Two years stolen

[Mudskipper]

Glancing at the calendar earlier, I realised that for the past two years I've had almost permanent anxiety to one degree or another. Unlike previous episodes which were generally centred on one thing, I now find that as soon as I find some reassurance on the larger things, my mind starts rummaging around in my 'cupboard of anxieties' then emerges with something else, shouting 'Well how about this? Forgotten this hadn't you?' and I'm off again. This time it's lung/kidney/bladder cancer and I thought I'd made my peace with those particular worries long since.
If it wasn't for my two kids I think I'd just run away from it all and keep running. My doctor wants me to try paroxetine now. After reading some of the horror stories about it I'm not sure, but somehow I've got to claim my life back. Frankly I wish I'd never been born...

[sarah jayne]

I know how you feel because because its been just over 2 years since i started with my anxiety. Its been 2 years of hell. Your not on your own x

[PoppyC]

Hello
Sorry to hear you are feeling as you do.
I can relate to how you feel as I it nearly 1 and half years since my anxiety and breakdown happened. I really thought I would now be back to the old me again but so far I am not but maybe thats a good thing. I was far too stressed.
What medications have you tried? Everyone has different opinions of the medication they have tried and whilst some people may not like Paroxetine there are others who it has really helped. I take citalopram and for me that helps a lot but there are others who it doesnt work for.
Do you have any counselling?
I think we just have to keep going with hope in sight that will eventually feel much better, no matter how long it is seeming to take.
Hugs to you because I know how tough it can seem at times.

[Mudskipper]

Thanks both. I was on fluoxetine for several years on and off, then the doc switched me to citalopram back in August because he felt fluoxetine was losing its' edge. Couldn't shake off the dizziness with that, so I finally came off it and now it's paroxetine, if I can get the nerve up to take it. I'm also due an interview with the local mental health team next week who may grant me access to CBT, although I've always been somewhat sceptical as to whether that will do any good. It's always sounded a bit like a fancy form of denial but maybe I'm wrong.

Just can't believe it's two whole years since I felt anything like normal.

[PoppyC]

Hi again
I hope the paroxetine helps. Maybe others find it doesnt work for them but for you it may work.
I found CBT did help me because I really was one for negative thinking most of the time. There is nothing to lose by trying it. It may really help you - a lot of people say it really helps and especially combined with taking medication - just look at it as backup.
Have you tried reading any self help books? Claire Weekes and others?
Are you able to keep busy? Do plenty of exercise and go for walks?
Do you have a healthy diet? Not smoke and drink?
I am thinking of trying Reiki and Hypnotherapy at the moment.
Try to look ahead and keep picturing yourself as being much better in the future and aim for that - it won't always be like this - things can change and get much better,no matter if it takes a long time. Have hope as much as you can.

[Mudskipper]

The only book I've read is Anxiety for Dummies, quite reassuring at the time you're reading it but the effect wears off. I try some of the exercises and again, they help for a while but the effect isn't permanent. I had the same experience with hypnotherapy and I'm starting to think the problem is as much to do with my personal circumstances exacerbating an anxious personality as anything else. Maybe I just have to learn to live with it until my circumstances change.
Anyway, enough of me, how's yourself?

[PoppyC]

Have you tried any of Paul Mckennas books and cds? I find them very good and they seem to stay with me more than other books advice.
Do you think you will take the paroxetine?Its worth a try isnt it? They could work for you.
Did the hypnotherapy not help you?
I just wish we could get our heads rebooted like we can with a pc.

[Mudskipper]

I try to stay busy too, at least until the evenings when I crash out on the sofa and try not to annoy the wife too much. I've often wondered about Paul McKenna's CD's, they seem to get a generally good press on here. Anyway, tonight I'm trying the paroxetine. I've delayed picking them up for nearly a week, deliberating all the time, but other medication has worked for me, no reason why these shouldn't.

[PoppyC]

Let us know how you get on with taking them.
I really do rate Paul Mckenna and I have read lots of self help books (inclucing Anxiety for Dummies that you mentioned) and listened to lots of cds, but for me anyway, Paul Mckenna's advice really sticks.
Fingers crossed for you!

[fluffy]

Hi there,
I just wanted to say that I really do know how you are feeling. I hate to think about the number of years that I have "lost" to anxiety. I have always thought that if I can just get over whatever the panic was at the time, then all would be well & I would be able to enjoy life. However, as you say, when one thing is sorted, along comes another one. It's exactly as you say, your mind starts searching around for something else to worry about. I have been on Citalopram for two years, and came off four months ago, and ok so far, but do not feel that it is ever completely cured, and just take one day at a time. Please don't give up hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found it was extremely helpful to know that I was not alone (thought I was for many years), and also that it was the condition which caused the worry, not that it makes it any less real.
take care hun xx