EFEXOR venlafaxine - The time is now

[cagedbird]

It's going well so far on just 1x75mg tablet. Sleeping better, less waking up through the night and feeling more refreshed in the mornings. I'm feeling happier in myself too and more positive about things.

The little things, kids screaming at each other etc.. still get on my whick, but isn't every 2 and 5 year old a tad annoying sometimes.. and it doesn't make me want to go and bury my head. Days are getting colder, rained cold today and I enjoyed feeling the tempeature drop.

My wife's going to try and get thur and fri off at the end of this month for the school half term, I've ordered myself a 100% heavyweight wool blanket so I can snuggle in it when I feel pants on my coming off them. You know, I'm still interested in doing it at the start of the half term, although my feelings changed from the 1 one day and miss the othe and so on., I am edging more towards the take the last one and that's it route.. it may be tougher, but I'm happy with the decent from 3-1 and the quick recovery time I seem to have over them., we'll see closer to the end of october, think the holidays are 24/10 - 02/11.

[cagedbird]

Hi., well it's 5 days to go now before I come off my meds., I have feelings of excitement and nervousness, more of the good than the, not bad but, you know, antisipation perhaps.

It's a good feeling, it shows me that I'm not going in with rose tinted glasses, I know I could experience a few days of pants, but the thought of being free from them is much better., it's going to be good. My wife is having a few days off so the pressure of the kids at home won't be as mad as the half term hols.., the kids at home will keep me active and stop me sitting down too much and feeling sorry for myself (if that happens..)

I make Puzzleboxes from that well known Clive Barker horror film Hellraiser, for a hobby and have a little website too, which can be found in my details., I hope that someone orders one during my med-free period giving me something positive to focus on, but we'll see, that would be good though.......

Anyway I'm planning a few early nights on the run-up to friday and then an early one then, saturday I'll just eat breakfast as normal but not take my pill., easy eh!?! then I'll just throw myself into the daily chors (?) dishes, washing, kids, tidying up etc.. not too much as to feel wreaked, but just enough to keep me active.. it's exciting I must admit, a tad scary too..., I explained to my wife about the pills, I said that when I was fully dosed up it was like looking through a pair of binoculars at everything, with the focus well off, things were there, but distant and well fuzzy..., as the pills dropped, the things got closer and slightly more focused.., 1 pill and they are really close but still a little bit fuzzy. No meds will bring everything here and clear, I will have to retrain my emotions and way of handling things differently so not as to dwell on things too much and let them get to me..

I had to put down a wood pigeon in the garden this morning, which we had noticed to be suffering for a couple of days, there was a buildup of something on its nose at the top of its beak, it couldn't breath without taking big gasps of air into its mouth, yesterday it spent all day sitting on our little gate in the garden with it's head down, gasping for air, I looked on the internet for more information about problems they have and came to a discion this morning after talking to my wife about it. It slept lastnight on the bird table, with its head down and covered in its own dirt, it didn't even move when I went out to feed our hedgehogs (tilly and tully), this morning I opened the back doors softly and it just looked at me gasping for breath.., that was the clincher.., I can't let an animal suffer and after another talk with my wife I decided it was time to free it from its agony. I fired a couple of warning shots hopeing to scare it into flight as it had been grounded for a few days, but nothing, it just flopped to the floor and staggered up the garden path. The shot was acurate and painless and it was free. Of course it made me feel guilty that I had taken a life, but i feel deep in my soul it was the right thing to do. I spent this morning tidying up, disinfecting the table with special bird cleaning spray and disposed of the body. I had to tell you to get it off my chest.

Alright then, I'm off to make the most of a quiet house, the kids are at a party and radio 1 are playing their hits, my canarys singing and I'm feeling better over this morning. Get yourself a Hellraiser puzzlebox if you're into the films, I will enjoy making it for you, got to keep busy..., thankyou for staying with me and the countdown begins............

One question though, what do I do with the loads of pills I'll have spare..?

[cagedbird]

.... 4 days to go....

I'm feeling excited now, I have to admit, bit like a kid before christmas..
Just thinking about being drug free for the first time in years, is giving me the confidence to carry on the countdown, I've been thinking about this for so long.

Yeah, I know it'll probably suck when I actually stop, but if I keep "bigging" myself up about it, when saturday comes, I should be on enough of a natural high to get me through that day at least... the rest, well we'll just have to wait and see........ glass half full and all that

[cagedbird]

.... 3 days to go.....

wow, the days are flying by, twas only five minutes ago I was walking the kids to school and now it's nearly time for bath and bed.., saturday's going to come sooner than I think...

.... I'm still up for it though, think I've gone too far with the preparation in my head to stay on them now, so we'll see..

My wife has been ever so good whilst I've been in my darkness, she's gone to work, earned the money, supported me, bought all the christmas presents for the kids, for her family and mine......, you know if I could have one wish it would be that somebody bought one of the most expensive puzzleboxes on my site, and as well as taking my mind off my withdrawals that I'm going to have whilst I lovingly make it, it would give me the chance to get her something nice for christmas. We've been living very hand-to-mouth since I've been bad and it sucks, shouldn't complain, there's loads of people alot worse off than us and my heart truely goes out to them........, would be nice though, just to say thanks alot, I appreciate you and here's something nice, just for you (sorry, just thinking out aloud..... )

Not sleeping that well at the moment, aching alot.., kids are snotty and coughing, waking up in the night, you know the usual. Seemslike the whole world has the flu or something at the moment, and now we've joined it, not that we were feeling left out, but thanks anyway.. Watched Resident Evil, Apocylpse last night, scared me a tad , my wife says that I was restless in bed alot lastnight, (probably shooting monsters and such), don't think I'll be watching anymore of them at the mo, need good sleeps. No alcohol now on the run up to saturday, need to be clear headed and not give myself an excuse to curl up in a corner with my blanket over my head....

Got to cook now, will post tomorrow....., getting excited again.....

[cagedbird]

... 2 days to go .......

it's wednesday, just two more 75mg tablets to go then that's it. Feeling tad anxious at the moment, still excited, but nervous about waking up saturday and not taking any meds...., will seem strange after all this time.

made a couple of things out of wood lastnight, think I'll try and sell them to get some pennies for christmas, I'll put them on ebay then post the item id so you can take a look, if that's alright..

not much for talking today, feeling up and down (not loads though), I'll check in tomorrow

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eBay items: 200396928919 & 200396929744

[cagedbird]

.... 1 day to go .... last tab tomorrow., still feel i can do it although feeling very anxious. Off to bed now, role on tomorrow.

[cagedbird]

.... 0 days to go ........

That's it. Took my tablet this morning as usual, and that is the last one. I shall wake up tomorrow, refreshed, totally relaxed and sane( ), well, we'll see anyway...

I'm not expecting it to be a stroll in the park, just do-able. Will start tomorrow off doing something outside in the garden and let the fresh air whoooosh through me, the colder the better to take my mind of those naughty effects the tablets seem to give me...

I'll keep posting and let you know how it's going - wish me luck

[cagedbird]

Feeling Pants. Woke up with bunged nose and thick head. Good timing for a cold eh! Face numb, spacy feeling all day. Not that good at all :-(

[cagedbird]

I am in a bad place at the moment. BANG, BANG, BANG goes the zapps.

[cagedbird]

Erin 31 - thnkyou. I appreciate the time you have given to comment.


Well let's see....

• I'm up and down in temperature, shivering one moment, like a dripping tap the next
• mood is mostly feel like crying... at EVERYTHING, even writing this I'm filling up ( ?!? )
• I get a sickly feeling after more or less every meal I have
• Spacyness (?) and dizzyness totally, (beam me up scottie)
• zzZZZZAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP !!!!! - enough said
• The light is hurting my eyes too, which worries me a tad because that's a symptom of iritis.....

and generally I feel like pants

My wifes off tomorrow and then until the kids go back after the break, so that'll be usefull, they are being good though, they know daddys not very well at the moment and bless them for trying ( here we go again ?!?)

Thanks for all the continued support, it's nice to know I'm not on my own in all this., The good news, I'm loosing weight, last time I weighed myself, on MAX dose tabs I was 17 Stone , the other day when I weighed myself after people kept saying you look better, you've lost weight...., I weighed myself and discovered I was 15 and a half , so that's good anyway.

I'll keep you posted when I'm having a happy half hour, one more thing though, there is NO going back, as far as I'm concerned, they did their job, thankyou., but we'll ride out the withdrawels and come through it triumphantly (eventually.....!!!)