Tocophobia - fear of being pregnant!

[Jasps]

Hi Tigress,

You are entitled to feel how you want, whether that is wanting or children or not and we also all have our own opinions on abortion etc but each person has the basic human right to do what they feel is right.

Do you think you may ever change your mind about wanting children? How long have you known that you do not want to have them?

I have friends who have made that choice and that's what's right for them.

As for the fear, I know where you're coming from to some degree but deep down I always knew I wanted kids; I just wasn't brave enough to do it until now because of my fears. If you truly do not want children and you are careful with your contraception, you should be fine.

It would be very hard to find anyone to sterilize you at your age, one of my friends is 30 this year, has two kids and has repeatedly asked her doctor to sterilize her but they wont do it as she is too young.

I don’t think abortion will become illegal, you shouldn’t let that worry you on top of your other fears. In this country we have a certain freedom and are given certain choices as to how we wish to live our lives. There will always be people opposing abortion, we will never all agree on the same things, that’s what makes us a democratic society but to make it illegal, would be far too difficult to enforce.

Also, to think of how many men view women as baby making machines is extremely agitating and can make you angry but you need to remember you are not with one of those men. Unfortunately they do still exist but in my own life, I know they are few and far between and that is because I have made the choice to find good people to be around. I am sure you are the same and should ever come across one the ‘other’ types of men, you should just pity them and carry on. Don’t let them make you angry, that is what they want.

I hope you can work it out and not feel so worried by it all.

Carla x

[feelah_the_tigress]

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Do you think you may ever change your mind about wanting children? How long have you known that you do not want to have them?

Ummm, since i was five i think. I don't think i'll change my mind, i don't have the patience for children



It would be very hard to find anyone to sterilize you at your age, one of my friends is 30 this year, has two kids and has repeatedly asked her doctor to sterilize her but they wont do it as she is too young.

Hmm, that annoys me, a person should be intelligent enough to decide when they want to be sterilized. How is thirty too young? If they wait long enough, she'll be in menopause anyway... It just seems strange.



I don’t think abortion will become illegal, you shouldn’t let that worry you on top of your other fears. In this country we have a certain freedom and are given certain choices as to how we wish to live our lives. There will always be people opposing abortion, we will never all agree on the same things, that’s what makes us a democratic society but to make it illegal, would be far too difficult to enforce.

All it would take is the right people in office...
Of course, they weren't able to enforce Prohibition, either...


I've got a question, Can you get pregnant during your period (like near the end) if you're consistently taking birth control pills the 28 days before?
<div align="right">Originally posted by Jasps - 23 January 2006 : 10:04:27</div id="right">
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[Anna]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I'm also scared of getting pregnant. I have a 5-1/2 year olf son, and I just sailed through his pregnancy. I just had this ideal of having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I fell in love with my son as soon as he was born, but after his birth, I quit my job and I didn't realize how demanding a baby is. The first month of his life, I would change his diaper 10 times a day and he had to be fed every 2 to 4 hours. I felt so isolated. Anyway, looking back I miss those times, it is hard work but he is the best thing I ever did in my life, the unconditional love, the bond is amazing.

I'm 38 now and I feel i'm running out of time to have another child. I do suffer from mild depression at times and anxiety attacks. I'm off medication now because I feel safer not taking meds while pregnant.

I also take sleep med (there non addictive) and I'm afraid of giving them up and I will never sleep.

There is a big part of me that wants another baby, my husband wants one, but another part of me asks, can i do this? am I to old, will i feel overwhelmed? I guess any lifechanging event impacts people differently, except with me I get paniced. I'm trying to develop natural ways of dealing with anxiety, like cleaning one room in the house, so I feel I accomplished something, or picking up the phone to talk out my feelings, or writing in a journal, and I keep telling myself this will pass.

I was just about ready to get pregnant a week ago, all I had to do was get rid of my sleep meds and then BAM i get bronchitis, and it usually lasts a few weeks.

I know I'm just babbling, but I'm so glad I found a forum like this because I feel so crazy, i see all the other mother at my son's school and walking around with 3 or 4 kids and I ask myself what's wrong with me.

I think I need to see a counselor to work on my issues because there's a lot more going on in my head i think than just the anxious baby issues.

Anyway, I'm glad Im head and just to get this off my chest is a tremendous relief.

anna

[Jasps]

Hi Anna,

You have to look at the positives that you do have a son already and even though you found it hard it at the time, you still survived and came though. You also need to remember that the majority of first time Mums feel overwhelmed and you are not alone in your feelings. Even the most confident person can feel they aren't up to the job.

You say you felt isolated last time, did you have any friends around you who had children at the same time? If not, maybe this time you could join an aquanatal class or yoga for pregnant women and that way you would make new friends who are going through the same things as you at the same time.

I have friends with kids but nobody who is pregnant now like me. I am joining a class next week to try and meet some other women I can talk to about what I feel right now.

It's good to hear you are finding ways to distract yourself from your worries and to be feeling ready to try again, even if you may need to wait a while longer until you are sure, is a big step forward. I started to feel ready but still had moments of panic so I told myself it was okay to worry and I could give myself a another couple of months to get used to the idea and when we did start trying, even though I was still worrying, I knew once I fell pregnant, I would handle it and I am. Have more faith in yourself and look at the son you already have, he didn't become what he is without your input and you should relish that and be proud of it.

Carla x

[Anna]

Thanks for the reply Jasps and congratulations on the pregnancy. Hopefully I'll be pregnant soon, and I really feel I did a good job on raising my son, not a perfect job but a good job, he's a great kid. And I know when I get pregnant I will feel wonderful, confused, scared, fat etc.

You'll make a great mom and I'll keep reading and posting, it's so important to talk about this, fear drives my anxiety about panic, but just imagine if I could turn it around and replaced that fear with faith. I think the faith would work better for me.

[wxrthltl]

Congratulations Jasp!!

lynne

[EC]

Tigress,

I was so glad to read your post that it made me join the forum. I'm about your age and I feel just like you do. I have been scared of the idea of being pregnant since I started my period in 7th grade. It is totally irrational since I never even had a serious boyfriend until my junior year of high school. Yet every time my period was at all late I would panic. Its totally insane, since you can't be pregnant if you've never had sex, but I'd still panic. I still panic. My boyfriend and I are both saving sex for marraige and there is no way I could get pregnant, and yet whenever my period is late (I'm one of those people who has a perpetually irregular cycle) I start thinking crazy thoughts just like you described. I totally identify with your defensiveness towards people who view women as baby machines. Even when my best friends are joking about women being "baby makers" I get panicky and defensive, even while I'm realizing how irrational I'm being. Sometimes I feel like it would be better to just have my uterus taken out completely, so I can stop worrying and stop having crampy periods too. But, like you said, I don't know if that would solve anything since this fear is so completely unfounded.

What causes such crazy, irrational fears?

[feelah_the_tigress]

Hey EC,

Glad i'm not completely alone. I don't really know what causes such thoughts as ours... But since im going into Psychology maybe someday i'll find out.... I'm not sure it's entirely a bad thing, it'll definately keep me from having kids.
I tell you, I'm annoyed at doctors cause they won't tie tubes until your old or don't have kids. Which defeats the point. I know they're reluctant because women change their minds later... and to them, I'd like to say, MAKE UP YOUR MINDS and quit ruining it for the rest of us.
I heard that their trying to pass a law in Alabama so that a pharmacist can deny anyone contraception if it violates their morals. All i've got to say is 1.) It worries me because i live here 2.) I worry about the utter stupidy of the people in this place. You understand why i rage about the powers beyond my control. I do believe i have a right to dominion over my own body, If nothing else.

[Seven]

Hi everyone,

It was interesting to read all these messages..... I thought I was the only one fearing the whole pregnancy thing ....

Tocophobia... now there's a term new to my vocabulary....

In your searches, has anyone found any interesting sites or books on the subject?

[kielys]

Hi Everyone

I am also glad that when I read your stories (Fraya,Jasps, etc.,) that I am not the only one in the world feeling these awful feelings.

In some ways I suppose I am lucky in that I have a 4 Year old child but in other ways the longing for a second child can be as hard.

I always had a fear of pregnancy but did not completely realise how bad this fear was until I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with my first. As like some of you when I saw that positive test I completly panicked and could not see how I could get through the next 9 hours not to mind the next 9 months. I had terrible morning sickness for the first 6 months but I know looking back that my being in a complete panic did not help this.

When I was about 6 months pregnant I could see the end of the road and I did begin to enjoy the pregnancy but I must say that it was a hugh relief to have it all over. I had a baby girl and it was the fantastic experience of seeing her for the first time and I would not change things for the world.

I long for another baby if I only I could skip the 9 months that would be great. The thing I dread most is the fear at the beginning of the pregnancy and whether I could go through it again. I recently thought I was ready but when I did think I was pregnant I started to have awful panic attacks, loss of concentration and a sickly feeling in my stomach and it was not until my period arrived that these stopped. But like others someways I am saddened that I am finding it hard to deal with this fear. What I have started to do is to go to a counsellor which I am finding extremely helpful and he is teaching me ways of dealing with my panic so I can stop 'fearing the fear'.

I was deligted to hear Carla's news and the words 'leaving the fear behind' were inspirational and hopfully I can do this some day.

In the meantime, Fraya and Jasps hopefully you are still there and I would love to know how you are getting on??