Health Anxiety has plagued my life for years and I have felt lonely and dismissed as a mere "hypochondriac" by many people. I do think there is a difference between the two as it says in the article, I dont imagine I am ill with no symptoms, I just panic over the slightest twinge or "odd thing" I notice, which in cool reality are most probably not "odd" at all. So, here I am on a Saturday evening, after a few hours with my best friend (which I ruined by imagning the ectopic beat I felt earlier was proof that I was having a cardiac incident) looking for proof that I was right.....but something different happened, I didn't do my usual hunt of the internet for a site to prove me correct and give me a definite answer, I came here instead.
To my joy I saw there was final recognition of health anxiety and I have to say I have gone from panic to calm after reading the articles posted here and the ones on ectopic beats (which yes I have had an ECG for!!!) The articles were sensible, sensitive and written for adults and not in that "Awwww are you slightly nuts" way that some things I have read are. I agree with the contents of the articles, I have suffered health anxiety since 18 years of age (I am now 33) my adult life has been dogged by fear, trips to the Doctor, tests, self diagnosis, prodding, poking, and testing myself and still does. I have lost partners due to my negative outlook, had friends drift away as they couldnt handle having to constantly hear my list of "ailments" and so therefore have been quite lonely. I have been in this cycle for such a long time it has seemed unlikely to ever be broken...BUT......I have read this site over and over tonight and I realise I am not alone and I also realise that with the right approach that I can actually look to break free of fear and live the life I want to and do the things I havent done through fear it may be the one thing "that killed me" oh yes, I have avoided learning to drive, going on holiday and just laying in the park with friends being in the moment. I have tried counselling and different techniques and none of them really worked but I think with other negative things going on I wasnt ready to let them work....I still smoke and do need to lose weight, which is completely insane as I have a constant fear over my heart health!
So, I now have made a choice and as I write this "and stop for the odd chest prod and pulse check) I have joined my local gym online and requested stop smoking information to be sent out. I see it this way, those things will damage my heart health and so keep me in the cycle of fear and anxiety whilst I do them. I have also decided to save the money from cigarettes to go on holiday next year with my best friend (or as she should be called, my rock) if it wasnt for her love and care I think I would have committed suicide before now in honesty, she has dragged me up and held me on so many occasions that I have to mention her and yet I have repaid her with negativity and a draining level of wittering, worrying and reassurance seeking.
The only thing I want to add to the articles was something my hypnotherapist explained to me. My father used to bully me and treat me differently to the others, My mother (who was amazing) but also used to put the other children's needs first, then her own and then mine made me start to believe there was something wrong with me, in later life as I don't get those messages from them any more my brain still seeks those messages and so fulfills this need by convincing me I am ill or in other terms, there is still something wrong with me. The hypnotherapy didnt cure the health anxiety, I think it is so strong in me it is going to take a team of miniature therapists to go into my brain and tweek it but I have to say it was very calming and a lovely feeling, so anyone looking at it as a quick fix may not find that but it does make you feel great after and worth it for the relaxed feeling.
This went on much longer than planned but has been a therapy in itself to write and I hope it will make a worthy addition to the great articles written and maybe help someone somewhere to make that first step towards taking back the life that is rightfully yours. I will update on here as I make my way out of the cave of anxiety I currently live in. love to all who suffer the many forms of anxiety and depression, they may be unique to each of us but they also connect us all.
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