months but as I learnt to manage it internally, lose the visable symptoms I didn't need to verbalize it as much and thus everyone else presumed all was ok now.

I struggled long after most colleagues and friends thought it was all over.Think they thought it was an on/off tap or actually in retrospect, I doubt they gave it much thought at all.

**They might screw up and look foolish at times but it doesn’t bother them because they just don’t believe that they’re the sort of person who screws up and looks foolish. They can still accept that their actions can screw up and look foolish, but not them as a person*

I agree, I always worked with the principle that I had never cocked up or looked a **** before so if,if,if,if, I just happened to have a slip up one day and really freak out noone would judge me on it for long as a I had such a 'sensible' track record so could be excused as a momentary abberation. It may be office fodder for a bit but hey, I can think of people who add to that weekly and don't get thought of any worse really.

I also used past reference points to get me through the present day . I felt so bad on x day and didn't freak out, today is not that bad on the scale, so today will be a another good day and not a potential freak out day.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

****About the acceptance and admitting thing. I accepted that I had panic and admitted it to those who needed to know BUT I never accepted or admitted to anyone it was a long term thing.

[i][right]Originally posted by Meg - 20 September 2005 : 14:15:18***



This is what I have done this far Meg but after six years of on and off anxiety and panic I feel abit like perhaps it is turning into a long term thing???

Nigel regarding using the word accepting and admitting - well I've never had a problem with admitting to myself I have panic but think there is a problem in the accepting dept.

I think on the whole I would only tell on a need to know basis as I still get it brought up by a neighbour regularly and I stopped telling her how I felt years ago, as it can be so undermining when you are feeling great or struggling again.

I suppose I am happy with my family and my best mate etc cos this is when I am at my most honest and open but feel safe to be so. They take it on but don't make a meal of it and make me feel important because I have other strengths which maybe they don't have.

Thanks guys, by writing it down, it often clarifies some of my thought processes and helps me see stuff.

Love Piglet

[mico]

Everyone's made good well thought out replies here, which Im really appreciative of since, quite honestly, I was starting to get a little confused. I think about these things until I have random thoughts bouncing all round the place, by which time I need a little clarification to put them back into order.

The idea of acceptance can be confusing, but it's actually really quite simple.

Remember what I said before about this not happening overnight. You won't suddenly wake up tomorrow and accept all of your troubles. It's a long drawn out process.

I'm thinking that maybe the reason it is confusing, is that we try to accelerate the process, put everything into it's place and suddenly start living that 'ideal'. But, acceptance doesn't come from idealistic thinking.

If you're thinking about the future and how your anxiety is going to be oblitarated by your new found technique, then you're not accepting.

The first step is to accept to yourself that you do have anxiety, and accept that this isn't going to change overnight. Any further into the future is irrelevant right now.

My advice, would be to forget all of this, forget about admitting, forget any useless thoughts that I've probably added (apologies), forget anything that's irrelevant and bring yourself back, only to the idea of acceptance.

If a thought pops up in your head, say a niggling thought about how you feel this is beccoming a long term thing, then accept it and go back to what you're doing right now.

In fact, don't even worry about that too much.

Keep it as simple as possible.

When you get anxious, accept it. No need to think about the future, or how bad you're doing, or how well you've been doing up till now, you're in this situation and that's that, nothing can be done. In this specific example, accepting that this is the case will accelerate your progress tenfold. But, this is where it gets confusing, you shouldn't be thinking about accelerating your recovery. Just remember, when the moment comes, just play with what you've got in that moment, that's where all your tools are, when the anxiety comes, just accept it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I can guarantee that the next time you get anxious that you won't completely accept that fact. But, that's fine, Rome wasn't built in a day. Each time you try, you'll get better at it. Practice makes perfect.

Remember, it is only your attempts to push it away that fuels it.


Reading back, I don't think I really answered your questions, so if you have more, feel free.


mico

'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'

[trac67]

Piglet,
I am the same as you with the whole telling people about my anxiety, my family and my best friend know, but i wont admit it to any one else unless i really do have to. The reason being is i dont want people to judge me because of it, stupid eh. Those of you who know me, will know i have a close relationship with my sunglasses (im not mad honest lol). I cant leave the house without them and they are on my head even when i am at home, i think if people look me in the eye they will see i am anxious and therefore judge me because of it, so my sunglasses are my security blanket against the world (uumm now i have written that down, im thinking maybe i am mad after all lol). If i can get away without having to tell people about my anxiety i will, which is stupid really as would i be afraid to tell them if i was say diabetic. I agree Piglet when we write this stuff down it does seem to be a lot clearer and makes us think a lot more.
Take care
Trac xx

its "just a thought"

[mico]

Good example Nigel

Thanks


mico

'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'

[Piglet]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Those of you who know me, will know i have a close relationship with my sunglasses (im not mad honest lol). I cant leave the house without them and they are on my head even when i am at home, i think if people look me in the eye they will see i am anxious and therefore judge me because of it, so my sunglasses are my security blanket against the world (uumm now i have written that down, im thinking maybe i am mad after all lol).
Take care
Trac xx

its "just a thought"

<div align="right">Originally posted by trac67 - 20 September 2005 : 18:00:11</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Omg - ditto!!!!!

I nearly spat my weetabix out laughing when I read that. I wear mine 24/7 too. I am a bit short sighted so they are my prescription sunglasses but that's not really why I love wearing them, it's for the same reason as you. Lol!!!!

Nigel that was a good example - when you apply a direct example like that it helps me see it in human terms rather than just words.

Mico, I think you're right about not getting too caught up in the whole analysing the why's and wherefores of acceptance and just chill a little. Really your post was a living in the present sort of a post which I think is a really good way to be.

I bought a good book awhile ago called something like that by Shannon Duncan. A real easy read and not too deep and I have a little affirmation card to remind me about living in the present.

I also thought that I would start to concentrate more on the strengths I possess rather than this one sticky area in my life. It was seeing a little bit that I put down about that, a few posts ago, that made me think I never praise myself for my achievements, yes I feel pleased but never say to myself 'what a clever sod I am'. Friends and family say it to me often enough bless em, but I'm so busy focusing on the anxiety side of things I don't really hear it - I'm gonna start listening!!!

This thread has been like a therapy session and FREE!!!!!

Very much appreciated.[Yeah!]

Love Piglet