Hey,
I was just looking for somewhere to write about what's going on with me and Venlafaxine as none of my friends really understand what being on anti depressants means and I don't have any support from my family at home. I'm 21 and living back home with my parents after finishing uni. So I've been having to take them sort of secretly because when my parents found out I was on Fluoxetine in 2005 they got pretty mad and unsupportive about it. Basically they think I'm fine. When really I'm now on my 5th type of meds, been through CBT, Counselling (email/face2face), Psychothrapy etc and been pretty much depressed and suicidal all through A Levels and Uni (Amazingly managing to graduate with a degree in youth work somehow).
Anyway, I was put on Venlafaxine about 2 months ago after coming down off 150mg Amitriptyline. Starting on 37.5mg and now up to 75mg for the last month. I was due to see my doc again a week ago on Friday but had to go to an interview far away so couldnt make it. Earliest appointment was for this Monday coming. I had enough prescription to last me till this Thursday but not through till Monday (which I didnt realise till Wednesday!). I know that when I see the doc on Mon she's probably going to increase the meds again or even try me on something else, because I've had no positive effects at all. In fact have felt more suicidal and down than usual, along with the side effects it's not been fun!
Prescriptions are so crazilly expensive and being an unemployed graduate with no chance of getting my parents to pay for the meds I couldn't afford to go pick up another prescription, pay the £7.20 for a month of pills and have the pretty sure risk that I might not be using them come Monday.
So I took none on Wednesday, one 75mg on Thurs and none on Friday. Seriously didnt realise the side effects would be this bad! Even after reading about everyone else! The thing I've most had that is driving me crazy can only be what people describe as the 'brain zaps'. They come on really sudden and make me shiver all over, which is very very difficult to hide believe me, especially as this evening I got them in the middle of Tesco with my dad! They're totally disorientating and make me just want to close my eyes, curl in a ball and cry (I am really not a crying person so this is very odd for me too!). Have had to decide to take my final 75mg about 20mins ago and the 'zaps' seem to have started to lessen which I guess is a good thing so maybe I'll manage through till Monday 5pm till I can find out what 'all powerful doc' wants to do with me next!
I'm pretty sick of the way they just experiment with meds all the time, never give you even a run down of the side effects or (especially with this one and Amitriptyline) tell you how hard it is to come off them/miss a dose. I've really struggled to connect with counsellors in the past because I find it near impossible to vocalise what's going on, writing is different. But I really think that it'd help this time though no matter what I say to the doc she just ignores it!
I'm also heading off to rural Kenya for a year in Jan so really need to be at least stable on a med or ideally see how I am off them totally for a while as I'm going to find it hard to get hold of them out there.
Basically it's all going a bit haywire and I needed to at least write it down somewhere, even if no one reads or replies. Not having anyone to really talk about this is so difficult, my friends really care and want to do whatever they can to support me but there's only so much I can expect my also only 21yr old mates to deal with or understand.
Thanks to anyone who has read this far, I'm sorry for the ramble!