just to vent - you can reply if you want guys

[randomworry]

Hi

Im writing this out of pure frustration and anger i quess.
Im angry and the way things have turned out for me - i mean i have OCD from a young age where i feared germs and constantly washed my hands - now at 25 i still am nuerotic and have worse problemts.

All my life i have been a sensitive type of person but i think this personality trait is so self destructive. My health fears have been relentless in the past 4 years and particularly in the last 2.

2 years ago my hands started shaking/tremor and i thought oh my god ive got parkinsons as you do...lol. I walked about in a zombified daze all the time and read hundreds of sites about parkinsons.

It turned out to be an overactive thyroid and is controled by taking 2 tablets daily.
then as soon as this was under control i got blood on the toilet paper.
Oh noooo ive got bowel cancer i thought. again after months of pure hell and a scope up you know where i was told i have crohns. phew!

Well this is where i thought that must be the end of my problems..........oh no because im still an obsessive fool so i started worrying about a time a knocked my head 4 years ago and started noticing minor headaches for which i started taking paracetamol and cocodamol.

eventually i went to doc when headache didnt go completely and got an anti inflammatory which made the headache much worse.

now 2 months later im suffering from daily headaches. - i never used to suffer from headaches before and i am sure that its caused by my misuse of painkillers - im sure i was using more than 3 times in a week.

i just dont get it - i know life is unfair but why me. i know people that took illegal drugs when young and doing much better than me. One is even a doctor. And i have been destroyed by accident by misusing paracetamol - how bloody ironic!

i know there are people in much worse situations than me but i feel so gutted especially when i have a masters course to do at the moment.

i really am so fed up and tired. im tired of fear and worry and tired of obsession. All it does is lead to more problems its a self fulfilling prophesy!

i remember one psychologist tell me you have to get your ocd under control or it will destroy you - he was so right

[maddie]

Hi there. Vent away!

I'm afraid I can't offer any solutions, but thought I'd let you know I read your post and can understand how fed up you feel. Good luck with the masters.