A setback

[graham58]

Hi everyone,

I thought I'd been doing better recently until yesterday I had a setback from which I'm still recovering (slowly).

I went to hospital in a nearby town (Bodmin) yesterday for an appointment with a consultant (gastro-enterology) and on the bus on the way to the town saw a sign for a crematorium. I think this probably doubled my anxiety levels on the spot.

Once I got off the bus I went into a panic attack which lasted most of the day and meant I was obliged to take two taxi rides I hadn't budgeted for and couldn't really afford (total cost £7) to and fro from the centre of town to the hospital. If the worst panic attack I've had was a 10, this one was a 7 or even an 8.

If I learnt anything from yesterday, it's that the key seems to be to stop the attack happening in the first place because once it has done your resources are too dispersed to cope effectively; if I'm any guide, anyway.

Also, don't try to overextend yourself and take on too much. I've had problems with Bodmin in the past (outside the town centre anyway) because of the wide open streets, exposed nature of the landscape and fast-moving and often heavy traffic. I used to be able to cope with it much better than this, however, and hopefully will again.

[Veronica H]

You did what you had to do Graham and that is the main thing. As for trying to keep yourself out of situations which may cause an attack then this avoidance will close your life down for sure. You came through the attack and although they are aweful and frightening they cannot harm you unless you let the fear of them restrict your life. I am not suggesting you go into Bodmin everyday but that you live your life and accept that some days panic will be part of it. Hospital visits put our anxiety levels up and so leave us vulnerable to negative thoughts about death and so on. You did it though. You are a brave man, and the feelings will settle down now.

Veronica

[graham58]

You did what you had to do Graham and that is the main thing. As for trying to keep yourself out of situations which may cause an attack then this avoidance will close your life down for sure. You came through the attack and although they are aweful and frightening they cannot harm you unless you let the fear of them restrict your life. I am not suggesting you go into Bodmin everyday but that you live your life and accept that some days panic will be part of it. Hospital visits put our anxiety levels up and so leave us vulnerable to negative thoughts about death and so on. You did it though. You are a brave man, and the feelings will settle down now.

Veronica

Hi Veronica,

Thanks for your lovely reply, you're absolutely right. The problem was that I only really came through the attack once I was on the bus home and feeling safe again; up until then there were "bits and pieces" of it hanging around.

Maybe there's an answer to that but I haven't found it yet. At home on my own it's easier to cope with panic attacks when they happen because I'm in control of my environment (more or less), so all I've got to deal with is my own mind (hard though that can be, I generally manage it). In a situation such as a strange part of town where I'm having to deal with stressful situations and am not sure what's going to come up next, it's harder to cope when an attack comes on. Maybe that's the next thing I have to learn!

Once again, many thanks for replying. This is such a great forum and all thanks to people like you who are willing to spend time helping other people who are struggling with panic.

[graham58]

Hi again,

Another update; I had another panic attack this morning (near and inside a big branch of Tesco's) but managed to get through it by focusing on my breathing and refusing to run away, so I now know I can cope with an attack in town as well as at home. Walking into town afterwards, which I wasn't sure I'd be able to do considering the state I was in (it's about a 10 minute walk but in very open countryside) turned out to be a doddle.

I haven't felt almost 100% better after an attack like this for a long time, so this is a very promising sign for me. Next year's going to be the year I put all this behind me!

BTW, I finally had my internal examination (a rigid sigmoidoscopy, last month) and got the all-clear.

[suzy-sue]

Well done for getting through the panic Graham ...Pleased that you results were clear ..I hope you continue to make progress in the coming year ahead .Hugs Sue

[pollyanna]

Yes well done graham, its very encouraging to hear stories of tackling things head on and coming out the other side, all the stronger for it,, keep up the good work, you will go from strength to strength.

tc

P x

[graham58]

Thanks to you both. I'm quick enough to say on here when I've had a bad spell so it's only right that I should do so when I've had a good one as well.

You've given me an idea for a new thread too, about courage. Happy New Year!

[PoppyC]

Well Done
I am happy that you got through your attack. Its not always easy and you did well.
I am glad that you got the all clear too.
Happy New Year!

[Typer]

To me everyone on this site, including you Graham, is very brave. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway (borrowed saying) is so brave.

We all feel awful but somehow, we all get through each day - even fight through each day...what a brave lot we are.

[graham58]

Thanks once again, and a Happy New Year to you both (and hugs back Sue).

I'm sorry in advance if this seems negative in the light of what I've just said, but if there was a pill you could take which would guarantee courage I'm sure I'd have this licked a year ago at least. As it is though I win some and lose some; as you see from my first post on this thread I lost that one.

The times I've beaten it have been those when I've taken a "reckless" stance towards it, like yesterday, when I just said on leaving the supermarket; "this next 20 minutes could be the worst of my life but I'm still going to keep walking 'till I get into town." As it happened it was nothing like that.

Sadly I've (so far) struggled to do that consistently. When the fear / panic kicks in it can get so overwhelming so quickly that to defy it can seem impossible, and it's more remarkable really that I do sometimes find the strength to defy it; as Typer says, we're all brave to carry on as we do.