A setback

[graham58]

Today was another difficult day unfortunately, when I went shopping in my nearest city (Plymouth). To start with, I don't like it when I can't see my way out of a place and I struggled with the new(ish) shopping mall at the top of the town.

Later, I managed to eat my veggie cooked breakfast in the market cafe despite having had a panic attack just before entering the cafe (and it was by no means over when the meal was served - I was tempted to run out of the cafe whilst still waiting for the food!), but I had another one whilst waiting at the bus stop to go home and that one was bad enough to persuade me to get a taxi to the next bus stop near the railway station, which is an easier environment for me to cope with, rather than wait about 25 minutes at a main road bus stop with traffic whizzing past at rate of knots.

Even getting the taxi was almost heroic for me as I was feeling so bad at that point that even the decision to cross the road near the market and go to the head of the taxi queue felt like an ordeal. Once the taxi driver had dropped me off I then had to wait about ten minutes at the station bus stop and, whilst it was easier to cope with than the previous stop, that ten minutes seemed like a long time with my anxiety levels still very high.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but that's the way it seems to be; two steps forward, one step back. I doubt it's any better for most people who suffer from PAs.

Thanks for reading this,

Graham .

[graham58]

Another bad day unfortunately; I attempted too much (visiting a cathedral, which I have a problem with because of the large inside space) and got a bad panic attack (is there a good one?) as a result. Still, it's increased my resolve to get some help for this.

[graham58]

Another difficult day although I came through it in the end. I got off the bus in Launceston and almost immediately wished I hadn't as I felt a panic attack coming on. Fortunately I only felt bad for about 20 minutes and I was able to duck in and out of shops there (including a Christian shop in the beginning) until by the end I felt a bit shaky but still a lot better.

The week before, I'd had to go to Derriford Hospital for an MRI scan and felt very bad at the hospital entrance, waiting for a taxi after the scan. I made some progress though once I'd gotten to the railway station afterwards as I was able to get to the platform I needed and then on the train home; before, I'd have had to make sure the station cafe was open so I could have somewhere to sit down.

Baby steps...

[graham58]

Another difficult evening waiting outside Callington Tescos for a bus that didn't turn up (it might even have been cancelled, I don't know), and something in the street light above the bus shelter triggered a panic attack.

(Kept hitting my head on the street sign too, which didn't help, though not too hard.)

I had a bit of luck walking back into town later because the bus shelter was open and I was able to sit and wait for the next bus (which thankfully did turn up), and I got home safely. I was lucky also that there were a nice couple of teenage girls in the bus shelter who were able to reassure me that it was the right bus to catch.

[fishman65]

I'm very sorry to hear this Graham. How are you feeling today? PAs are awful but try to remember your breathing when one hits. That's a lovely part of the world where you're living?

[graham58]

Thanks for replying and asking. Still a bit shaky, but I'm coping.

Callington's a bit sad really because so many shops have closed (it's going to lose its last remaining bank at the end of the month), but there's some lovely scenery thereabouts - Kit Hill and Caradon Hill are close nearby and both offer panoramic views on a good day, as is the Tamar Valley.

I live in Pensilva which is about 6 miles away, and if I go into town to shop it's either in Callington or (more usually) Liskeard, which has kept more of its shops. It's good for me to get out and do things like going shopping and visiting the library, even if things sometimes go wrong.