I am usually on here discussing my own issues with depression and anxiety but find myself actually needing this forum now for completely different advice.
My other half is my best friend and in every way to the outside world looks like the most lovely, supportive and wonderful boyfriend. He is amazing to me and would do anything for me but the only problem is that I feel like I am alone in this couple.
He goes through all the motions of being with me, but there is a part of him that is completely closed off. He's suffered a number of traumatic events in his life over recent years and I'm fairly certain that he has PTSD. Until now he has coped with everything on his own and therefore hasn't really dealt with it at all.
It is impossible to explain how this is properly but I find it hard to be with someone who can give so much but hold so much back as well. He finds it very difficult to be physically affectionate, but since being with me he has pushed himself to now being able to volunteer a hug rather than me having to ask for it. However when I do get upset (as happens from time to time) he manages to hold me and hug me for extended periods of time, though afterwards sometime doesn't remember it.
I am finding it very hard to battle my own insecurities, which I know I need to for his sake. I have to remind myself constantly that he isn't rejecting me, but that he just can't deal with stuff. And that actually being with me, who challenges him and is actually making him face up to his issues, is a huge sign of his commitment to me as I'm sure it would be much easier for him to just walk away from me and not be made to deal with it all. In fact I know the affection he does show me and the amount he has opened up is a HUGE step for him and that it should make me feel secure if anything that I mean so much he is trying to deal with it.
He sees how hard it is for me, but knows that I love him and I'm not going anywhere and has for the first time suggested himself that perhaps he should see a counsellor. This suggestion is far from him going but is a huge leap as he hates counsellors, psychology and all that 'psychobabble rubbish' as he calls it.
I know this is going to be a long process, it could still be months before he actually gets round to seeing a counsellor. He also has physical health problems with his heart (he is in his 20s so it's quite scary) and I think the PTSD is only making his physical health worse.
I was wondering if anyone else had a partner with PTSD and how they coped with the feeling of lonliness that comes with being with someone going through this? Plus how you deal with getting through it all?
Has anyone had a partner who has been reluctant to treat their PTSD with therapy but had some success?
Is there anyone who would be willing to be a kind of email pen pal who is in a similar situation and also needs some support and to be a bit less lonely?
This is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, so I just need to find a way to support myself whilst supporting him through this horrible thing he has to deal with.
Any advice is welcome. Thank you.
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