I haveing a bad start to my very busy day after a busy day yesterday this alway's happen thats why i hate being busy. Yesterday i had to get ready go out be at the kids school for a hour or so and tape them while thay were having there PE fun day and then i had to go to crache and we had lot's of kids fue staff that was good i had lot's of fun with kids and baby abd fue adult's. Then I had to go back th school and tape my my son doing him PE fun day stuff. I was have a fue anxiety issues while at the school as I'm not good with too many adult's. I managed to get threw with out med's but I limited my contack with people and towards the end of the day i was laying on a bench staring into a tree thinking and blocking the world around me out so that I could stay calm and focus on what I need to to when I needed. Later that night I was far to on edge to deal with my kids's so I took half a benzo that my dr prescibe for me and i got threw the night calm and enjoyed the comapany of my kids heap's. I get a clostraphobic feeling when I'm on edge when thay sit to close to me or talk to much to me and after the med I was fine my body was calm and i could get on with life thay i wanted and need to. This morning i wokd up good but after a while i started to think about OCD again and then I started to feel out of control and ignored and invisable. i was in chat room and I know I shouldn't be center of attenstion and I hate it as well but i felt this horrible feeling of being ignored that i could push away and the derealisim set in and the numbness and tunnel vision a little bit as well. I after trying to talk about with people I had to leave as the feeling was not going to go away if i stayed. I shut the screan down felt a intence feeling of fear and dread that i did and may have made people not like me. Then I went to partner for a hug and talked to about how i was feeling. The hug and the talk helped me heap's but i still left with a feeling of anoyance and frustration about my feeling's and frustration and I have busy day ahead of me and I need to do it and i dont have time for my thought to get in the way of what i need to do. I am snappy and it proberly in part due to the wrong time of the month lol but it's also the busy factor feeling like I have too much to do and not enough time when I really know at the end of the like all other that i proberly have a feeling of what was I thinking about everything fit together perfectly and i waa stressing over nothing ect. I just alway freak out that something will jump up say ME ME ME do ME I have to be done NOW my head has a bad habbit of making me feel this way. When new unplaned thing's enter my focus I get a intence feeling of frustration that make me snap and tell people to back off I'm thinking hold on wait a min ect. Right now I when ever my kids come near me I feel like the feeling go's start going in to over drive and I have to ask them to leave me alone and if thay dont go I snap and I hate that snap and I hate the feeling thay are my kids thay dont me like this thay didn;t ask me have them ansd I know it not them that is making me feel this way is my head and I want to bang my head till it goes away and leave me alone. It driveing me insane i feel like i dont want anything touching me or talking to me because I cant control my self and might snap real bad due to the way I feel right now. its like my sence's are trying to start the screaming again but it's not as extream and in the past it's prety mild but it there bugging me still. Like asomeone ticking you with a feather while your trying to focus of something important. I hate this feeling I like that it is no where near as intence as it normal is but I hate the feeling. I love my kids and my partner but this feeling really effect my relationship with them when It kicks in at least i'm not halled up in my room banging or trying not to bang my head or feeling like i need to run and hide or keep moving but i still feel like it has hold of me and not me having hold of it. I still feel anoyed that my head dose this to and mak
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