Agoraphobia & Funeral

[PoppyC]

Hello Dave
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family too.
I have just been through all this last month with my mum when she died and end of Dec with my Dad when he died suddenly.
Honestly when the time comes, I found something takes over and you just go with the flow. I am now finding it later on that is when it begins to hit home more so emotionally. I take comfort from the happy memories I have of my mum and dad. I have made a photo album of them right from their childhood through to recent times. It helps me. I close my eyes and they are there again.
As long as you remember your nan she will always be there for you.
This message may sound a bit jumbled - I am sorry.
I got through 2 deaths in 6 months and if I can get through it with all my anxiety and agoraphobia then you can too. My anxiety and agoraphobia kind of faded as I was too busy dealing with grief.
There can be ways of working around the agoraphobia when its time for the funeral. However I respect your decision.
I went through the whole shock, throwing up, feeling faint, and all other emotions...it happens to everyone who experiences death, whether they have anxiety problems or not. I sat with both my parents before and after they had passed away and told them what good parents they had been and how much I loved them and always would and lots more things...it helped with the closure.
You will get through it. It seems impossible at the time but somehow you just do even though it is heartbreaking. Somehow the days pass so quickly and time is taken up with funeral arrangements, the funeral etc, which does take your mind off it all somewhat.
Its like survival takes over and you just keep going somehow.
Its an awful horrific time when those you love pass away but you do get through it somehow and the pain does eventually begin to ease. I find bawling my eyes out helps.
Feel free to PM if you wish.
Hugs to you

[kazzie]

Hi Dave

Just to say hang in there mate and Im thinking of you all

Luv Kaz x

[Dizzy-Dave]

Your reply's are meaning the world to me right now.

The panic experienced last night was strong enough to wake me up again tonight.

My tummy is giving me the most grief.

An amazing nurse came round today (a friend of my mums) and said some things that helped. Even said she believes nan will make it through tonight as her breathing is strong, though I know anything could happen so i took that info lightly.

Poppy, I don't know what to say. Your loss is unimaginable to me and i have to be honest, this is nothing compared to what you've been through not matter how anxious I am.

I await the dawn. Everything is calmer then.

[Alabasterlyn]

I've only just seen this thread so apologies for not responding sooner. I'm so sorry to read what you are going through Dave. I've been following your agoraphobia project on YouTube, so I know how much progress you have made over the last few months.

I also have agoraphobia and the first time I went to a funeral was when my dad died 9yrs ago. As he was my dad I felt I had absolutely no choice but to go as even though my family would have understood if I hadn't gone, I knew that I would have beaten myself up afterwards if I hadn't at least tried. As others have already said, it's amazing what you can actually do when it comes down to it. I took no extra medication to get me through that day and as we had everyone come back to our house afterwards there was no escape once I got home either, but somehow I got through it.

Since then I have been to 3 other funerals and each time found them really hard but got through them all. The last one was my sister in law's earlier this year and as it was a burial it was sooo much harder as it was so long. What I did then was chose to not go in the main cars and got my son to take me separately in his car and I sat at the back of the church and it made me feel so much better as I knew I could just leave if it all got too much and just having that thought in my head made me feel more relaxed and I was able to go to the church, the cemetery and also the do afterwards without making a fool of myself.

It must be so much harder having your nan in your own house and I think you are being a very brave young man and your nan would be proud that her family are caring for her like this

[PoppyC]

Hi again Dave
How are you feeling? Just reading your post...it doesnt matter how many people we lose, grief is grief, whether it be a grandparent, 1 parent or 2 parents. It is still agonising.
You are bound to be going through a whole range of emotions and feeling anxious and all the rest that goes with it. Its normal to feel that way.
The upset and anxiety will affect your stomach. I find thats what it always affects more than anything else.
I am going through quite a bad time with agoraphobia again but at the funeral, I got out of the funeral car and straight into the crematorium and sat with my family, holding hands. I forgot all about the agoraphobia. I kind of went onto auto pilot I think.
I am so glad that I went because if I had not then I may have regretted it later, but thats just me. Everyone is different. I was so anxious going to the cematary in the funeral processions but then so was everyone - its a daunting experience to have to go with whether you suffer with anxiety and agoraphobia or not.
How is your Nan today? She must be so proud of you.
I am going to read all the posts as I need to catch up.
You will get through this honestly, even though it may feel like you wont right now - just take it all a day at a time.
Hugs to you

[Dizzy-Dave]

My nan has just passed away.

Me and my mum thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support.

I am relieved but obviously in shock. I am not crying.

I will talk to you all soon x

[Thumbelina]

Really sorry about your nan....

wish you to stay strong ...

God is with you

[PoppyC]

Dave
I am so so sorry. I truly am, for you and your mum. My sympathies are with you.
We are all here for you.
Lots of hugs and support to you
Poppy

[spaced]

so sorry dave my thoughts with you and your family

[kazzie]

Dave

No words will suffice

Here if you need support

Kaz x x x