Anorexia Crisis

[Karen]

Can things get any worse? I can't even trust my doctor now and it was a huge mistake sending that letter explaining everything.

I've just had a letter from the CMHT telling me she has referred me back there. I don't want to see them again. All they did was make me worse and offered no help at all.

I am petrified that if I have to see the psychiatrist again she is going to section me because she wanted me to agree to hospital treatment last time I saw her and I hadn't admitted half of the things I told my doctor in my letter.

Why does no one listen?

Right now I want to run away and hide. I am not going back to see the CMHT again. In fact, I now don't see how I can keep the appointment with my doctor on Monday. I no longer trust her at all. She didn't even discuss this with me.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Karen]

Hi Nigel

Thanks for replying.

No, I can't phone up and talk to her.

My appointment with her is first thing on Monday morning but now I don't want to go. I don't know that there is much point writing to her now because I really can no longer trust her anyway. I don't want anything more to do with any of them.

I don't believe she went ahead and did this after I specifically said it isn't what I want. It seems there is no chance of the clinic I was hoping for.

They are not going to put me in hospital. I can't let that happen. I just want to avoid them all.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Meg]

Perhaps the funding for Eastbourne will have to come from the CMTH dept. and not from a GP level and that is why you're having to be reassessed and see them again.

If they were wanting to section you, you'd have had a phone call plus a visit from a CPN by now , not just a letter keeping you informed.

Go and see the GP on Monday and get the process of what needs to happen clarified and it gives you a chance to reaffirm your needs and views.

You know its far preferable to stay in touch with her, stay rational and keep in the communication lines of what may need to happen and continue to state your views.

If you play ostrich and don't attend appts they may get over concerned about you and send someone round to the house and then you are not in such a position of strength as you are if you keep in touch and voluntarily show up and thus keep some control over the proceedings.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Karen]

Hi Meg

Do you really believe this is just to access funding?

The letter said my doctor had referred me to the crisis team and said they had received the referral on Tuesday, which means my doctor must have contacted them as soon as she read my letter on Monday.

I don't think my doctor necessarily wants to section me, but I do think if I end up back on the books of the psychiatrist or CMHT that they will. I really don't want to see any of them again. What is the point when they just pass me from one person to another and the whole thing just caused me more stress and panic last time.

Someone turning up here is what I am scared of and right now I am jumping at the slightest thing.

What if I go on Monday and she doesn't listen to me? How can I avoid going back to the CMHT again now?

I really wish I hadn't sent that letter.:(

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Karen]

I need K. I need to feel safe with her and for her to protect me. Without her I am not able to go on.

I can't let them separate me from her.

I need a way out.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Karen

It worries me that you talk about needing a way out. We know that there isn't an easy solution to this and you are not going to be with K in the future.

What sort of way out do you mean - I am worried by this.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Karen]

Sorry Nic. I don't mean to worry you or anyone. I am just scared and don't know what to do. I can't go into a psychiatric hospital because I know what happens there and I also cannot be parted from K.

If I have to see the psychiatrist again I know she will send me there and why else would my doctor refer me for psychiatric evaluation?

All of this just proves to me that it doesn't pay to be open with any of them about how I'm feeling or what has been happening. I wish I had never gone the NHS route for help. Everything is so much worse now.

Now I don't even feel safe here because I think they are going to come and cart me off to hospital. I feel so alone and terrified. I don't know what to do.

Wish I could talk to K. I need her help.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Karen

Thanks for the reply. You know that I care and read all your posts and keep up with your progress and I was worried what you may do.

Please stay strong mate and I am here if you need me. Maybe I could call you again and bore you stupid on the phone lol. Let me know. Could call over the weekend.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Karen]

Thank you Nic. I do know you care. I cannot deny thinking about suicide and putting an end to all of this. But I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to leave K either. She is the reason I am still here.

I just want to get away from here because I don't feel safe and I can't let them put me in hospital.

A phone call would be good thanks. I think I am going mad here on my own.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Karen

I know (well I can try to understand at least) how hard it is for you.

I will PM you before I call ok so you know it is me.

Take care and please try to get some sleep.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"