My son has am I gay question

[suzy-sue]

It is common for teenagers to have different thoughts about sexuality ,hormones are pretty unstable and there are lots of things to explore .Just because you were a bit drunk and had a feeling about kissing someone doesnt mean its your gay side trying to come out .You wer under the influence of drink thats all ,we have all done things when weve had a few too many we wished we hadnt ,You didnt do anything so ,forget it ..If you fancy women sexually you arent gay .If you find a male attractive doesnt mean you are gay .Ive seen women and thought how attractive they were and I m not gay . You seem to be on your own far too much ,all your time is being spent thinking about your thoughts ,this is just feeding your anxiety .Get in touch with your friends and get out for a bit ,its doing you no good whatsover living like you are ..You have the power inside you to change things ,one step at a time .Even if its just for an hour ! make the effort ...Doing other things will distract your thoughts .& make you feel better .Hope fully someone else will reply to you as well ... Take care Luv Sue x

[suzy-sue]

Lisa reccomended the gay switchboard ,if you ring them someone will be able to help you Im sure Willy .You just seem very confused ,too much time alone is not good for anyone ..Have you been offered any therapy from the DR or been diagnosed properly ?.If you are depressed your interest in things will go away ,this could explain your loss of interest in women at the moment ,it doesnt mean you have turned Gay .You are either gay or not ,you dont change .Low self esteem is another reason you could be feeling like this too .As for your friend ,many people ge t crushes on friends but it doesnt mean they are gay ...Dont turn away from people ,isolation will only make you worse .Take care Sue xx

[suzy-sue]

Hi Willy ,my son said he realised he was Gay when he was 16 .He had always had lots of friends and was going out with a girl for quite a while ..Although he loved her he didnt feel sexually attracted to her tho ..I never thought for one minute he was gay apart from not having a permanent girlfriend after that .I put it down to being fickle and studying hard at the time .Once he came out ,his mood lifted .all his friends accepted it ,but he had the attitude of thats their problem if they didnt .He has made lots of new friends and his work colleagues all know ..He is accepted and is no different to who he would have been if he were straight .Years ago it was different for people they felt like they had to get married and have children .MANYdid that and sadly couldnt keep up the charade later in life .That only leads to bitter resentment and devastation for the wives and children ...Im glad to hear you are going to get some CBT .The anxiety will decrease with your cit ,it doesnt mean that you are gay ,its just the thoughts making you feel like this ...I hope you get the help you need .I dont think anyone would tell you to experiment ,if you rang the Gay switch board ,Im sure someone would be able to help you realise ,what and how you feel is a very common problem ..Take care luv Sue xx

[suzy-sue]

My son said he didnt know for sure until then ,Before that he thought maybe he was , he said he felt different .I never asked him about the girl and if he had had sex with her ,but I will do .He is very open about things now ..I would say that the sexual arousal you had with that girl was genuine ,You cant fake it ..You say what if your parents say something abusive about being gay if you were ,,Why would they do that ? Do they do that now ? Maybe this sort of behaviour has made you feel like you do ? We learn certain patterns of thinking from a very early age ,it can do untold damage ..But it is possible to change these thoughts .. Every Gay person I have known has not felt bad about being the way they are ,in fact they felt happier once they could be true to themselves . From what you say ,I dont believe you would be ,this makes me think you are straight ..I think you would get some better answers from members on here that are Gay .im sure it would be of benefit to you .I hope someone else replies to you .I can only tell you what I know and ,I think you need more than that .Take care luv Sue x

[bottleblond]

Willy

Are you actualy sexualy attracted to men?

Lisa
x

[bottleblond]

Hun if you were gay then you would be attracted to men and know about it.
I think this seed is planted in your head and, yes you are obsessing about it. You really are giving yourself a hard time ove this when there really is no need to.

I am not gay but i can look at another female and think wow she is gorgeous. Or she has a fabulous body. Men can do the same over other men.

It doesn't matter if we are gay, straight or whatever. Finding someone of the same sex attractive is something we all do.
Please try to stop beating yourself!
Lisa
xx

[bottleblond]

Willy

I really do feel for you

I'll be back on later and i will reply properly then.
Be good to yourself and remember ' no beating yourself up '
Big hugs
Lisa
xx

[esskay]

Willy,

What I feel you could try are the following:

1. Do not try to control your thoughts. It is impossible to control thoughts as controller and the thinker are one and the same.

2. Let the thoughts be there. Just don't feed them or feed into them.

3. Try to occupy yourself with activities that are as close to reality as possible. Do not use passive entertainments like PC/X-Box games or TV.

4. Try to understand what you want to do most and do it.

5. Look through your past to see what caused real anxiety that made your vulnerable for thought obsession?

6. Look at "Gay" as one of the million thoughts that out there to get you obsessed with. Hence "Gay" has no real relevance vis-a-vis getting obsessed with some illness.

7. Also you have to know that your thoughts cannot be switched off; but sure you can replace them.

8. I have gone through several obsessions and these time tested methods have helped me. They have been helping my son well.

If you believe in Yoga and Meditation they would help you to take off your obsession. Indian philosophies have some of the best approaches to psychological problems. I am not sure whether you would be able to find a Guru in Ireland.

Esskay

[esskay]

Willy,

Remember one thing - it is quite normal to be confused about several social issues (including sexuality) when you are adolescent - you are still working on your adult identity.

It will passover and you will be fine.

Esskay

[esskay]

Willy,

You sound like my son couple of weeks ago. He used to split hairs like the way you are doing . Don't worry you will get over it and you too will laugh at it.

'Remember one thing - it is quite normal to be confused about several social issues (including sexuality) when you are adolescent - you are still working on your adult identity.'

I just made a general statement about condition of adolescents - because of lot of changes in the body. In fact, reading your posts, I can for sure tell you that you are not gay.

Just be confident that it is a passing phase and you will grow to be a healthy man. Do something which you are good at and get you into a stable position in life - career wise & economically. With that confidence you could definitely attract the best girls.

Esskay