Agoraphobia

[julieb]

Hi everyone my name is Julie and i've been coming onto the NMP website for the past 3 years. I came on origionally after finding the site whilst on holiday and having a really terrible time with anxiety. It has been a real help to me and the posts I always read are the success stories like most of us hoping for some magic cure. I have suffered with agoraphobia for over 20 years now and it has gone through various stages. At my most severe I was unable to leave the house, at my best I went to Kefalonia for 2 weeks then bak to being scared to go a few miles away again. My best was 4 years ago and for the past 3 due to some severe stress in my life I have battled to try and get some normality back. I do work but find it extremely difficult and stressful even with lots of help from my partner who works with me and also work friends. I think i've read every article on the subject, tried drugs, psychotherapy and cbt. At the beginning of the summer I decided i'd had enough of living like this, various things had happened to prompt this such as having 2 grandchildren born and unable to make hospital visits ( although I did visit my daughter once but the anxiety and panic was unbearable ), dreading the summer holidays while my 11 year old daughter just wanted to be excited about it and go to the seaside,my son moving 300 miles away and I wouldn't be able to visit, my partner asking me to marry him and wondering how on earth I would cope with a wedding and finally my partner getting emotional because he felt his world being narrowed by my agoraphobia. I think we just accept it when it only affects ourselves but I couldn't bear that it was affecting the people I love so badly, I had no sleep that night and was so depressed that I thought everyone would be better off without me. I started the following day very emotional but determined that I had got to do something about this if not for myself then for my family. I bought yet another book some time ago that has sat on my bookshelf gathering dust and something made me start reading it and i'm so glad I did. Its called freedom from fear by Howard Leibgold and is refreshingly good. It is written with humour by someone who actually understands agoraphobia because he is a sufferer. I have scribbled and hilighted all over it and been trying to put some of it into practice. Its not easy but its the most success ive had in over 4 years. It isnt a magic cure its just telling you everything you really know such as exercise, healthy eating, relaxation and gradually facing the fear. Its really difficult and i'm keeping a diary but thought if it would help anyone I would keep it updated on here, good or bad. Where I was at before I started this 4 weeks ago was walking with some anxiety with my parner and dog around a small field by my house, this week I walked with my partner and dog on a circular walk a mile and a half. I was ill yesterday though lol. I also won't go into shops alone but today I went into a medium sized supermarket just with my 11 year old daughter. If I am brave enough to give it a go anyone is because I thought i'd never get to this stage again. Sorry about the long post, hope I havent bored everyone. Thanks for reading it and any comments would be really appreciated and encouraging. Lets help each other through this. Come on other agros lol

[sue.b]

Thats great, it is so difficult once the agoraphobia takes hold. Had this when I was 13 yrs old. At 15 I was "flooded" as a treatment. I was made to stand on a railway station on my own and watch 2 trains go by get on the 3rd and meet my therapist 2 stops down. Then go home on my own. Needless to say I didn't go back nor was i cured. My mum agreed that if i start to gradually do some things on my own i would have to see the therapist again.

This was a good incentive and gradually managed to do more and most of the agoraphobia disappered by the time i was 20. Unfortunatly I had depression when i was 37 and again now (i am 50) and the agoraphobia has reared its ugly head on both occassions. So I am back to baby steps again.

I did manage to go into Tescos this week while my husband waited in the car, and today I went to the High Street, albeit with my husband, but another little step i guess.

I am so pleased that you are making progress. I guess it's true for us agoraphobics ....no pain no gain.

I look forward to reading the posts on your progress.

Good luck, thinking of you.

Sue

[julieb]

Hi Sue,
thanks for replying. Sorry to hear you are back having problems. I guess its something that we will always have and unfortunately anytime we get stressful situations in our lives its the one area that it will affect. Keep going, you're better than me because I can't go into Tesco alone at the moment. Maybe we can encourage each other.

Well today, been for a run out in the car with my partner. Felt hardly any anxiety at all until we couldn't find where we were supposed to be going then it started to rise. I managed to go to the pub for lunch but was very emotional and when I got home I sat on the bed and cried. My partner Chris pointed out that I had had a victory while we were out as I had gone to the loo alone which was through another room. I know this will sound really stupid but usually Chris has to wait for me outside the loos so I know where he is. This is a part of my agoraphobia that I hate the most, not being able to stay anywhere on my own. Well tomorrow is my first day back at work after 6 weeks off so maybe that was why I was so emotional earlier. I'm dreading it as I haven't had my new timetable yet and I hate the unknown. Takes me weeks to settle when i've been off on holiday. I keep saying I cant wait till I retire lol. Chris says I should just use it as therapy, wish I had his laid back attitude to life!!!

[teez]

hiya julie im a fellow aggie sufferer have been for 17 years ,,,i had a time i wouldnt cross my front door,,had a major op,,and for some reason the aggie went with the lump in my stomach,,,i was ok until recent when i had to have a eye op fully awake, i went back to panic attacks and found myself putting off trips out again,,well after a bit of a break through last week,,where i made myself lay and listen to a bad panic attack ive decided to give it ,,which is what i call my panic and anx a run for its money,,,asda is my nemises at the mo,,but im pushing myself to go in daily,,even to the point of walking in on my own and finding hubby later,,i walked into the cafe the other day payed for our drinks which i cue,d alone for ,,to anyone else this isnt much but i know you,ll get what a big deal this is to me,,,im going to keep trying ,,because i feel this has taken enough from my life,,and im gonna claim something back,,noo matter how long or hard this is, so i,ll keep up the hard graft if you will,,,keep posting your victorys,,,and i,ll join you,

[julieb]

Hi Teez,

Thats brilliant! Going into busy supermarkets is a real problem of mine and i suppose most of us, also having to wait in a queue so well done you!!!
I've been to work today after the summer holidays, I am a teaching assistant in a special school. This by the way is only possible as i work in the same school as my partner and 2 very good understanding friends. I had no sleep last night worrying about it and went to work with a terrible headache. On a scale of 1 to 20 i was about a 7 all the way to work on the half hoour journey. Took me until after lunch to relax and get don to about a 3. And thats with no kids in!!! lol Hopefully tomorrow I will feel slightly more relaxed on the way to work and to be honest when the kids are there it does actually help me because i have something to take my mind off it and also i have to put on a brave face for them. So keep up the good work ladies and lets see what tomorrow brings. You keep giving it a run for its money Teez and i'll keep telling mine to F*** off when it rears its head and between us we will beat it!! I live in a small village on the Staffs?Cheshire border, where are you both from?

[sue.b]

Hi Julie

I am from Rainham, Essex.

Well done with keeping the anxiety low on your first day back and with your pub lunch. I know how hard these situations can be and exhausting.

And good for you Teez giving IT a run for its money.

I work with my husband too so we have been travelling in together, only 10 mins in the car for the last 11 wks.

Sooooo next week, I am going to take the plunge and drive in on my own,
which at the moment feels a real big deal. I will keep you posted.

I can understand where you are at with going to the loo though, I was exactly the same myself years ago, if there was no female company out with me who I could "encourage" to join me in a visit to ladies I would sit with my legs crossed all night. Don't know how my bladder survived..lol!

Anyway good luck with your next challenge both of you. I look forward to reading about your success.

Take care

Sue xxxx

[teez]

we live in Essex and,,well done you,,sounds like you took the bull by the horns julie, i know what you mean about the distraction, when im in shops,,and a panics brewing , i look round for something to take my mind of it,.,,last night i took my dogs out for the first time since marley my german sheppard was attacked by a resident chavs staffy,,this is the second time and not knowing when the dog was going to appear left me a nervous wreck ,,well after reading your post i was inspired to try something of my own,,,well although my little heart was going like a train i walked my three dogs,,only on the field outside ours,,but its where marley and our other dog was attacked,,so i think i managed ok, look forward to your next installment julie keep going and so will i

[allangering]

The goal of treatment is to help you function effectively. The success of treatment usually depends on the severity of the phobia.
Systematic desensitization is a technique used to treat phobias. You are asked to relax, then imagine the things that cause the anxiety, working from the least fearful to the most fearful. Gradual exposure to the real-life situation also been used with success to help people overcome their fears.
Anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications are often used to help relieve the symptoms of phobias.Call for an appointment with your health care provider if you develop symptoms of agoraphobia.

[sandramick]

hi all
i understand everything you are saying ..queues , loos , supermarkets nightmare
have been doing loads betta lately just when due on i go really down bank ,it so annoying last week shopped with very little worry today i didnt dare even go in the corner shop !.
well done to u all small steps are theway to go .
keep up the good work

love
sandra

p.s from leek in staffs

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[sue.b]

Hi Sandra

Yeah its weird isn't it, one day you can do things with ease another day the same things feel so much more difficult. Not sure why that is. I guess it is just a case of not getting dishearted or over reacting to the bad days. Easier said than done though.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Sue xxxx