relapse of ocd

[ipanicbadly]

hi everyone, been a while since i last posted but i have been doing so well until recently need some support. I saw a psychiatrist a little while ago who diagnosed me with ocd. He also changed my medication from citalopram to fluoxetine 40mg i have been great on it better than i have ever been but the violent thoughts are back and yesterday i had a thought that felt like i would do it. Just thinking to myself well at least you would not be stressed anymore if you did it. Can anyonne relate or offer some advice? Is this my ocd or should i be worried?

[ipanicbadly]

is anyone able to help at all feeling like pants at the moment :-(

[Maj]

But you didn't do it!! It's the thought of it that makes you feel so bad. You must be a bit stressed just now for the thoughts to be back and they will leave again if you accept that they are only thoughts. You are on fluoxetine but I believe sertraline is very good for ocd. You have to help yourself as well and to accept is the answer.
Myra

[charlotte83]

Its just your OCD trying to get at you another way, thats what it does. Relapses happen, it doesn't mean you aren't getting better, just try not to give the thoughts any time of yours at all and just let them be there.

[dante]

i understand what u mean , i have the thought that if i did it i wouldnt feel the anxiety but it just a trick, if u acted on your thoughts u would get more anxious and where would it end with the thoughts, they would just get worse and worse. i was feeling great and had a relapse, except this time i dont get a conscious thought, i have a raging anxiety and a feeling, the thought must be subconscious because it doesnt pop into my head its like i am worrying on a sub conscious level it very strange.

[ipanicbadly]

oh my god i know what you mean all of a sudden without warning they will just pop into my head and i feel like a horrible person for having these thoughts because i would never want to hurt anyone like that. But when the thought is present you feel like this is real and you will act upon them

[bumbles]

Such a terrible cruel thing OCD, people who really would act on them wouldnt be worried about them they get a kick out of it. I am sorry you feel bad love its a really nasty thing. XXXXX lots of hugs to u

[ipanicbadly]

thanks bumbles having a better day today but its always a relapses that feel really bad because i went almost four months with nothing and it slapped me in the face again out of the blue. For a minute i had forgotten how to deal with it but my confidence came back and i have hopefully slapped it back down again fingers crossed feels so horrible when you are going through it

[ipanicbadly]

hi guys hate to bother you again but its back and not good. Was feeling so much better and looking forward to getting married. Anyway just found out i am pregnant. Really pleased as already have one and it will be lovely to have another one but the thoughts back are really horrible and worried that meds are not working and damaging the baby. I take 40mg of paroxetine a day. Read a book on abusive violent parents who turned violent just before the child turned 4 i am worried this is happening to me. At the moment i am having hateful thoughts about my older child and scared that i actually want to hurt her as the thoughts are so matter of fact and when they happen i don't get panicky until after i am trying not to fight them and let them pass. So scared as my ocd started when my first was born and worried it will start again as much as i am looking forward to this one but what if its not ocd and i end up killing someone i love i just feel like i can't cope with the thought

[Maj]

Hello - there is no way you will carry out your thoughts!! They are THOUGHTS - nothing more. Ocd is like a tormentor, always making you think how evil and twisted can you be!! That's why the thoughts scare you so much, because it is so far removed from the person you really are. I promise you. Also, the fact that you are pregnant and your hormones are up and down maybe a factor in them happening again. You can get over this. Try to accept them for the moment and when you feel calmer then they won't have such an impact on you and won't matter. It's the not mattering that helps you to recover.
Myra