My Dilemma

[red]

Hi There! Don't know if anyone can help with this, but here goes......

On Thursday, 15th Jan (next Thursday) I am going to hospital for what they call a Large Loop Excision - because of a mild abnormal smear test result. This should have been performed under general aneasthetic but I asked for the alternative local - which was agreed to. Whilst having the usual routine tests, I was also found to have developed type 2 diabetes.

Now, over the Christmas period, like loads of people that I have read about in this and other forums, I had a bad time with anxiety. My first time in a long time. It has left me thinking I'll never get right again, although I know I will. Because of it I cancelled my December appointment at the hospital - I was feeling terrified at the thought and felt too 'sensitive' to go for the non too pleasant treatment. I thought I would feel more improved by now and able to cope, but as the time draws near and I think about it - I feel that I am getting worse and beginning to feel terrified at the prospect once more.

I am told that the abnormality of cells is not at all cause for concern - just something they would like to sort out in case it develops further. To me, it sounds like pulling teeth out unless they go bad!

Do I cancel this next visit and wait until I am more settled (which I know I will be) and go through the procedure when I feel more well or - do I face it, terrified? Anyone any insights please?

Also - dare I go on? - Diabetes is hereditory in my family - unfortately, I had 2 brothers die with heart attacks as a result of it at the ages of 56 and 58 (I'm 52). I feel that I have a healthier life-style than they did and the prognosis is much better for me, but I need to get more exercise now, particularly now that I have this. One of my anxiety problems is related to my heart - even though I have assurance that it is OK - and I also suffer the general symptoms of panic. I feel too afraid to exercise at times - even walking the dog.

I sound really miserable and sad, don't I? I am a really positive person really who feels that I have not been able to say this to anyone before - so thank you for reading - it helps very much. xxx

Red [:X]

[Buby]

hi red.

i think you should go for this appointment just to lay your mind at rest. its better to get it over with and the longer you leave it the worse you WILL get even if you do think that you'll be calmer next time. go for it. you will be happy you did. trust me, im your friend.

keep posting rachel xx

[Meg]

Hi Red,

Lets get the analagy right.

Its like teeth that already have tartar and a very tiny cavity - if left unattended it will get bigger and more troublesome.

It makes total sense that your anxiety is worse as a result of this real stressor as well as Christmas. The longer you put it off, the longer before you know the outcome is really fine and can rest easy. So I would recommend that you go to the appt next week.

As with your diabetes - control it as well as you possibly can , keep your results within normal ranges . Look after your weight, feet, eyes, blood pressure and heart as much as possible and you've done your best. Do not be afraid of exercise- every step you take is bringing you closer to good health. If you're afraid to walk alone, find another dog owner and get company until you gain your confidence back or go to a gym where you're under the watchful eye of a trained instructor...

Most of all, do not avoid anything - it makes it much worse later .

All the best . keep in touch





Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[red]

Thank you both, very much.

I know it makes total sense to go and get it over with - (and I will, definately now). Just having your comments and knowing that you will know how I will feel, yet still urging me on, is a great comfort - makes me feel stronger.

As for the diabetes - apart from the exercise bit, I feel in control with it and everything is in normal ranges most of the time. I have lost 2½ stone already from last May and have another 3 to go. Exercise? - I will bite the bullet and get on with that too, in fact I'm going to the gym later today to start again. Thank God for this help.

Red
xxx

[Meg]

Really fantastically well done on the weight loss... Tips please . My neigbour is NIDDM and not in brilliant control because of her weight but she's a wedding caterer !

I can get her to do everything else but as to the weight loss... I dragged her for a couple mile walk yesterday but it was a struggle followed by pleas for a hot choc !!

What time do you go in on Thursday and I'll think of you ..



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Laurie28]

Hiya red,

I agree with the other guys. Please go through with it (I think you have already decided you will!!)

Let us know how you get on

lucky

[pauline]

Hello red

Thought i would reply to you as i am having simpular treatment to you. For the last 2 years my smear tests have been coming back with pre-cancer changes and so from January 2003 i have been having to go to the hospital to the Colposcopy department, and have regular check ups every 6 months. I cannot tell you how much stress this has caused me, as i suffer from going away from the home and also in situations that i know i have to stay somewhere. I got myself into a right state and my everyday life was spoiled as i just did not think i could go through with it. In the end my councellor wrote a letter for me to hand to the doctors and also my doctor gave me diazapan to try and calm me down, i did take but cut in half as so hate to take tabs but without i would not of got there. Well i did it and since then i have been again in July and i also have another appointment on the 14th of January, which again i'm not to sure about but only because my partner has a new job and is not sure if he can get the time of to take me. So i think i will cancel that appointment and go in 2 weeks when he thinks he should be able to get the time of work, i have been telling him to ask for that morning of but car'nt you guess he still has not asked. I could go on my own but it the getting there and back that is bothering me, need to know that i have a means of getting home. Anyway was just wondering if you should be very anxious perhaps you could ask your doctor for something to calm you, i was only give 3 tabs and never needed them the last time. Hope all goes well and will be thinking of you as i understand what you are going through.

take care
Pauline

pjpriest

[Lottie32]

Go and get it done. I've had two lots of cryo surgery, and the anticipation and worry about what might happen far out weighed the anxiety of actually being in hospital (there is a funny experience story there, but I'll tell it when you've been!)

Sometimes things just keep hitting us in the face, and you think that nothing will ever settle down again. Honestly, they will eventually. You cannot do anything about your diabeties, apart from control through medication, diet and exercise, but you can cure your cell problem with this procedure.

Good luck for Thursday, we are all rooting for you!

Charlie

[red]

Thank you again - all of you! I feel absultely wonderful compared to yesterday.

Today I went to the gym as vowed. What an ordeal it was getting up the 'courage' to do it. But, I heard words of wisdom echoing from you lot - 'don't avoid it' 'just do it' 'or it will get worse' 'go to the gym - there are professionals there to watch out for you' etc. What a comfort these were, I would not have attempted this if it wasn't for your comments. xxx I even took the dog for a walk 2 hours later - on my own!!!!! This is going to stay, I know it - and Thursday at 10:30 am will be a relative breeze to what I used to think! (But still think of me, won't you?)

Pauline - I wish I lived near to you - I would come with you! In fact I don't know where you live! Are you in Cheshire by any chance? I have had 5 colposcopies up to now - but this is the big treatment on on Thursday - thank you for your kind words and good luck with yours - well done for going on the previous ones!!!

I'll let you know how I get on. Take care.

Red
xxx

[red]

Radar - the 'diet' thing. I just decided it was time to lose weight! I started to eat healthily in May of last year rather than diet - I think my body knew it was time to that and it proved to have a great sense of timing with the diabetes being diagosed in November! I think like with everything - you have to want to do it yourself, I was the same with smoking which I gave up in 1987 after smoking since I was 15 (21 years). I now find that the 'cheating' that is mentioned at diet clubs sometimes is refering to the dieter cheating themselves. Horrible word isn't it?

Great stuff and many thanks again for the support anything I can do for anyone let me know.

Red
xxx