vicious cycle!!!!!

[kate_32]

i have sufferd with panic attacks for 10 years now, and have been on and off anti-depressants for the same amount of time, because-for me at least-these 2 demons come hand in hand. However, at some point about 6 years ago(i can't think now, how in gods name i done it)i turned it all around, it wasn't a life changing event, or anything like that that made me say ''ok, that's it!! no more'' but i did drag myself back from a very dark place.
I started my road to recovery by making a few, simple lifestyle changes;light excercise, healthier diet etc...... basically just things that would make me feel a little more confident in myself, and as shallow as i KNOW this sounds, as i started to lose weight(i was never obese but was overweight)the panic attacks became less frequent and the depression lifted, after a few months i was off any meds(apart from beta-blockers,which have been a constant in my life for 10 years)and feeling like a new person, which all in all sounds just great, and for 4or5 years it was 'just that'. Then, totally out of the blue, i had the panic attack of panic attacks, which took me to A&E where i was sedated and sent home. This happened in march of last year, and the downward spiral has been rapid, to say the least. I thought i understood what depression was, but i can honestly say what i had experienced before this most recent episode was just a 'taster'. I am now on more meds than i have ever been on;mirtazapine, 45 mg's daily(if any1 else is on these i would appreciate your views on them)beta blockers and 2 different sedatives.
I just don't seem to be getting any better at all, i have tried the excercise but the meds just make me so slow, its near impossible to feel motivated!!i want to hide away from the world and have alienated almost every1 who i once held so dear, i feel as though i am stuck in a vicious cycle and although i try to believe that i will-once again get better, the thought of how bad it might be next time it rears it's ugly head petrifys me as i know that if things get any worse than they have been for the last 18 months, i will most probably be stuck there forever. If you have taken your time to read this post then tyvm and i can only hope that i haven't bored u to tears , i would really appreciate any feedback that you might have.xx

[joannap]

i would hang onto the thought that you have got better before and you will do again - don't let one really bad setback wipe away all you have achieved because the "you" that achieved so much is still under all that fear - much of your fear sounds like what ifs? - future based fears that will probably never happen and magnified ten fold because of how you are feeling.

i have been in that dark place and thought i would never recover but just as you do with a physical illness - you get stronger and stronger - it just takes time so do what you can and push yourself a tiny bit each day and just know that you will get better without worrying yourself there.

[suzy-sue]

Hi ,sorry you are having a bad time of it .You didnt say how long you have been on the Mirtazapine for ,when did you last have your dose increased ? I was on these and they didnt agree with me .They made me have a huge appetite tho .If you have been on them for a few months ,perhaps they dont work for you .What were you on before ? A cocktail of meds will make you slow and lethargic ,but if the antidepressants are working you could eventually withdraw from the sedatives . Once you have found the right medication ,im sure you will overcome this again .It can be pretty dissapointing when this happens ,but you will feel well again .Luv Sue x