Day 29 on Cit

[Saor]

Hi I've been surfing this sub forum for days now and only joined up recently. I'm on day 29 on 20mg Citalopram. I'm lucky to only have had some minor side effects in the early days but this morning I'm anxious and paranoid. I'm on them almost a full month now, started off taking them at night then at lunch, then the morning but yesterday I went back to taking them at lunch again. I don't know if that makes a difference or not....

I just let rip at two colleagues because I took something they said the wrong way. I feel like I'm the worst person, stupid and irrational and I've peed them all off.

The negative internal chat is starting now and this hasn't happened since I started cit. I'm scared cos I thought it was working. I feel like I'm going mad and I'm rambling here now. I hate this!!!

[Carla louise]

Saor, You are not going mad and it sounds as though cit has been working for you. I would say the shifting about of the times you have been taking them has had an effect, did the doc advise you to do this? I think its a good idea to take it at the same time every day. Someone with a bad cold may end up coughing and spluttering over someone, and in the same way our illness may sometimes manifest itself when we don't want it to. Apologise to the colleagues, but certainly don't dwell on it. Don't be too hard on yourself, your colleagues will just have to get over it and if they can't they aren't worth bothering over. Hold your head up high Saor and start the positive self talk again, do something for yourself today that makes you feel good x

[Saor]

No the doctor doesn't know I did that, I was trying to find the best time to take it because I wasn't sleeping at all. I'm trying hard (really hard!) with the positive internal talk but I just feel like crying. I'm welling up sitting at my desk in work, this is ridiculous.... I think I'm just going to go home, I couldn't care less about work or not today. It's dark and overcast aswell and it's not helping. I haven't had a period in about 6 weeks either so maybe this is pmt but I thought cit was supposed to help with that too. As stupid as this sounds I wish I could run away from myself.

I've only told one person in work that I was taking meds, she doesn't really understand how it feels though so I don't want to tell her how I'm feeling today. I'm feeling so lonely all morning but posting here has helped a little, even if nobody else replies.

sorry for being so miserable

[Carla louise]

Ah, the not sleeping must have been tough so I can understand why you changed the times. Are you sleeping now? and if not can the doctor advise you regarding this. I have just bought some Camomile tea to calm me and also some Renew tea from Holland and Barret to replace coffee. It is likely that you are feeling so low because you are due on and you are only a month in so give it time. Overcast days don't help, you don't feel well so ask your boss if you can home and when you get home run yourself a bath get a big bar of chocolate and watch something hilarious to make you laugh again
Hugs, Carla