New here. My story.

[Hopeful23]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here, so I just want to tell you all my story. Sorry if this is long and boring. I'm 23 first of all and it all started about a year ago. Before this started I was a bubbly, energetic outgoing woman. I have always been a worrier but nothing in my life at the time had changed, then one day I was sitting in the car waiting for someone to get home that I was visiting when out of the blue my heart starting racing, my hands got sweaty and my tounge started tingling, I had an overwhelming urge to jump out of the car(which I did) I thought maybe I just needed some fresh air. About 1 minute later my friend got home, but I couldn't shake the feelings and had to leave. I started feeling better on my drive home. That was it, nothing else for a couple months. I never thought about it again until one day I was in my office at work, and again, the same overwhelming feeling to flee, run get somewhere safe.......my heart was beating out of my chest. I sat there and tried to calm down before someone came in and saw me completly freaking out. I started crying when it was over, not know what was going on with me. A gentlemen I worked with came in and saw me upset and asked me what was wrong. By the way I worked in a office full of phychitrist, which he was. I explained to him what happened and he told me it sounded like a panic attack. From then on my life has changed drastically. I immediatly started searching the web for information of panic attacks and when I saw the words "there is NO cure, you will live with this forever" my heart dropped and my life changed. I went to the doctor that same night, he gave me a prescription but I refuse to take it, I don't want to suppress the symptoms I want to rid the Anxiety all together! I moved away shortly after that, only to find the anxiety to become much worse. I got very depressed and just didn't think I could do it anymore. I couldn't find a job, which sometimes felt like a relielf because I didn't know that i could handle working, the what if's came to mind. Life has slowly gotten better, I've learned how to work though the anxiety some. I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride, one day I'm on cloud 9 and the next I've hit rock bottom. I recently went back to work which I think has helped me a lot, I've had to learn how to control my anxiety.......I can't just jump up and run everytime. But it still holds me back more then I have ever thought it could. It's hard to go to friends houses or out to dinner and I'm dreading the holidays because I can't handle the pressure of knowing I'm going to have to be surrounded by people for hours and I can't just leave if I need to everytime I have the feeling of anxiety. I want my life back. I want to be that happy woman again, the strong one! My boyfriend by the way is the best person that could have ever came into my life, we were together before the Anxiety and he has had to deal with the ups and downs, just as much as me, but he's always there and understanding even though he doesn't know what it feels like. But I try to break up with him because I feel like I'm going to ruin his life........I once wanted children and still do BUT I don't at the same time because I don't want to tell them, sorry, but Mommy can't take you to the park today because she's having anxiety attacks. I want to give my boyfriend and my future children a great life and I just don't know that I can do that anymore if I continue to go down this road. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.......lol like I said Long and Boring. Good Luck to Everyone!
Hopeful

[MOJO]

Hi Hopeful!
Welcome to NPM. It's a really good place to get help and advice and chat with people who are suffering the same things and understand exactly what it's like to have anxiety/panic etc.
You are doing really well in being able to work, a lot of people can't even get out of the house, so be proud of yourself for that. Do you get any help from a counsellor or any kind of therapy? CBT is really good and from reading your story I think it would be very helpful for you. I know how you feel about not taking meds. as I am the same and trying to deal with my anxiety without them.
I have read stories on here from a lot of people who HAVE recovered frrom their problems so don't believe what you read about never getting over it.
With the right help I'm sure you will get better and have the family you would like.
It's really good that you have such a supportive boyfriend. You shouldn't try to break up with him, he has been with you through all this and still is so he obviously loves you very much.
Try and seek out the help you need. Remeber you CAN get better,
Take care.

Judy.xx

[gtrgrl3369]

Your story wasnt boring it could have been written by any one of us. That doctor was so wrong. I have recovered and am I consider myself "cured". I am one of the lucky ones. I suffered from panic which felt like it was an all day affair. Please dont dump your boyfriend he sounds like a great support system and we all need them. I also didnt take meds because of my OCD, but I got better and so can you. It is a long road and there are days when you will feel like you have beaten this and then there are others where you feel like it is all crashing down again, but after a while the good ones will beat out the rough ones. I am a firm believer that anyone who has gone through this or is going through it is a very strong person. It takes a lot to go through this daily and yet we keep on fighting. You can do it too, one day at a time.

[dante]

i believe that the cure is within us all, just that some people find it easier to find than others, but remember there is no cure from the medical point of view, u cant get a pill and it will stop, so the doc is right but that doesnt mean u cant be cured. it just takes time, i am like u i work through it have some days when i seems unbareable, i take ADs because i have ocd thoughts and when they at there worst i feel really down, but i have tried diffrent things been to see a psychologist who just explained that they are only thoughts, then i read claire weekes and came to understand that we have to just accept the condition and work through it, and in our minds realise that we will be cured, we will get over it, the more confidently we realise that the quicker we will get better, but it takes time, the biggest mistake i made was looking for a cure, the cure will come with time as our memory of it fades.but it helps to have someone by your side who understands.

[Hopeful23]

Thank you EVERYONE who wrote back to my story................I wish I could put into words just how much it helped. I was having one of those days and all of your words helped bring me back up! I just needed to be reminded that i have to fight for my life and keep telling myself it's MY life! Thank you again soooooooo much!