bieng controlled

[trev1234]

i read lots of post here about people with anxiety of allsorts but never come across the situation im about to mention..right here we go..has anyone one on here been totally controlled by there partner or critisised ,belittled so much and constantally moaned at that they find there partner is causing the panics and anxiety,depression etc ?wether it be male or female on the recieving end..i have a massive tolerance to my girlfriend but she is so over powering mentally and controlling that i think shes made me very ill..she is also no support for me..even to the point that ive posted this after she has gone to bed..any advice or help would be much appreciated..

[Desprate Dan]

Trev,

Got the T shirt, matey, have you read my post "Will i ever find true love" ?

I was in a relationship for 6 years and was constantly put down, abused, threatened, made to feel useless and worthless, i became a puppet... Not easy for us men to admit but it does happen to us as well, I think we tolerate it because we probably have a passive nature we dont want to cause upset, discomfort, so we are constantly walking on egg shells trying to avoid a confrontation, inturn our partner may take advantage because we let them do so, the more we do the more they take until you find yourself, down, depressed with no self confidence.. My Partner finished with me many times but as soon as she said she wanted me back, yes i would come running back, thinking this time everything would be fine, but it was for a few days maybe a week or so then it would all go down hill again "But as she said it was my fault" as it always was...mmmm, but it was easier to agree than cet into a full blown argument over something so small "again thats our nature"...

The thing is Trev, they become very good at what they do and they know which strings to pull, i believe it was partly my fault because i let it happen, just like when you were a child you knew how far to go before your mother or father would get cross, they set the guide lines which you must not cross because you will be in trouble, i think our problem is we dont set them guide lines.... My ex just knew how to use me, and when we broke up she would send me texts and say how much Megan (her young daughter missed me so) she said she couldnt sleep at night and kept asking for me, I loved Megan as if she were my own daughter, but i couldnt take anymore from her mother, and i felt so bad about Megan, but i couldnt live my life like that anymore, i often thought of ending my life, i just thought then she would really see the pain that she was putting me through, and maybe feel remorse, would she feel guilty?? but it was just a thought and i am so glad i never went through with it.... I am currently doing a CBT therapy course and i am learning to be more assertive you have the right to say no, you have the right to your opinion, you have the right to express your feelings and much more..

I hope things improve Trev, and i hope i was some help..

You are not alone.

Dan

[alihud]

Hi there Trev,i understand where you're coming from totally having been through 2 abusive relationships and am still being controlled by my ex husband.I have asked for proper help now through womens aid but they also offer help to men as well as there are many who are suffering too.Have a look on the internet there is alot of help for men.I am going to be doing the Freedom course which is free and for men and women who have been abused.Google the freedom course and it will tell you where your nearest course is.Theres also many books you can buy to help you cope and of course there is counselling which is a massive help.Domestic abuse isnt just a womans problem it happens to men too and i think you have been amazingly brave in writing this post,well done you because you've helped me open up a bit too.
Alison

[trev1234]

brilliant..thanks for the replies..Dan you described my relationship virtually identical..thanks very much..