My son has am I gay question

[esskay]

Folks,

I need help to handle this situation.

My son who was a normal boy has all of a sudden developed a fear that he could be gay. In the city they had a gay parade and I think he developed this OCD after that. He is going through depressive cycle quite often. Both my wife and I have been reasoning with him to make him understand that it is just a weird thought and he cannot be a gay overnight. He says he knows that but he cannot help stopping the intrusive thoughts.

I have to be on an international tour soon and I will be away from home for couple of months. Now I am spending lot of time with him giving moral support. I am little bit concerned to leave him alone. After he started developing this problem I had to cut short my international trip to return home. My business is suffering now.

Do you advise me to take him to a psychiatrist? I do not want to make him feel that he is psychologically abnormal by taking him to a psychiatrist too prematurely.

Your advise and help is much appreciated.

[suzy-sue]

Hi your son is just suffering with HOCD .there are a lot of people with this type of ocd.,he is not alone .If he is depressed it would definately be worth a trip to see your DR It doesnt mean he is any way abnormal . He would probably benefit from some sort of therapy like cbt ,it would help him realise that these are just obsessive thoughts and will teach him the skills to cope with them .. You didnt say how old he is ? perhaps he could join this site ? as there are others who are suffering with this and he will find the support here helpful . Take care and all the best Sue x

[esskay]

Hi suzy-su,

Thanks for your reply. He is 16 years old. As advised by you I will take him to the doctor. Meanwhile is there anything I need to do that would help him feel better?

Thanks

[suzy-sue]

I think all you can do is reasure him it is just a type of ocd and is very common .Dont mention words like abnormal .Its just a disorder and he is just one of the many thousands of people who have it .Being young he will find these thoughts frightening .Perhaps if you did a google search you will find some good pages on the subject he could read .He could join this site as well as there are young members here too .We all have troublesome thoughts in life ,but most we dismiss without thinking about .with ocd they become obssesive and its difficult to dismiss them so they become a fixation .Its ususally a fear that is the most unlikely and disgusting that it fixates on ,but thats why its so distressing . I hope you manage to get the right help for him .Try not to worry though that is easier said than done .Im sure he will be fine .Take care Sue

[suzy-sue]

Esskay ,have you read the bottom of this page about other posts on this subject ? Sue

[esskay]

Hi Suzy,

Thanks a lot for your support. Yes it really pains to see the kid who was bubbly a few days ago struggling with this type of problem. After going through several posts here, I am feeling more comfortable as it seems to be a growth problem some kids go through.

Yes I am reading through several posts here on the subject.


Thanks

esskay

[suzy-sue]

Its always heartbreaking to see our children suffer .You seem to be doing the right things to help him .The more you understand about the problem will enable you to give him the right support .It s a very difficult age at the best of times ,with hormones raging and that cant help either .At least you are doing something positive and havnt left it for long .The sooner it is addressed the easier it is to treat . If he has been feeling depressed before this ,it is probably caused by that .Getting to the route of the problem is probably the best first step to him getting better .Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression and left untreated is a life changing condition which affects the whole family .My thought s are with you and I wish you and your son all the very best .Please let us know how things progress .Take care Luv Sue x

[Anxious_gal]

I know nothing about HOCD so I apologize for my ignorance.
Just a thought, if he didn't fear being gay would that help?
maybe if if met a gay person and they had a chat?
Or if he had more information on the subject or he read a story about how someone realized they were gay, I think a story based on knowing from early childhood would be best.
then he might see he doesn't fit the profile and if he could accept that he's not gay but if he were gay that's ok too.
I'm not sure but because he's so young it needs to be nipped in the bud! I think it's a lot easier to treat children as there minds are still growing and they trust what adults tell them and don't tend to over think as must as us adults do.
I went to some one for my anxiety at 16 even though i had it from age 11.
I was cured in a few weeks! But then it came back slowly and my mum never told me i had the option of seeing another therapist! yep I'm a bit resentful lol.

[esskay]

Hi Sue/Mishel,

Just a quick update.

For the past couple of days him and I are working together to sort out his feelings. He is clearly grasping the issue. I am trying to avoid any labelling - including OCD. He says he knows that it is an irrational thought and also it started off when he had exam pressures. He is listing all the things he should do when the thoughts attack him. He himself told me that he will not fight the thoughts as it has not helped. Instead he has deviced some strategies to ignore them.

Hopefully he understands his condition and resolves it. I will take him to the therapist if he cannot contain his anxiety due to these thoughts. For the past couple of days he seems to be ok.

Thanks

esskay

[Anxious_gal]

aw thats great news.Your such a good mum I love how your trying to help him and trying to understand and be compassionate.
there's so many ignorant people out there that would just tell him to get over it.