Depression

[jonny]

Lucky,

Thanks, its nice to know people notice when i am not around! I ain't been to good lately, hence my lack of interaction on here or in the chat room. I always think these kind of groups are there to spread positive comments and attitudes and right now i am all out of them so i stay away so as not to spread doom and gloom. No doubt i will be on the up soon, surely the trough of this wave can't last forever!

BTW, i would love to hear anyones thoughts on this one :

My mum left me when i was 2 yrs old, and now she is knocking on my door ( not literally ) - what do i do? I am so scared!
Help!!

Jon

I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...

[Laurie28]

Jonny,

This site is for support, if you feel bad we are here to offer advice or just listen whatever you want - god knows i have posted some dreary posts and more often than not i read the replies and I feel better. No my problems don't go away but it all helps.

Pls don't think you can't post because you are not happy and upbeat.

The question on your mother is very difficult and i can't really answer it.

I can say though - Do you want to listen to what she has to say? Will you always be wondering what she wanted or will it be too hard to rake up the past?

I have a bit of a dilemma myself along the same lines (but not so involved) My mother put her son up for adoption (she was 15) he would be my full brother as he was also my dad's baby. my sister wants to look for him - I don't. Don't get me wrtong I would love to know him but I couldn't do it to my mother - It would kill her. i also couldn't ask him to get involved in my family (ie my mother is VERY messed up)

Anyway only you can decide - would our kids like to know her?

A very difficult one Jonny bu best of luck and Take Care whatever you decide and pls post if you are having any problems at all (or have anyhing good to tell us)

Love
lucky

[pauline]

Hi Jon

I can only reply to what i might have done about my mother. I was put in children's home from the day i was born my mother just had kids after kids and could not look after them. Long story but the past year i have found my sister and half brother. Things are not turning out how i would like but i do not regret finding them as my sister has told me alot about my mother and our history. The thing is its to late for me my mother died 2 years ago. So i never got to meet her and thats something that i deeply regret, mostly because i will never get the chance to talk to her to get any answers perhaps i might not of got any but i will now never have the chance. So speaking from my point of view and of course i know nothing about your situation, but perhaps you could meet with her and just see what she wants, and then demending on what you hear you decide what you want to do.

Also we want to hear from people having good times and bad.
I hope things improve for you what ever you decide. Let us know?

Take care
Pauline

pjpriest

[jonny]

Lucky,

Everytime i believe i am alone in my situations someone always comes along with a similar set of circumstances! I always tell people that in a world as big and as populated as ours we are never unique - i suppose i should listen to my own words eh?

My mother is indeed a difficult one, i really don't know what to do or think. I dont really remember her at all and have no feelings, that are my own, towards her whatsoever. I was to young when she left to miss her and to young to build up any hatred for her actions. Its just like she never existed at all. My problem really lies with my daughter, should i get to know my Mum so she can have another grandma? And would it be fair of me to take away her gran should i not wish to build up a relationship with my mum? Is it fair to let my mum meet my daughter and then take her away because i find it too difficult?
My head is spinning, i often wish things would just happen so i don't have to decide because if you wait for me to make my mind up you will be waiting forever!!!


Jon

I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...

[Laurie28]

Jonny/Pauline,

Being a mother myself I couldn't imagine life without my kids but things can go wrong and people do indeed make some awful errors and mistakes. We are only human. Pauline I was very saddened by your story
.
Good Luck

[pauline]

Jon

I would if you could let your mom if she wants to have a relationship with your daughter. As long as your mum is stable and will not hurt your daughter as it is your resonsibility to your daughter that you protect her. Only you know your mum, you do not have to have a relationship with your mother, as long as your are polite that is all that matters. But for your daughter's sake then try as i'm sure children do need grandparents.

Its true what you say about not knowing your mum and not having any feelings one way or the other for her. I never hated my mother because i never new her. Only what i was told which was never very nice and now i have been told that she was as bad, but well thats another story and far to long for me to explain on here.

take care
pauline

pjpriest

[Meg]

Hi Jonny,

You could decide to meet your Mum several times somewhere neutral without involving your daughter and then given some knowledge and gut reactions you'll know whether to extend the invitation to meet your family.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[diana]

Hiya Jonny/Pauline,

I am sitting here responding to this topic, with tears just flowing down my cheeks. My mom too left me and my dad when I was 5, and I honestly think that is when all of my emotional/psychological problems started. I do not know what to advise on this topic as I have tried on several occassions over the years to make amends with my mother, for that particular reason because she is my mother. However for me it has not been a positive trial, it has brought about even more bitter feelings about that relationship. I have never had a mother either, I don`t know what that mother/daughter bond feels like, although I will say I think it must feel like the relationship I had with my grandma, (my dads mom) who is now deceased. Which her passing just 4 years ago left me devastated. I really don`t have any positive feelings for my mother either, and as a result I think it has affected many different areas in my life, that leaves me still very sad. However Jonny not every experience is like mine, you should perhaps give her a chance to explain her side of what went wrong those many years ago. You may be quite pleasantly surprised as to what really happened or what was going on with her at the time, and atleast in knowing the entire story you can make a decision that will work for all of you. Whatever that decision might be, atleast you can maybe find some closure there one way or the other. Good luck dear. Please come back to post to let us know how all of this is going for you, and don`t stay away just because you are`nt feeling very positive or upbeat. We want to hear from you no matter what you are feeling.

Take care, Love Diana xxxxx

[diana]

Chris,

There are many different degrees of depression, but over all I would say, just from my own personal experience with depression, is that feeling of being hopeless, not wanting to participate in life basically, very tired for no given reason, don`t see any reason or rhyme to your life, etc. etc. etc. these symptoms have been my own personal experiences, but like I said there are different degrees. Good luck at the psychologists appointment. Do post again to let us know how it went.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

[jonny]

Diana,

Thanks for the words, its good to hear from people who have been through the exact same situation. And i really think it is the EXACT SAME thing. I too were brought up ( in mother terms ) by my grandma and she's still there for me when i am at my lowest. In fact i would say that a good chunk of my current problems are brought about by the fact that sooner or later she will be gone and i will be without 'my mother'. Sometimes i have really bad days and it is all because i fear both my gran and my grandad passing away and when it does happen i know my life is going to fall apart big time.
My true mother will never be my mum, too much time as gone by without her. The are no amends to make and i don't really have many questions for her. I dont judge her or hate her for the decisions she made, i suppose we all get to the point where we realize our parents are human too. I just don't know what to do and i wonder if what ever decision i make will make my problems worse.
I suppose this is one thing i just need to work out for myself.

Jon

I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...