Will i ever find true love..

[Bill]

I feel I can't not reply to the lovely things you've said but I don't really know what I can say!

Like Charlotte says though, to think back how the thread started compared to the later posts, I think there has been a big transformation in how you (Dan) and Hannah now think about the future and the opposite sex, and it's really pleasing.

I think when we've suffered very bad experiences we naturally start fearing and looking for the worst in people because of our fear of suffering more hurt. I must admit I too have suffered my own experiences of hurt from others but, and don't ask me why, I still try to look for the good in people until they give me cause to not trust them. Something else I always try to do is look at circumstances through their eyes to try and understand why someone may have reacted badly towards to me. Sometimes there is no reason other than clash of personalities or misunderstandings but sometimes if they are suffering hurt themselves they can misdirect it towards others who are not to blame.

Anyway, I hope Hannah you're now glad you plucked up the courage to post because otherwise none of us would ever have noticed what a truly lovely person you are! Some day, some fella will regard themselves as being Extremely Lucky to have met you! How I wish I was single and 20 years younger! (Sssshhhh, don't tell Dan!)

And Dan....just keep going and never give up on hope. You have enough proof here to convince you that there are Good people around of Both sexes. Just find ways to put yourself out there, be "you" and the right girl for "you" will come along. In fact, they'll probably be fighting over you!...and I'll honestly be envying you!

[charlotte83]

I still try to look for the good in people until they give me cause to not trust them. Something else I always try to do is look at circumstances through their eyes to try and understand why someone may have reacted badly towards to me. Sometimes there is no reason other than clash of personalities or misunderstandings but sometimes if they are suffering hurt themselves they can misdirect it towards others who are not to blame.

I do exactly the same as that, I always think there are reasons for things, even why people may be hurtful or nasty. Some people think I am a mug but I think its important to know that nothing in life is black and white, and things are very complex. Sometimes people be hurtful to others because they don't know how to communicate how they really feel or any number of things. It's also important to know where to draw the line and not be bullied or walked all over by people but I will always give people second chances. Also, there probably are some people who are just plain old nasty and there is no "reason" they are like that other the being nasty sadly.
Sometimes I feel too much of a duty towards helping others and not enough towards myself but I don't know if that is some kind of avoidance on my part to help myself.
It is a good thing to be able to see things from all angles like that as long as you don't take on other peoples problems to an extent that is bad for you. I think if more people were kind and open minded and also communicated more clearly then the world would be a much nicer place!
Half the problems come from people feeling once emotion but showing another, like someone feeling hurt will get angry and spiteful and the other person might not have even intended hurt or known they had upset that person. Then they feel hurt because they don't know why the person is being nasty and so it goes on and on! If people communicated how they felt in the first place then none of that would happen but thats my stupid idealist veiw that will never happen! Sorry, I feel as if I have hi-jacked this post now!

[charlotte83]

I'll just add, I used to be very scared of being hurt but I have come to realise that I am not in the wrong and if I am always honest and open and kind to people then they will know where they stand at least and can choose to respond how they like. They might not always respond in a nice way but I know that at least I have given them the chance to see I only mean good and its not my fault if they can't see that, I have done my best

[Desprate Dan]

Hi Charlotte,

I agree totally with you and i also feel the same, i was abused, walked all over, and made to feel i was not worthy of anyone, and i was frightened to leave, i know Claire had problems and i tried my best to help, but she would take it out on me, but some how it became easier for me to let her do that, than to watch her feeling so low, i know it sounds silly but thats how it was...

This topic has been a great success like you rightly said, it started off very sad, but now it is a very possitive and happy topic, i have met some wonderful people in the short time i have been on this forum, Bill has been an inspiration to me i would love to have a brother like him, he is so kind and caring and means a lot to me, Also my sweet friend Hannah she was affraid to post now i am so glad she plucked up the courage to post because she is such a beautiful, caring, and loving person, and that goes for all the other lovelly people on this site, i just wish the world was full of more people like this..

We all have to spend time on this earth, and for me why not make it as nice as possible, love and comfort and care for each other..

When i first joined this forum i was so low i had lost faith in people and i would just like to thank you all for reasuring me that my life is worth living and there is plenty of lovelly kind people in this world...

For all of you, the words in this song are exactly how i feel..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gUxV9htH9U

Thank you and bless you all....

Dan x

[Bill]

its important to know that nothing in life is black and white, and things are very complex. Sometimes people be hurtful to others because they don't know how to communicate how they really feel or any number of things.

Just a couple of thoughts on the above. "Black and White thinking" - Sometimes we can all suffer from this. To feel something must be right or wrong because we can't cope with grey areas. I know I used to think like that until I realised life just isn't like that. I think we may associate grey areas with uncertainty which creates doubts but if we don't accept grey areas it can make us very rigid and judgemental which means we can then act through our sensitivity which then leaves us feeling bad when we find out we got the wrong end of the stick.

In the same way, when we're hurting we can lash out without meaning to and often the other person will fight back because they don't realise we're acting the way we are because we're feeling so much pain from issues in our lives.

If somone asks "How are you?" You could react by saying "Why, do I look ill?" or simply reply "I'm fine, thank you for asking". In the former reply it could be because you're feeling so anxious and when you looked in the mirror in the morning you really thought you looked ill but the person who asked wouldn't even be aware of your anxiety and was just asking out of politeness or because they care. How we act can affect how others react and so many fights start because of misunderstandings or lack of understanding, sometimes because we keep things bottled.

We're sensitive people so can often act on our emotions before we give ourselves time to think what the other person actually meant.

It happened to me just yesterday. Someone at my club really started getting at me and I just couldn't figure out why because everything I said was wrong in their eyes. I had a chat with them today and they explained it wasn't about me, it was the frustration they were feeling in themselves. They apologised and now we're ok. I'll know next time! If he'd told me how he was feeling rather than taking his feelings out on me, I'd have understood what was wrong. I guessed there was more to it but I think with men generally speaking especially, we perhaps have more difficulty sharing our emotions which I think can create problems both for us and those around us. If we keep biting without telling others we've a thorn in our paw, others will only react back with the hurt they'll feel because they won't be allowed to understand why we keep biting!

Patience, communication and understanding. Things we all need.

Sorry it's offtrack. Just a couple of thoughts.

[AliBlack]

Well I wrote a long reply which got lost
Dan, not all women want bad blokes, I certainly don't and I think females who do are asking for trouble.
You will find someone sensitive and loving, just as you deserve, it is worth taking risks sometimes and I'm saying that even though I am heartbroken at the moment as my partner left me in July after 18 years, the right person is worth it!
All the best

[Desprate Dan]

Thankyou so much Ali, i really hope so, i just have so much fear inside because like my last realationship i couldn't escape and got abused, i am so frightened that i cant find the right person, i really wish i had a girl who would understand me i am so tense i really need to take things slow and get to know each other lay together and cuddle, befor taking the next step as i am so worried that my me being tense an uptight will effect my performance, i seem to have got this into y head that i will fail and i am so worried what my partner will think of me, i just wish there was agirl who felt exactly the same as me and we both together could take things nice and easy, but my male friend just seem to run around seeing how many girls they can get, but that is not at all for me, i just want someone to share my love with, surely kindness, love and trust becomes before sex...

Dan x

[Bill]

The sparkle of light within staring eyes that pierce to intoxicate the body and soul yet filled with profound sadness consumed with hurt and sorrow with nowhere to go. Lips smooth and soft, tender as velvet of pink rose petals moistened after a summer evenings rain shower. Silent and still with unspoken thoughts and words that if said would fill the motionless eyes with dewdrops that would fall lonely to the ground to evaporate in the burning desert to be ignored and forever forgotten. Her face filled with warmth that if touched would electrolyse with sensation from the fingertips across the body filling with heat and wonder that only an ordinary human being could create within another. To behold beauty that even the owner cannot see within their own reflection in a mirrored glass lake. A swan, an angel, a princess that believes it to be a Cinderella. What finer creation can there be than the natural creation held within an angel with an ordinary angels face?