Hey..
I was first diagnosed with depression about 2 yrs ago. I dunno wot really stared it off but i can pin point a few.
When i was 15 i was raped by a guy i knew for ages. He was in the same yr and form as me at school. He was the same age and he lived just down the road from me. We was walking home one day from schoool because i went to the after school club and he was there. He wanted 2 walk me home so i said ok. We got to my house and he said can you come out for a bit and were meet up with some mates. So i said yes and didnt think anything off it. He took me other the field thats dead oppisite my house. He said he wanted to have sex, i said no. He pushed me to the floor and raped me. He never said sorry or anything. I have lived with it since. I reported it to the police about 6 months ago. Its going to court but i dunno when.
When i was 16 i was going out with this guy Ryan who was 19. He was lovely and i thought i was in love with him. We were getting on really well, my mum and dad liked him but there was something there that i didnt like. Like they were putting an act on about liking him. He raped me one day outta the blue. I thought he would never do this to me but he did. I used to go on chatrooms (msn) for some advice about our relationship. I met my bestfriend (who is still now my best friend). She helped me with what we could do. I feel pregnant with his baby. He didnt want a baby, he wanted 2 have a life before settling down. He told me to abort the baby which i couldnt do. I threatned to go to the police and i cant really remeber what happend but he killed himself. He couldnt live with what he did.
Two yrs ago my parents split up. I was really upset and i was blaming myself. My dad always wanted 2 do what he wanted to do, bugger anyone else. When we had family around he used to go into another room and watch tv on his own. My mum was a family person. She loved to have people around and chat. Anway they split up in late oct to early nov. So nearly 2 yrs nw. Everything was ok, my dad didnt kick my mum out or anything we all lived together. Then my mum waned to get a house of her own, this is wen it all started to get to much. She moved out March i think it was. She was seeing someone from work that i knew and i also worked with nearly everyday. It was hard because i could never get away. My mum finally moved out and i decided to live with my dad. My sister went with my mum and her bf came around everynight. Then she got pregnant. I thought i couldnt handle it so i really hated my mum for it. Didnt want to go near her.
My couisen used to try having sex with me. We went on holiday to the New Forest every yr since i was a few months old. I thought nothing at it at first thought he was just being friendly. Then we was fishing one day and he told me to do stuff to him. I didnt know any better so i did it.
Its a lot to take in lol. The last few months my dad has been touching me up, making funny comments, seing me all the time. I went around too see him as i normally do on wednesdays (because his gf isnt there who i hate). He started being funny with me, he masterbated in front off me and tried to get me to do things with him. I said no thanks but he didnt say anything he just grabbed my hand. Im not sure how long after that but he raped me. I couldnt believe what was going on. My own dad! He raped me again and i feel pregnant. This was recently, i found out the other day i lost the baby.
I have been depressed all through this and i have been put in anti-depressents for the last few yrs. I have changed twice because they didnt suit me. If it wasnt for my best mate sticking by me i would be dead. The next thing i have to do is get outta the place im in, for my own sake and to start a new life.
If anyone wants to reply then can, all im after is some advice i guess and to get it off my chest.
~Boo Boo~
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