Hi everyone my name is Julie and i've been coming onto the NMP website for the past 3 years. I came on origionally after finding the site whilst on holiday and having a really terrible time with anxiety. It has been a real help to me and the posts I always read are the success stories like most of us hoping for some magic cure. I have suffered with agoraphobia for over 20 years now and it has gone through various stages. At my most severe I was unable to leave the house, at my best I went to Kefalonia for 2 weeks then bak to being scared to go a few miles away again. My best was 4 years ago and for the past 3 due to some severe stress in my life I have battled to try and get some normality back. I do work but find it extremely difficult and stressful even with lots of help from my partner who works with me and also work friends. I think i've read every article on the subject, tried drugs, psychotherapy and cbt. At the beginning of the summer I decided i'd had enough of living like this, various things had happened to prompt this such as having 2 grandchildren born and unable to make hospital visits ( although I did visit my daughter once but the anxiety and panic was unbearable ), dreading the summer holidays while my 11 year old daughter just wanted to be excited about it and go to the seaside,my son moving 300 miles away and I wouldn't be able to visit, my partner asking me to marry him and wondering how on earth I would cope with a wedding and finally my partner getting emotional because he felt his world being narrowed by my agoraphobia. I think we just accept it when it only affects ourselves but I couldn't bear that it was affecting the people I love so badly, I had no sleep that night and was so depressed that I thought everyone would be better off without me. I started the following day very emotional but determined that I had got to do something about this if not for myself then for my family. I bought yet another book some time ago that has sat on my bookshelf gathering dust and something made me start reading it and i'm so glad I did. Its called freedom from fear by Howard Leibgold and is refreshingly good. It is written with humour by someone who actually understands agoraphobia because he is a sufferer. I have scribbled and hilighted all over it and been trying to put some of it into practice. Its not easy but its the most success ive had in over 4 years. It isnt a magic cure its just telling you everything you really know such as exercise, healthy eating, relaxation and gradually facing the fear. Its really difficult and i'm keeping a diary but thought if it would help anyone I would keep it updated on here, good or bad. Where I was at before I started this 4 weeks ago was walking with some anxiety with my parner and dog around a small field by my house, this week I walked with my partner and dog on a circular walk a mile and a half. I was ill yesterday though lol. I also won't go into shops alone but today I went into a medium sized supermarket just with my 11 year old daughter. If I am brave enough to give it a go anyone is because I thought i'd never get to this stage again. Sorry about the long post, hope I havent bored everyone. Thanks for reading it and any comments would be really appreciated and encouraging. Lets help each other through this. Come on other agros lol