Tues 13th September 2005
Ok, today is my first session of anxiety management….Help!
I woke at about 6.45 am (not due to worrying but because someone had rung my doorbell…but no one was at the door!). Anyway, I had hoped for a bit of a lay in so I didn’t have to much time to sit and worry in the morning but never mind!
Managed to get ready quite quickly, had a few wobbly moments…’don’t wanna go’….’whats the point’…bla bla and spent about ½ on the loo (sorry!) but managed to think as positively as I could about the course!
My parents picked me up about 10.10, the course starts at 10.30 and only takes 5mins to get there from mine (in the car of course!). The drive there was too quick! As soon as we pulled up outside my mum got out and came into the building with me and as soon as I had signed in I didn’t have time to think and was wished off by one of the counsellors into the room where the course was taking place.
I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest!
As soon as I walked in (I was 2nd to last to arrive!) and I saw everyone, I could see they were ‘normal’. I know this sounds silly but it was a comfort to know that we are all ‘normal’ and don’t look like aliens!!
We sat round in a semi circle on (not so) comfortable chairs! I was next to one of the counsellers at the end. We started the session with the 2 counsellers saying that they recognise that going there today and been a big thing for many of us and they thank us for going. Then we had to just say our names to the rest of the group (phew not too daunting!) but now my heart was slowing down (YAY!) but still felt very dizzy.
We all got given a folder for us to keep each session’s handouts in for reference etc.
We touched lightly on the subject of food / drink which can affect our anxiety and were given some handouts.
We next then discussed what effect anxiety has on us..ie the symptoms and feelings we feel and the counsellor wrote these on the flip chart…it was easy to be able to list how we felt – and strange also that the people sitting in front of you also go through the same or similar experiences that I do. Half way through going through all the symptoms etc my heart started up again and I felt really really dizzy, I think it is because talking of how we feel when anxious/panic brought the feelings to a head for me. I managed to keep it together and still contribute to the list (although I felt panicky – I probably wasn’t the only one – but looking around you couldn’t tell anyone was anxious).
We then had some more handouts and then had a 5 min break where we chatted to the person sitting next to us, which was good as it broke the session up a bit.
We spoke about the ‘Fight or Flight’ response, about how our body reacts to panic etc.
We then did a breathing exercise. I was feeling still anxious but thought this would help. We had to sit with eyes closed and focus of our breathing and certain parts of our body – I really was not comfortable with this – I don’t like focusing n my breathing since I’ve started to have panic attacks, and I think as I had my eyes closed it didn’t help. I worked my way through it though. They asked everyone in the group how it made them feel – a few said it felt good, but others , me included!, said we weren’t comfortable with it – I think this may also be down to the fact I am not good at relaxing.
We then chatted generally a bit more and given a few more handouts.
We then carried out another breathing / relaxation exercise – I wasn’t looking forward to it, but it was slightly different in that we tensed certain parts of our body up then relaxed. I did this with my eyes open this time (but just focusing on the ground) and I found I was able to relax a bit more this way.
We then spoke generally about how we felt the session went and how we were feeling. The counsellors said they felt our group was positive and had got a lot from it.
It was a relief to get out as it was quite intense – but I think it was a good thing – it showed that I felt panicky in a new situation but I dea
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