Panic Attacks triggered by death/bereavement

[TSJ2004]

Hey all, I am new to this site, although not new to panic attacks!

I will try to remain as brief as possible so as not to send anyone asleep, however it is a lot to explain so I would appreciate anyone, even if its just one person to take time to read

I had my first taste of panic attacks when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2005. He died a short time after and from that moment on I had severe panic attacks and didnt leave my house for 6mths. I had some bereave,ent counselling and after a further 3-4mths I learnt to control them to a certain extent and they were fewer and farther between and I was once again able to leave my house..

Exactly a yr to the day my dad died, my mum was diagnosed with Cervical cancer. We learnt soon after that the cancer had spread to other organs and the outlook wasnt too positive. Back came my panic attacks with a vengence. They were bad, but this time somehow (and i have no idea how) I didnt lose complete control and was able to still venture outdoors. However, it was a different story 7mths later when my grandad was rushed to hospital. As my mum was so poorly with her cancer I took her place of next of kin and had the shock of my life when I was pulled aside and told my grandad had days to live as they had found her was in the later stages of terminal lung cancer. I remained at his bedside daily and he passed away 11 days later with me holding his hand. 2 days before his funeral his sister literally dropped dead of a massive heart attack & 10wks later my mum passed away with me holding her hand. That moment was by far the most severe panic attack i had ever had and i was treated by the nursing staff with oxygen and whatever else it was they gave me. 2wks after the funeral my uncle was found dead in his flat, the post mortem revealed he was riddled with cancer.The panics remained with me and for 7mths I could not leave my house. I then begun counselling again and soon regained some control although have never been able to leave my house unless im with someone and even then its somewhere never far from my house - usually just the local corner shop or my little girls pre-school.

So anyway I thought i was doing well until 4 wks ago. My sister in law who has just turned 27 was diagnosed with renal cancer. The cancer has already spread and the outlook is rather bleak right now. My panic attacks are worse than ever - I havent left my house for 2wks and my little sister has been taking my daughter to school. They are completely different attacks this time - I get severe vertigo, i cant focus straight and i seem to lose the swallow reflex! My mouth completely dries up and I cant even sip a drink because i cant seem to swallow. They last longer than they used to and even when the worst of the symptoms have passed I feel im constantly in a 'fog of panic'. My daughter has her 5th birthday party in 2 wks time which has been booked for months in a local hall. Im so worried my panic attacks are going to prevent me getting there?

As you can probably gather my attacks seem to be triggered by death/cancer.

Any tips/advice would be so gratefully received right now...

[anx mum]

A big hug 2 u hun just sent u a pm xx

[Maj]

You've had an awful lot on your plate the last few years. No wonder you feel like you do - you're only human! Have you been to your g.p.? I think the doctor would have no hesitation in giving you something to get through all this. It's an awful lot to cope with yourself. I really hope that you get some help. You'll get lots of support on here. I'm sure you will get through it but you've been through so much so it'll take time. Look after yourself. Eat when you want, sleep when you want (if you can, with kids), give yourself some tender loving care. You so deserve it. Take each day as it comes. I bet you get to your daughter's birthday party! Let us know how you are getting on.
Love
Myra x

[Veronica H]

to NMP. You will find comfort and support here.

Veronica

[Desprate Dan]

Hello TSJ2004,

I really feel for you, you have had so much hurt, please speak to your GP and tell him exactly what you have told us, they will do whatever they can to help, but you need to ask they dont come looking for you..

I really do feel for you after all you have had to deal with, life can seem so unfair at times..

I hope you feel better soon, you have made a start by joining this forum there is plenty of people in similar situations which makes it easier for us as we all help each other along..

You are never alone.

Take care

Desprate Dan

[Izzycam]

All my luv to you!

[TSJ2004]

Thank you very much. I have lost count the times the doctor has offered me medication, but why am I too scared to try them??!! I think i have scared myself by reading about the horrific side effects that some people have experienced!

Clitopram or something that sounded like that was the last one I was offered. Any one here on that?

I think im going to have to give in this time and take something, because they are more often and horrific than times before, I was up at 3am this morning with one again.

My sister-in-law has been phoning me a lot in recent days as she is very low due to feeling so poorly from her chemotherapy and because her hair has pretty much all gone now. Its so hard to hide the panic when i am talking to her - when I saw her at the weekend she noticed my hands shaking, I just made the excuse that it was maybe where i hadnt eaten! Didnt want to let on it was the panic building up! Even when i put the phone down from her i go to pieces, my throat feels like it closes and then wham full blown panic! I get so angry with myself because its her thats suffering and she is coping so well with all that is happening to her, yet everytime i see and speak to her up comes the panic. Theres no getting away from it.

[tasia]

Hi there
My heart goes out to you..you have been through so much its no wonder you are suffering... You will have to go to the docs and tell him what you have told us you deffinately need to take something to try to calm your nerves and help you over these next difficult weeks..I like you nursed my dad through illness until he died and than my mum with cancer until she died plus i had 3 children and also other probs going on..i was at my wits end and went through a dreadful dark period..but I did come out of it. The swallowing reflex thing..I get from time to time too when im very anxious. I hope your sister in law gets well soon bless her. You will find peace in your life again. Take care x

[dottytoots]

Hi there, havent really got enough advice for you at the mo, but I have joined for a very similar reason. So maybe we can help each other LOL!

My family is much smaller than yours (I'm an only one and now an adult orphan) but in a nutshell my mum died aged 43 when I was 19, I was there when they turned off the life support, 6 months before this my nana dropped dead of a heart attack in front of me and I did CPR to no avail. Then when I was 7 months pregnant with my now 4 month old girl, my dad died of a massive heart attack at only 57. I had to get the police and ambulance to break in to find him. I had my baby son with me at the time and can still hear how I howled out. See my intro post for full story.

I started having panic attacks in July, all surrounding being terrified that I am about to drop dead and I presented myself at A and E thinking I was having a heart attack.

I have been prescribed diazapam 2mg to take only when needed and so far they have been brilliant. They worked so well that I have dared take on panic attacks without them, knowing that I have them as a back up.

I dont want to take anti deps as they were involved in my mums death. So I am having counselling. But I have found lurking on this site is enough to help me see I am not alone, so much so that I joined it.

My best advice is dont fight the panic attacks, read up on the symptoms and tick them off as they happen. They are frightening but not dangerous.

I am still freaked out at every mention of death or illness, but I try to concentrate on my children to take my mind off it. Keeping busy helps me too.

Sorry - editing to say I finished my post early cos my baby woke up, but wanted to add that I am so sorry for all your losses. And on the anti - d's front, give them a go. I have very personal reasons for not wanting them. I did give them a try last year when my DR thought I may have post natal depression. Turns out I didnt but thats another story. She put me on citalopram and they made me feel really anxious so I stopped taking them after 3 days. But guess what!!! Turns out it wasnt the citalpram doing that, the so called side effects I was getting was my first panic attacks, we just didnt recognise them as PAs at the time! It was my fear of anti ds making me panic, not the drug. But as it happens I picked myself up fine and carried on without PAs until the sudden death of my dad. So dont worry if you feel a bit panicky on them.

Just so you know I know how you feel.
DT

[hollygirl]

I am so sorry for all that you have been through. When I read your post I could not believe how much you have been through in recent times. I too am in a terrible state of anxiety and panic and I can honestly say I have not had to experience the stresses you have! I think you are incredibly strong and brave.

My panic attacks started after my dad died. I didn't really ever have anything like it up until then but I was stressed as my dad had been very ill two years before and in out of hospital for months but he pulled through. Then my sister got ill and my mum was ill, I had lost my grandparents (only had one set of grandparents) a few years before. I seemed to keep coping but then my dad had a massive stroke and I rushed out of work to the hospital but by the time I got there he was in a coma. He died the next day with me there holding his hand. I went back to work a week later and just kept going - then months later the panic attacks started. They have been with me on and off ever since along with chronic ongoing anxiety. I am also scared of going out of the house and have periods of very bad agoraphobia. I am also like you in that I am really scared of taking anti depressants.

I do think though there comes a point when you are feeling so bad it can overcome that fear. Even if it is just for a few months to get you over the worst part. Or maybe if you dont want those your doc might prescribe valium.

You are a very strong person and the way you are reacting is natural - you have had many shocks and traumatic experiences and your body is reacting to this. I send you lots of hugs.