Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness

[bellabessnjet]

I feel so down about myself, am always having negative thoughts, not good enough, not good at anything, not interesting, better of dead, only 6 (max) people would miss me if I died, just want out, etc,etc

I thought I was getting a bit better but started a beat the blues course, which has made me see how pathetic I really am. ie target for the week to read a book! Thats the highlight of my week.Sad!

It seems that everytime the fog lifts slightly something or someone will do, say or act in such a way to make it come down again. I am trying hard to be a little positive but I'm soooooo tired. I love my husband and son SO much and would never leave them, but sometimes wish I could.

Is this just depression? Been through a lot in last 7yrs but never really stopped just got on with it, anyone been through same or have the same feelings?
Sorry for waffling just needed to get it out thanks for reading

angela

[Maj]

Hi,

You sound so low. You are not pathetic! Your self-esteem seems to have been given a bit of a knock. Some people will say things to make you feel bad at times but it's letting it not matter that's the answer. I know it's difficult sometimes but if someone says something to make you feel bad then they're not the type of person you want to listen to anyway. Some people are negative and something I read says when anxious or depressed you should stay away from negative people. You have a lovely husband and son, these are the people who matter. Not the people who say or do things to wind you up. The 7 hard years you've had have obviously caught up with you but you can get through this. Think of yourself for once, give yourself some t.l.c. and you will get there.
Regards
Myra

[bellabessnjet]

hi Myra,
Unfortunately the people concerned are my parents, both sefish and that absorbed in themselves. I've always got on with it been more of a parent then daughter. Trouble is I now dont know how to say NO and have me time. I dont know who I am or what I like anymore! I feel like sceaming at them but know the answer will be 'thats in the past forget about it' but they've always took from me and never supported or stuck up for me, I wish icould tell them but them I'd be the bad one! Ps they're divorced.

[sue.b]

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You are not pathetic, at least you made the effort to have a goal and when you are suffering with depression or anxiety reading a book can be difficult to say the least.

I have felt as you do at the moment, and also spent most of my time trying to make life good for others in the family, not my husband i might add he is brilliant and has been so supportive and patient with me since i have been unwell. I have, without realising over the last year run myself into the ground by not saying no enough. Hopefully i have learned by my mistakes and will think of me before jumping in and volunteering my services.

I have been setting goals for myself too, such as stay indoors for half an hour on my own, having friends over to visit for a couple of hours, these goals are no different to yours, they are our baby steps on the road to recovery.

Try not to allow other peoples behaviour to upset you, if others choose to behave in an unkind/unthoughtful way then you have the right to choose to not take on board their behaviour, especially as it causes you distress.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Take care

Sue xxx

[bellabessnjet]

Thanks Sue,

I just feel like no-one understands me. I dont like this person I've become, even though theres nothing wrong with me(but the depression and anxiety) I am a genuinely NICE person (god I hate that word) Do anything to help anyone if I can, and yet cant do anything to help myself, When I die they'll put She was nice on my headstone because thats all I am NICE AHHHHHHHH. I know its not a bad thing, but I wish I could be a little more selfish, not just for myself but for my family. Sometimes because i've neen NICE people use and abuse you, take what they can etc, etc. Due to see a councellor on Friday to talk and see whether the beat the blues course is for me, hopefully it will help. Thanks for all the advice, its good to know others care.

[Mandylou]

Bella know exactly how you are feeling as I'm there also - don't ever get desparate - you have lots of friends and help here. Good luck with the counselling - l'm still waiting after 2 months and I also have no-one to talk too. Keep in touch.

[Maj]

Hi,

I really feel for you that you don't have supportive parents - yes they are obviously so wrapped up in themselves that they can't give support to you. I know it is difficult but try not to let their personalities have an affect on you. You seem like a lovely, kind, considerate, caring person and they are infact very lucky to have you as a daughter. They're more to be pitied the fact that they don't realise this. There's no point in you wasting more of your time and energy making you feel more down. I think you really have to think of yourself for once. I know how difficult it is because I can be too "nice" and yes, some people do take advantage of that at times but I like to think that these people aren't worth bothering about. You can't let them drag you down any longer. Give yourself some t.l.c. and start living life how you want it - not how they want you to.
Myra

[bellabessnjet]

Hi Myra,
Thanks for your reply, something you've said had really made me think. Live life the way I want to' I've never thought of it like that, always pleasing others, Since I read it I keep thinking it makes a lot of sense and maybe I can do that. Instead of expecting/wanting other people to be like me and have my standards live my own life the way I want to. Thank you for that advice, something so obvious and simple and yet something Id completely forgotten to do! lol.
Much apreciated
Angela

[Alicat]

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've had the same feelings. I'm a bit too tired to write anything meaningful at the moment so I'll come back. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you x

[sandi pawsey]

Hi there so sorry you are feeling sooo bad. I know where you are coming from i feel exactly the same. I suffer badly from guilt problems and no matter what people say to me i think i am a bad person - my girlfriend said the other day have you ever killed anyone and i said no so she said you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am sure the same applies to you. Hold on in there . xx