pregnant and very scared..pls send some love my way

[peach]

at whits end....

had the ultrasound today, was ok. babys got a heart beat. tho im 8 weeks not 9 like i though, which is a little depressing as im gonna be pregnant for a longer time now....

whats iced my cake is i got a sms on sat night, my dads had a heart attack, a major one. hes ok, but not great. hes also interstate on his own, its a 10 hr drive from me.

he refuses to come live here with us and he reckons hes just gonna work his guts out till january for money. his doc called me worried about him.....
so am i.....

i feel sick with anxiety at the moment and so sad that i cant feel happy for my baby. i was so upset today that i wouldnt even look at the ultrasound screen. my hubby said the buba is looking like a jelly bean with a heart...lol.

when it rains, it pours eh?

im gonna try to rest now, and of course keep hanging in there. i have to go back to see the *&#%$ doc on thurs to discuss the ultrasound and he wants my blood test results from last yr to see if i need to have another blood test for pregnancy stuff....so much more stress still to come i have no idea how i will cope, or survive for that matter......

whats worse, is the nurse today asked why i was upset, i just said im facing my biggest fear in life with the whole pregnancy thing, and she just tapped me on the knee with big eyes and said- thats totally fair enough- as in, it is incredibly scary thing to go through.....DIDNT HELP LADY!!!! lol.....

argh..im off to curl into a ball and cry in a corner now for a bit and rock back n forth lol.......but true...but lol...lolol.....

[Mya]

Peach,

I am so so very sorry to hear about your dad. I am keeping you in my prayers. Yes, you are right, when it rains it pours. It seems everything happens at once.

I know this is hard to do but try and stay positive and calm. Your dad must be so worried about you too and must feel worse knowing how much you are worrying about him.

I am kinda in a similar situation in that my dad was in a really bad accident last year. He fell off a ladder, broke literally every bone in his body and was in Critical Care Unit for over a month. A year later and he still isn't normal and has a lot of lung issues now because he broke all his ribs and punctured his lung. I know it could be worse in that he is not paralyzed or dead, but he suffers everyday. Each day I worry about him and the stress of trying to face my biggest fear like you - pregnancy makes things worse. I really want to give my father a grandchild before something happens to him. I am an only child so I feel all pressure on me. It is a terrible situation.

I am not trying to use this to talk about me though - I just don't want you to feel alone and realize that although something very negative is happening with your dad, a positive is happening with your new baby. I know how scared you are but you are holding on strong. I know everything will work out in the end.

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

[peach]

hi mya,

im so sorry to hear about your dad. it is really tough when a parent goes downhill health wise. i hope he keeps improving and it sounds like you have a really loving close relationship with him, which is amazing!

im doing ok. i keep hearing horror stories about pregnancy and birth which of course are making things very hard for me. i am getting through by knowing that even if something goes wrong, i wont die. my friend miscarried last year ( she was as bad as us) and she has gone on to have a baby this year. it wasnt easy for her, she was pretty unhealthy so she had issues throughout the pregnancy and birth, but as she said, she got through it, and would consider it again. her baby is the cutest thing youve ever seen! i wonder if youve been unlucky to hear the worst stories being so close to the medical industry? my other friend (another tocophobic) had her first baby this year also. 3 hr labour, shes our age and shes a tiny tiny woman.

i know a lot of women who are mums, and none of them had bad stories, not really bad anyway. all the worst ones, to be honest, ive read on here. i really hope that if you decide not to have a baby, its not out of fear. it would be for other reasons, and i read you said genes- this one i get! this put me off for ages.....i just hope our baby will get my hubbys side more then mine..lol...

ive been watching a tv series about young mums, granted im not young, but its been really interesting to watch these women go through their pregnancys and then have the baby and just seeing all the different experiences...even with complications, all of them, i mean all, say its all worth it. the babys are so so cute and watching the mum and baby bond is very heart felt. my husband cant understand my severe fear. hes keeps saying to me, why do you always assume the worst will happen, when most likely, it wont? hes right, i went into the ultrasound yesterday convinced the baby wouldnt have a heartbeat, because i read this happened to someone once.......when there was a heart beat do you think i was relieved? no, now i worrying about loosing the baby over the next few weeks.....i never stop...im sure if i do make it through the next few weeks, ill find something else to cry about....urgh, such is this mental disorder i guess....when you look at it from someone elses eyes, what we think doesnt make much sense.

sorry, ive been raving on this morning.....lol, guess ive been a bit lonely here at home alone a lot...im hoping ill feel better very soon and be able to get out and have a bit of fun again.omg, my dogs are going nuts, im gonna go bark in their faces and see how they like it....hahahaha!

[peach]

oh, that last bit was a joke, im not really gonna bark in my dogs faces lololol..

from personal experience so far, i just wanted to suggest some coping mechanisms to get through the conception part of pregnancy.....


if you can afford it, quit work. i did this, and am so so thankful im not working. i quit before i fell pregnant. even before we started trying. i excercised and ate well, and went to visit family a lot for lunches. this helped me greatly. the family made me feel supported and the excercise made me trust my body is capable of more then i trust it with.

it took us 4 months of trying to fall, and ive been told this is very fast. my sisterinlaw took 2 years. i have another friend who is now in her 2nd yr of trying without luck. you will find that each month that goes by and your pannicky about whether your pregnant, and find your not. each time this happens you change your thoughts a little, hard to describe, but each time i was sadder and sadder that i wasnt pregnant. even tho i was so fearful that i might be a few days before....weird stuff, but thats how it worked for me.

i tend to be ok in the days, but baaaaad at nights. i recommend sleep where you can. this greatly helps your stress levels and when i cant sleep from fear at night, i watch tv to distract me. also, a friend told me, and i think she is right, each week that goes by, you do become more and more accepting of being pregnant. you begin to think less about yourself and more about your baby.

im going to try hypnotherapy, i hear this has been really great to help with birth. i was also recommended a book yesterday called birth without fear, the lady told me this was fantastic for her with her birth.

lastly, take each day at a time, and try not to think to much.....ill keep posting as i get through this, and feel free to pm me anytime.

i really hope this is helping others in my situation....if so, ill keep posting.

[Mya]

Peach,

Thank you so much for your kind words about my dad. That means so much. I am praying for you and your dad and keep your head strong like you have been.

I think what would be best and at least this is what I would do in your situation, is to block out any negative experiences from people, TV and the internet. Please do not look at any negative subjects regarding the matter on here. I am not going to talk about my negative experiences on here until you have your baby ( and would still not go into much detail in order not to scare others). That is not fair for you. To answer your question, yes I have too much understanding about the subject from my medical family. At this point I could probably deliver my own child unassisted from too much information!

You are doing the right thing by looking at positive stories. I suggest reading Ina May Gaskin. She is the mother of midwives. You will realize this is a very natural event despite how the doctors make it appear. Keep surrounding yourself with beautiful baby pictures too. It will help you to remember why you are going through all this.

I think our posts are really affecting others - even though it seems a bit weird since it is like we are PM'ing one another on a public forum. I think many people that are not members on the site are reading these as well. I think it helps for people to know they are not alone, not crazy and some of us have good reason to have these fears. I think you are the biggest help because you are experiencing it and can let us all know what is happening to you and the situation. I think I maybe can help because I am about to get professional help for it which many people probably do not. It will be interesting to hear how professionals react to me. From both of these sides on the issue, I think if it at least even helps 1 person - it makes it all worth it in the end.

Blessings and Talk to you soon

[peach]

hi everyone,
just a quick one to let you all know im still doing ok. im coming up to 9 weeks now. the sick feeling is just awful at times and im still housebound as im scared ill faint. plus i still dont feel well enough to do much of anything, so sadly the house keeping is falling to the wayside.

i had a severe ibs attack last night. very painful, it was my fault i ate too much chocolate and watermelon...i was asking for it really, but was stil baaad! i remember thinking, if labour pains are worse then this, then i dont think ill be able to cope! i was worried about the baby, but she/he seems to be ok this morning....poor liitle thing...the contractions must have felt awful for the little jellybean..

they say babies are resilient tho, and ours will need to be to help me get through this.
after reading other posts on here about people loosing their babies at the 10/11 week mark, this is weighing on me, im really hoping this doesnt happen, i feel like ive already gone through so much...my doc said each week you get through, chances of loss are less. i guess we will see.

[ladybird64]

Hi Peach

I have been following your story and am glad to hear that things are going well.
Can I try and reassure you about something? Your little "jellybean" ( ) is tucked up safe and sound and will not be affected any physical problems you might be experiencing..promise.
It is really quite unlikely that you would faint but even if it did happen, jellybean would be fine.
Stuff the housework, it can wait until you feel able to cope with it..maybe do just a little bit each day, it will help to keep your mind focused.
You are doing great and should be really proud of yourself, you know you have the support of everyone here.

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Peach I am so glad that your pregnancy is progressing well. If you can beg/ borrow/buy a relaxation cd for pregnancy. If it is hypnosis so much better. If you practice this everyday you will start to feel so much better. I did this every day during my pregnancy which was high risk. My son is now eleven. You will be taught relaxation techniques and visualisation of the baby and pink healthy tissue and the oxygenated blood supply reaching the baby. I hope this helps. It helped me a lot.

[peach]

right after i wrote on here this morn, i went to the bathroom...and...well, there was discolour...sorry for tmi...

so in a massive panic, i called the doc and raced to see him.

he has said this is very normal and not to worry. he said my ultrasound was fine and let me come home.

ive been back home a fwe hours now and the discolour is still there tho hasnt gotten worse. the doc said if im not getting any period like pain then im fine. this is the hard bit. im not getting that type of pain, but, my tummy is sore from last night and im still getting bits of ibs like stabs of pain....but no, im sure its not that contraction like period pain......anyway...gonna take it even easier then i have been and not eat chocolate in the evenings now....cross fingers for me pls people, cause i need it now.....


and thanks so much for all the support, its been quite overwhelming! but very nice...

[NosilaB]

Yes - take it easy and rest! I'm sure doc is right and that there is nothing to worry about, and that it's all perfectly normal.

Maybe like ElizabethJane suggested, why not try some relaxation CD's? That could definitely help? I know it's not the same as pregnancy, but I had one for my fear of flying and it did help.....I also have some general relaxation CD's for when I'm feeling stressed and they do help to calm me down and distract my mind.

Fingers, and everything else crossed for you....take care....