meal at mother in laws to day :(

in sight into mother in law:

when i fell pregnant she called me and sam(partner) stupid how ever she adores my daughter now.. while i was pregnant she get badgering on about how i should breastfeed.. it wasnt my kinda thing but i said i would try.. daughter was born 4thdecember and i managed to feed her myself and loved every second.. the closeness and the idea that she knew i was mummy who could help her with everythign she wanted..
my daughter soon got diagnosed with an acid reflux causing her to be sick alot which to her response was my fault saying it was my milk making her sick.. being a first time mum it really upset me :( i ignored her comments and carried on.she then kept commenting saying she dont want boobie give her a bottle! which i once again ignored.. then the bombshell hit!
my daughter gt rushed to hospital as they thought she had menegitus..seeing my 4 week old baby with drips in her hands and she had a lumba puncture :( it broke my heart and she kept sayin it was ,my milk..
i remember sitting on the floor. heart broken thinking " ive killed my own daughter! im her mummy im suppose to protect her.." results came back and it was just a virus however since that day i have been suffering panic attacks and very high anxiety that someone or thing is gonna hurt her.. i dont deserve her! she is soo gorgeous and so well behaved my lil angel
i put her on a bottle and the witch said no she dont want bottle crap.. which i flipped "what hell do u want me to do?? she is my baby i shall give her what i like!" she has kept her nose out since but always makes litle digs..

so as u can imagin being in her company today with rest of his family is gonna be hell for me especially when i have a fear of eating in front of people.. didnt sleep at all last night cus i know today is the day i have to sit at the table and eat with others.. please tell me im not alone on this and others feel the same.. im 20 and i feel as if my whole life is surrounded round panic atacks and worry.. i cant leave house on my own cus im scared someone will take her.. my parents and very suportive and help me alot but i dont want to rely on them.. im an adult with my own daughter..:( i live with the curtains closed cus scared people can see her playing and plan to take her..:(

summers mum x