Tocophobia - fear of being pregnant!

[Jasps]

Hi,
Are any of you still there? Freya? I notice some of the posts have been deleted which is a shame.
Carla x

[nomorepanic]

Jasps - there weren't deleted as such. We had to go back to 28th Nov so lost a lot.

Hope you are well?

Nicola

[EmmaJane]

Hi,

I was going to write pretty much the same as Denise84. It is only natural to feel panicky, as having children do change a lot of things in your life and body. When you see the scan and feel it kicking though, you will find that your love for your baby will grow and a lot of your fears will go out of the window. When you see and hold the baby for the first time, you forget all about the panic and fear.

Bye the wayI have 5 of them and I still get broody [8D]



Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.

[fraya]

Hi Carla

Yes Im still about. Hope the holiday went well.

We are house hunting at the moment, so I have enough stress and anxiety without adding babies to the mix. I'm just not thinking about them as I was getting myself worked up with my indecision.

Are you sort of still trying Carla and so you still feel as anxious as before about it all?

Thanks for replying EmmaJane, it does give me hope for the future when I read a reply like yours. I wish I wasn't such a wuss.

Take care

fraya

[Jasps]

Hi everyone,

Glad your still out there. I have some news!! I left that message saying I was going on holiday and it turns out whilst we were away I fell pregnant! I am now 12 weeks!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!

I am due on 1st August 2006 and honestly, I cannot wait! I am really enjoying the start of my new adventure and the reactions of everyone around me have been brilliant so that really helps.

I wanted you to know that since I found out, I haven't had a single panic attack, it is unbelievable. I have had slight waves of worry but that happens to any pregnant woman so I’ve not let them bother me. These waves are so small and nothing compared to my panic before. They would wash over me from nowhere and practically take my feet from under me whereas now it's completely different, it's normal worry.

I kind of knew straight away and I know that sound mad but I did. When my period didn't start I started to hope it wouldn't and then 2 weeks later I plucked up the courage to do a test and asked my husband to read it. When he said it was positive I was absolutely fine if a little wobbly!

I have my first scan next week and I am so excited. I think that now I am pregnant, my phobia of being pregnant has obviously gone and I have nothing to fear now. I read each week what is happening to my baby inside me and it’s amazing, it also makes me feel more aware of what is happening inside of me and less like I have no control.

I really do feel so positive about all of this and of course relived that all my panicky thoughts and worries have not come true. The first few weeks were more worrying than they are now as you have to get used to the fact things are going to change but I took every step slowly and did things as and when I wanted to. My husband is also very understanding and supportive and you must remember that a strong support network of friends and family can work wonders.

Fraya, if I can do it, I’m sure you can too. If deep down when you ask yourself if having a baby is something you want to do in life, then take the plunge and I can guarantee that if you’re like me, the relief to be free of the fear is immense.

A final thing, my husband was told to come up with a girls name he liked as he could only think of a boys name and when he did – he said Fraya!

Carla and Flump!

[EmmaJane]

good luck jasps

Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.

[rabbit25]

First of all I'm so pleased that this topic has been started.

I sometimes worry that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life as I'm single with no boyfriend.
Am scared that no man will even wanna go out with me, as I'm scared of being pregnant - I don't want to have any children.

I do love kids and enjoy having fun with my 2 year old Goddaughter.

I have a disability and was an early Period starter and they're some of the reasons why I don't want to be Pregnant which makes me think that if I ever did have a baby, there could be abnormalities for the baby.

Hope this post isn't too confusing as i've never been good at descibing stuff.

[fraya]

OMG Carla, what amazing news! Congratulations!

I am so glad that you are not feeling panicky now that you are pregnant, and all your fears have not materialised. You sound so positive and I couldn't be more happy for you.

It just goes to show that most anxiety is anticipatory, and when in the actual situation, there is no panic. This has been true of most situations in my life, its the fear of the fear. From what you have said that's your experience as well.

How amazing that your husband likes Fraya as a girls name, of all the names he could have chosen!

Im rushing off to work now but will PM you when I get five minutes if you don't mind.

Big virtual hug

fraya

[Jasps]

Hi Rabbit,

Glad you found us. Have you spoken to anyone about whether your disability would affect your children? You may find there's nothing to worry about or that medicines and examinations are so far advanced these days that all sorts of things can be done to prevent you passing on certain genes to your children. Maybe having a talk with your doctor would help.

EmmaJane, my best friend tells me the same. She has two beautiful boys and although she’s always wanted kids and was very comfortable with the whole pregnancy thing, she too had moments of panic and worry; it’s only natural for anyone who knows there life is going to change so profoundly. It’s always nice to have it confirmed by more people though and you have 5! It can’t be that bad then!

Fraya, I hope it makes you feel more positive and maybe once you’ve chosen your new home and you’re all moved in and your anxieties about the move have disappeared, you can tell yourself again that the fear is anticipatory and once the leap has been taken, it all goes away.

It’s all about controlling your feelings, if you feel it starting; find a method to calm it down. If you’ve found previously that by diverting your attention with the TV, or by cooking or walking the dog or something works, then keep using that method. Tell yourself over and over that you do not want to be ruled by this forever. Imagine going through this every day for the rest of your life and it’s enough incentive to want to make it stop - I know that worked with me. I just thought, can I put up with this for the next 20 years and then the regret for the years after I can’t have children anymore, or do I just bite the bullet and do it? I know I’ll maybe ride a few ripples for a couple of years but then it’ll be gone. What’s a ripple compared to the storms that used to happen before!

I’m so amazed that I am having such long periods between worrying and that my worry’s now are of course what every pregnant woman experiences, that I can’t believe I allowed myself to feel so bad for so long. My baby is 6cm long at the moment and next week I get to see it and it’s great. It’s a new focus and a positive one.

Once the baby is born and a little older, we are going to move house and I know I can handle that now because having almost conquered my biggest fear, nothing else can be so bad.

I’ve just got to find someone to cover my maternity leave now!! Great!

Carla xxxx

[feelah_the_tigress]

Hello people. Now i know whats wrong with me. It's strange though, i don't even want children. Never.... But this seems to be separate from my strange, almost visceral, fear of being pregnant.

It plagues me at odd times. It isn't a continual thing that is keeping me from living my life, but the occasional times are bad enough. especially since i know how irrational i am. Whenever i think about being pregnant it makes me sick. I just cant stand the idea of it, i think sometimes that i might claw out my own stomach if i was pregnant. Its like having an alien or intestinal parasite, it just freaks me out. I am on birth-control pills right now and take them faithfully so i know that my fears are irrational. But i always think, "what if by some strange impossible occurence, i was to get pregnant." I've talked to my boyfriend (whom I love most deeply) and he says that he personally does not like abortions but that he would support my decision either way... I know that i would not hesitate even for a second to have an abortion if needed, thats why i fear that someday it'll be illegal. I couldnt stand it, the though of being pregnant makes me feel powerless and subjugated almost, to the point that I think death would be preferable to carrying a child to term. If i had the money, i would have my tubes tied right now. I am only 18 and i know that doctors don't even like to give tubal ligations to people who are under 30 or childless, but if i had enough money i would bribe a doctor to do it.
These thoughts don't come to me all the time, usually only occasionally, sometimes a couple weeks before my period when i have those "what if my period doesnt come this time" panic attacks, which usually make me cry, not to mention my feelings of rage and "unfairness" which i cant explain. I suppose that thousands of years of female subjugation throughout history cant be helping my thinking. The mentality of "women only exist for childbearing and cleaning the house" outrages me, and this may account for my negative feelings towards pregnancy. I would feel trapped... I know i sound like a feminist, but its true. To some degree today, men still feel like women are inferior to them (thankfully my boyfriend is not among these) so these thoughts persist. People who oppose birth control and abortion want us to be subjugated. As for the chauvinist males out there, your time is coming.

whew, enough craziness for now...[}]

I suppose it doesnt matter that i have tocophobia since i don't want children, except i have the odd feeling that the fear would follow me even if i had my tubes tied, since it is an irrational fear. I know this isn't life-threatening, but i just want to know what you all think.