Right then here goes......
(Please excuse my spelling as I am Dyslexic)
I was clynically diagnosed with Reactive Depression about 7years ago now. I had suffered with an eye viral infection, Acute Bilateral Iritis back in 2000, which came on during a bout of flu. I had a course of steroids in my eyes for about 4 months and it left me with some damage such as light sensitivity, headaches, depth perception problems and a few others. My employers failed to adapt my work station, treated me like a nuscience and basically in a nutshell messed me around for many months. I received councilling through the RNIB (Royal National Institute for the Blind) and couldn't thank them enough for their help.
Finally, I managed, with the help of my union and through the DDA (disability discrimination act) to take my empoyer to court. After many months and without admitting they were at fault they decided to settle out of court, I received a small sum for my years of service and dismissal. The stress that the whole incident caused me left me feeling basically suicidal.
I was withdrawn, cried alot, didn't wash, didn't shave, no appetite, no motivation, didn't sleep, thought the world was out to get me, and there was just no point going on. My partner, now my wife, supported me throughout the whole affair and her, along with my cat was my reason for living.
She made an appointment with my GP who after a consultation with me put me on a course of anti-depressents called Cypramil which didn't agree with me and so were changed to EFEXOR venlafaxine. I was reffered to a Physciatric Consultant who after many sessions slowly increased my meds to 375mg, the max dose allowed.
The side effects I suffered were "brain zapping", constant sweating, numbness of the face, totally zoning out, sleep problems, erectile problems then no problem with the erections - just wouldn't go down or ejaculate, appetite problems, speach slurring, nausea and a couple more. But, my moods changed and I felt better in myself for it.
I had the full support of my partner who was a community physciatric nurse, we didn't meet through the depression, she was my childhood sweetheart, after a year or so we broke up and got back together some years later and have been together ever since. When we broke up that time, I had quit my job, wanted to move out of the place i was in and feeling pretty low then, perhaps this was the start of things to come, early warning signs.. anyway, still suffering some of the side effects of the venlafaxine, but feeling better in myself we decided we were at a point in our lives to try for a baby (still on 375mg) a positive focal point. We were lucky and got pregnant pretty quickly, I think the side effect of the efexor keeping my erection for ages kinda helped, so I have that to thank for too.
A beautiful son was born to us, perfect in every way and was my main focal point. My wife returned to work and i took on the role of mum, caring for my son 24/7. Times got hard sometimes, the crying, nappy changing, feeding, cleaning, the pills gave me a barrier against feeling too low but all in all the experience was life changing and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
A couple of years later (still on 375mg) we decided to try for a second child and my daughter was conceived. I was a proud father of a son and daughter. The emotions they bring long outweighs any negative things that happen. She's two now, my son is five and they are both beautiful..Times get hard sometimes, when they "fight" or argue and it does stress me out, but am able to cope with it, more easily when my now wife returns home from work.
The reason for writing all this is that my children don't know me without the pills, I was on the maximum dose throught their conception, birth, first teeth, chickenpox, birthdays, first days at nursery / school.., and enough is enough. It's time to enjoy my children and give them the father they deserve, and that's me without efexor venlafaxine.
My sister brought it to light a couple of days ago when she dropped by for a visit, she told me that I wasn't the person she knew, I had put on weight, I was 32" around the waist and could eat anything and everything without putting on an ounce and now I take a 38.. She stated the obvious about me sweating all the time, my mood swings she reckoned were all over the place, although I have to tend to disagree with this one.
I reduced my medication from 375mg to 300mg some months ago now and just last week decided to take the next step and reduced them further to 225mg. I'm undergoing some vivid side effects, mostly numbness, zoning out and feeling up and down mostly in the mornings after my meds have entered my system. I can deal with these feelings, I just keep focused on the end goal of being meds free for my wife and children.
They're a good pill, they sorted me out when I thought the bottom of the world was about to fall out and provided me with that much needed buffer. But, I'm ready to come off them., I have two lovely kids (yeah, they can be a pain in the ar*e sometimes, but can't all kids), a lovely home and beautiful wife. I should be enjoying what I have, not waiting for my next tablets, sweating all the time whenever I play with my kids and spending the mornings in my own little efexor world.
I have purchased one of the "No More Panic" wristbands and when it comes I shall wear it until I am drug free. Everytime I look at it, it shall remind me of this post and what my goal is, and keep me positive through my withdrawals. I shall continue to update my progress and would appreciate the support of this group throughout my "re-birth" into my drug-free world. I feel that although my wife is loving and supportive, I really don't want to land everything on her, I appreciate her work is demanding and stressfull and thank her from the bottom of my heart for her continued support, and promise her that someday soon, she shall have back the person she fell in love with all those years ago..
That's me for now, thankyou for listening
x