pregnant and very scared..pls send some love my way

[peach]

BLOOD TEST FRI!!!! THATS A DAY AWAY!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PUGLETMUM]

hi peach, what a fantastic post from carys you feel the way you feel peach, dont beat yourself up, or think about what other ppl think? - you prob going down this road of thought becasue anx is sky high at mo regarding the blood test tomorrow? you will be fine after it? you may well have lots more anticipatory anx before its done, but i know you will be able to get through it for your baby peach - youve come this far, and dealt with a horrific ingrained, habitual fear, nobody carrying around a fear is ever truly happy i dont think? and you are having to be doubly brave as you try to deal with your phobia (which i know is utterly traumatic at its worst and only anybody who has ever been in the grip of irrational fear can understand) and your precious and much much longed for pregnancy - hold on, you are doing so well and have come so far - notice these thoughts for what they are - rubbish!!!!! you are brave, lovely, nice, interesting and interested, kind, caring lady and you will make a great mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxjust want to say like any person whether suffering from phobias or not ofcourse we are capable of being happy, same as all ppl - but personally for me until it is dealt with it usually keeps rearing its ugly head? i didnt mean we couldnt be happy, just that an unconqeured phobia keeps coming back - which is why i 100% agree with carys - once you have the blood test/ anyother test/ baby - you will be recovered and you will be one of the bravest women on the planet - if i had one id take my hat off to you and carysxxxxxxx

[Carys]

if i had one id take my hat off to you and carysxxxxxxx

Thanks so much Emma, what a sweet thing to say. I'm just a person who got lucky and found my way out of the hell-like situation I was in.

[peach]

carys,

you totally get me. i feel exactly the same as you described for yourself those years ago....without this website, all your support and my mum stepping up as she has in the last month, i honestly couldnt say what i may have done....all the worst was thought of.....
so its 4:30am here, im awake as can be and well aware of what im going to try to achieve in 12 hrs from now...even my arm is hurting...im going mad with trying to rationalise the 1 min tiny sharp pain against my other thoughts.....and i cant believe how the (beep) im going to get through birth if this is how i am now...with a blood test....what have i done? what did i think i was able to do?/face?

emmas, great to hear from you, your always so lovely and your support is invaluble! i totally agree with the conquered phobia thing, but brave is the last thing i am. im happy to avoid my fears if i can...and yes, i agree even tho having the fear with you is not really a life...its still one id rather to facing my fears...but here i am, after spending the last 4 years terribly torn between facing fear or never getting to be a mum, and part of it is not just for me, its for hubby, his mum, my mum, his dad and my dad...so it became not just about missing something for just me anymore.....almost like a wifes duty to her family...i felt tremendous pressure to make this happen. everyone else in our families gets to enjoy this pregnancy except me..im finding it still so hard....

winging aside, carys, yes, ive started feeling 'quickening'? for a few days i wasnt sure if it was just food fighting my guts (IBS) lol, but in the last days, i realised my food cant actually poke my gut out from within lolololol.....
i call it alien gut for now..... its faint, but getting more and more...oh god,.....im trying to be lamely funny, but finding it very hard when so close to this stupid test!

needles are an irrational fear eh?! they are just a prick and only last a min...my mum offered to bring a valium, but of course i also have to have a new fear of meds now dont i.....cant handle being out of it. mum wants me to take it....even half and i think id be off my face...ewww...shes got the cream...has anyone used that? does it actually work? she says the chemist swears it does...sorry to keep harping on here, you can see the way my mind works now cant you......obsessively lol.....ive barely slept these last two nights, and i have to drive an hour in the morning to go to the hospital with mum for a check in....then frantically drive an hr back here and wait....for this nurse to show up.....hubby has told me if i cant handle it, then thats ok, and not to worry what others think, but this isnt something i can avoid...and mum will be &*(*&&&$$##
im thinking also, the lady will do that awful prep...urghhh! then put that horrible thing around my arm for pressure..urgh!!!! im thinking ill get her to stop and wait till i am ready, so she can then just put the needle in...urghhh!!!! again! once its in, im hoping, like last year...ill be fine....ill just want her to get it out asap.....i googled help with needle phobia...why is google always unhelpful????? there was this forum, where a women said she went into anaphilactic shock ....that bad!!!! i hope this doesnt happen to me, it would hurt baby surely!!????
i should try to sleep again, i have to be up in 3 hrs....to drive...in this state...how stupidly dangerous of me....

[peach]

emma, what you said about the tipping the hat thing, was really lovely! carys is the amazing woman, as like you, she has faced this fear and conquered it with both hands...me, im trying to get through this,and winging and fighting it the whole way lolol....

i just cant get over how many truely beautiful women are on here, in the one place....

[starlight78]

Hi Peach,
Just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow.. I absolutley hate injections and blood tests to, but I have to admit that I absolutely didn't feel the last one AT ALL.. I know that wont make you worry less, but at its absolute worse it will last less than 20 seconds probably and it's another step to sucess..

I've so enjoyed your post, you sound like such a lovely brave woman and i'm sure you are inspiring others with similar phobias..
Sending you lots of happiness xx

[Carys]

carys is the amazing woman, as like you, she has faced this fear and conquered it with both hands...

Really I am nothing amazing ! The thing is, I had no choice, and you have no choice, you have to get through it. Internally you may be screaming, but you will get to the end of the pregnancy and you will have the baby by C/S or naturally. It will come to an end and you will come out the other side a Mummy, all this will just become a memory. I conquered nothing in the way that you think, with some immense fanfare flourish; I emotionally crawled through it with tears and panic, BUT, afterwards there was that silver lining, as I'd learnt about myself and my abilities to cope and came through a truly more rounded person. I was scared of being pregnant for years after being married, and once I found out I was, I was absolutely terrified just like you.

Anaphalactic shock from a blood test ??? NO way !!!! Nothing is being put into your blood stream, just a very tiny amount is being taken out.

As for your fear of meds - that raised a wry smile from me. I haven't taken a paracetamol in a decade for this reason. I lived with a dreadful month long bladder and kidney infection because I was too afraid to be prescribed anti-biotics.....and so the list goes on.....I don't have a fear of blood tests, but I do of injections, any injection at all. I don't mind the pain from it, not the idea of needles piercing skin, it is something being 'put into me' that fills me with dread with both medication and injections.

Peach, look away whilst they get ready for the test, don't even watch the nurse getting things ready. Concentrate on your breathing through the whole experience, slow and steady. Blood tests are incredibly quick to do. I know this is easy for me to say, as I don't have the phobia...but you are gonna be so proud of yourself after it is done !!!!!

Please update and let us know how you got on.......will be thinking of you. You aren't alone, we did it, and you will do it trust me.

[Carys]

i realised my food cant actually poke my gut out from within lolololol.....

Nicely figured out ! Carry on being lamely funny, I find humour is THE best way to get through most things.

[peach]

I DID IT!!!

WOOOOTTTTT!
go me go! hahaha.
ok, so i cried like a baby, but who cares, i got through it, and that cream is amazing!!! i didnt feel the needle AT ALL!!!!! im gonna ask if i can bathe in that cream before the birth lololol

it was funny, i kept saying, not yet, im not ready, and the nurse and my mum were both like, ok, we will wait till you say, then after a min, i stopped crying and said, its in isnt it...and they both started laughing, and said all the blood had been pulled and could i hold the cotton bud hahahaha!!

cheeky monkeys!!!!!

tho, it was a FULL on day all in all. i went to the hospital again and had an hour long talk with the midwife. she wanted to know my entire history!!! i told her, but it was confronting having to relive a bad childhood and other bad things that happened to me in the past....but i got through it.

all in all, im feeling pretty darn happy with myself at the moment. i know there is more to come, oh so more, but im gonna have a week off doctors next week....

carys, i totally agree with you about injections... i hate stuff being put in my body that are meds...its a bit sinister....this is why i skipped the swine flu shot. mum said i was right too, she know another pregga lady who had it and had been sick as a dog in bed for 6 weeks now...with no end in sight

ps:i still think your amazing for getting through your pregnancy. doesnt matter how you got through, its that you did that makes you strong.
seems im gonna be kicking and screaming the whole way

[peach]

thanks for your support starlight!

im sure all the good vibes sent from this forum helped me get through today
thanks for your kind words, im definatly not brave but its a personality trait that appeals to me, so im trying it on for size