Hello Dave
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family too.
I have just been through all this last month with my mum when she died and end of Dec with my Dad when he died suddenly.
Honestly when the time comes, I found something takes over and you just go with the flow. I am now finding it later on that is when it begins to hit home more so emotionally. I take comfort from the happy memories I have of my mum and dad. I have made a photo album of them right from their childhood through to recent times. It helps me. I close my eyes and they are there again.
As long as you remember your nan she will always be there for you.
This message may sound a bit jumbled - I am sorry.
I got through 2 deaths in 6 months and if I can get through it with all my anxiety and agoraphobia then you can too. My anxiety and agoraphobia kind of faded as I was too busy dealing with grief.
There can be ways of working around the agoraphobia when its time for the funeral. However I respect your decision.
I went through the whole shock, throwing up, feeling faint, and all other emotions...it happens to everyone who experiences death, whether they have anxiety problems or not. I sat with both my parents before and after they had passed away and told them what good parents they had been and how much I loved them and always would and lots more things...it helped with the closure.
You will get through it. It seems impossible at the time but somehow you just do even though it is heartbreaking. Somehow the days pass so quickly and time is taken up with funeral arrangements, the funeral etc, which does take your mind off it all somewhat.
Its like survival takes over and you just keep going somehow.
Its an awful horrific time when those you love pass away but you do get through it somehow and the pain does eventually begin to ease. I find bawling my eyes out helps.
Feel free to PM if you wish.
Hugs to you