So I am watching TV today and I dial up an old show from the early 80's that I used to really like. Most of the actors kind of faded away so I figured I would go look them up on line to see what they were up to. The first one died early of lung cancer (huge fear of mine), the next one died early of pancreatic cancer (another huge fear), then the third died at age 38 (my age). That is all it took. I felt like this was some sort of message or sign and it totally freaks me out. It is like every where I turn I am reminded or I find something to focus on that leads me right back to my HA. This sucks. I need to find the good and learn to enjoy life but all I do is worry.

J2