Will i ever find true love..

[Desprate Dan]

I am not sure how to start this as its sounds really soppy, but the thing is i have always been a very shy guy, infact to the point were i am unable to speak with the opposite sex with out getting embarrased and nervous..

I will tell you when and were it all started i think...

When i was younger my friends were always boasting about how many girls they had slept with and all that jazz, And not to feel left out i told a little white lie, i said ihad met this girl whilst on holiday with my parents and we had sex on the beach, "Well at least that stopped them calling me Dan the Virgin"..

The when i was 16 my freinds said this girl really fancied me and wanted to sleep with me, this girl had a bit of a reputation and to be honest i didnt really fancy her, but i felt i couldn't say no my freinds would tease me forever...

So off i went to meet this girl at her house as her parents were away, she was so full on and so confident....And i was terrified, shaking in my boots.... Well when we eventually got down to it, it was a total disaster..... and i just couldn't perform it just wouldnt work for me.... not only that the girl actually laughed at me, i begged her not to tell anyone and that i was really sorry...

But guess what yep, she told all my mates that i ccouldnt perform and how small i was down below... I felt so upset i couldnt face anyone and never wanted to be in that posistion ever again, and i got totally humiliated and my mates teased me for what seemed like months and months..

I think thats when i shut up shop.. I wouldnt let people in incase i got hurt again my self confidence was shot to pieces, i could only feel confident after drinking so i started to drink to give me confidence..

I met a girl called Claire who i had knew from school, she was telling me she had been i a really bad relationship, and i helped her through the hard times, she had a 1 year old daughter Megan, and everything was good, we started a relationship, she said she wanted to take every thing slowly which suited me to the ground..
I was with Claire for 6 years the first year was fine the last five a total nightmare, i became her puppet, she would verbally abuse me call me a failure, i could do no right at all, she suffered with depression, i tried my best help but i was pushed away, she finished with me 6 or more times the she would phone me up and ask me to come back, which i always did..
Simply because i believed no one else would ever love me, she told me i should be grateful to her for putting up with me, she would often make me sleep on the floor or on the sofa, I use to really feel sorry for Megan, she would see her mam ranting and raving at me and would get so upset..
I started to suffer from erection problems i have never spoken to anyone about this not even my GP.. Only Clair knew and boy did she let me know, she said i was a failure, i really believed that there is something wrong with me, why couldnt i perform on demand.????
I would get so upset..

Now Claire has left me for someone else, i feel i have lost everything.

The thing is i am so scare to enter another relationship, because one if it doesnt work out i could never end it, i couldn't hurt someone like that, i dont want to be in a bad realtionship like i was. And what will happen if my nerves stop me from performing i couldnt handle the humiliation again...This shouldnt happen to me i am a young man...AAAHHHH "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME"

I guess i must live my life alone......

Desprate Dan

[LouiseJones1986]

Hey Desprate Dan

No wonder your confidence was shot! god how selfish people, I really feel for you,

I didnt want to read and run, You are not a failure because you suffer from erection problems hun, no wonder you were under so much stress and pressure to perform and because you were under so much pressure you couldnt do it, this doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you physically please dont blame yourself like this, you are not destined to live your life alone, if you dont feel relaxed before you start you will not be able to perform its simple,

Take time out for yourself for a bit, dont rush into another relationship, take time out for you and one day you will find someone who doesnt label you a failure because your not,

[Cat80]

Aww Dan so sorry to hear you've hd such bad experiences in the past. I'm 29 and like you worry I'm never going to find that person because my social phobia stops me going to places that I would meet men etc.

I'm sure one day you will meet the right girl for you and one that is understanding of your anxiety, nerves etc. Until then don't settle for someone who does nothing but put you down, that will only make you feel worse when really the person doing the putting down is the shallow one

[charlotte83]

Hi dan,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel the way you do, it sounds like you're confidence was already low and then you had it knocked again and again by people who should have treated you better. You won't be alone forever, don't give up hope, there are some really nice genuine people out there even if they are sometimes hard to find. I'm sure you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are, doesn't try to change you or treat you badly and understands your anxiety and supports you with it. Then I'm sure you will feel much less nervous and genuinely comfortable so your problems with performing will undoubtedly get better.
In the meantime, try and concentrate on yourself and just see what happens, but like cat said, don't settle for someone who is ultimately not making you happy and bringing your confidence down, relationships are not meant to do that. Take care

[Worrier]

Hey Dan,

Well I just wanted to say that you sound like the most caring, nurturing, loving and kind man and that someone will be very lucky to find you and have you as their soulmate.

Look, the fact is that nice guys like you do seem to get the rough end of the stick sometimes. The problem is that you have never found the right kind of person to connect with. These women in your past were obviously very selfish, self-centered and ignorant human beings and you deserve much better.

Maybe you need to try and find it within yourself to join some clubs or groups of something that you are interested in, at least then if you meet other there you will know that you do have something in common.

Lastly, you must stop devaluing yourself and be kind to yourself. Love will find you when you are least expecting it and just take it as it comes. There is someone for everyone.

You sound like a great guy who has lots of love and affection to give and just needs some caring and kindness in return.

Hang in there and I'm wishing that someone finds you and makes you happy.

Take care
Natalie xx

[Danath]

Mate this isn't you thats the problem its the people who have surrounded you for what sounds like a large portion of your life.

having sex for the first time is a terrifying thing, no matter how much a bloke might be macho about it I guarantee he was panicking like mad the first time he did it, now I can only imagine how it feels when you're in that situation and the girl laughs in your face, frankly, she can't have been worth it, so consider it a blessing you didn't get together with her if thats the sort of person she is!

It is unfortunately a little known fact that men also often end up in abusive relationships, you have to think positive mate, your line of thinking appears to be

'what is wrong with me?'

what you should be saying is:

'whats wrong with them?'

its not you man its the people you were around, aqnd if thats how they treat you then they think nothing of you at all and are best not bothering with, cut them otu of your life.

hope this helps.

Dan

[Desprate Dan]

Thanks so much for all your kind words i really appreaciate it and you have made me feel a lot better.. Thank you all.

I have always suffered with anxiety and i have very little confidence in my self, i see other lads who tell be about all the girls they have been with and seem to chase everything in a skirt... But for me i would rather get to know and feel really comftable with a girl before we move onto the next step... But it seem's that is not the Macho thing to do so i feel as if something is wrong with me, but the girls i have met have either wanted a one night stand or have treated me so badly, but i believe its my fault because i let them treat me that way and didnt stand up for myself..

I am sure there is a lovelly careing girl out there for me, i just want someone i can cherish, love and look after and cuddle up with.. its not to much to ask.

My veiws might seem old fashioned but hey thats me, i could never go out clubbing chatting up a diffrent girl every other night and use girls for sex only, its deeper than that for me next time i meet a girl which i hope i will, i hope she will move slowly with me so we can really get to know and love each other before we get serious..

Do girls like that???

It seems to me that some girls like a man to treat them mean, something i would never do..

Thanks again for your reply's.

Desprate Dan.

[mandie]

Hi Dan

Im sorry u have had some bad experiences.

You sound like a lovely person and many girls would love to be with someone like u.

You dont have to live yr life alone. When the time is right u will find that someone, there are some nice women out there!!!

I often think im gonna be on my own forever having a 9 year relationship break down and then a 2 year one.

Everyone says love will come when im not expecting it! hope so!

love mandie x

[paullong]

Hi mate
I found the love of my life and it all went pear shaped and it hurts real bad so am thinking of giving it up. Just got a baby jack russell only woman in my life! Take it easy mate getting well is the priority for me

[PoppyC]

Dan - You sound like a really lovely person and just because you have had some nasty experiences with some horrid people, dont let those awful experiences put you off being open to meeting other women, because there are some nice women out there, and I hope that eventually you will find one who adores you, because you deserve it. Dont let your ex's ruin your future for you, because of how they treated you. Just be glad that they are in the past. They will probably be making someone else miserable now.
Sometimes I think we have to go through the horrid times in order to get to the good times. I think I read that somewhere