"snap out of it", "pull yourself together" ...

[sedalia]

I know it's a selfish thing to say, and really I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but sometimes I can't help wishing that everyone experienced panic/anxiety (esp when it leads to agoraphobia) at least once in their lives, then they would understand. I know it's not their fault, but as so many people on here have said, unless it's a physical injury people can see, they won't understand. There is still a large stigma attatched to this and many people do still believe it's a sign of weakness. Do they really think we would choose to be like this? And the hardest thing is, most of us know how to recover i.e change our way of thinking, keep facing our fears until they no longer scare us etc, but putting it into practise is harder than anyone can imagine. They think you can just say "right I'm not going to be scared anymore" and you are cured overnight. There is nothing worse than to be told you are getting worse, not better, when you are constantly battling your fears and keeping going, no matter how much it wears you down. I have to keep reminding myself, we are not the weak people - it's easy for them to do things without a second thought, as we all used to be able to, as it doesn't scare them. We are the strong people by constantly putting ourselves in situations which we know will scare us, that is true bravery.

[leeg]

its not selfish i wish it all the time i say to my husband if just for one day u could feel the way i do you would understand! his answer??......i wouldnt want to!!! i have suffered anx pa agrophobia for 24 YEARS so my answer to anyone who tells me to pull myself together or snap out of it or get a grip is this.......if it was that easy dont you think i would of done it if it was so easy i would not have given it 24 minutes of my life never mind 24 YEARS ! x

[MOJO]

I also wish that some people could feel the way I do just for a day. It's not because I want them to suffer, it's just so that they can REALLY understand how I feel every day of my life. We are really strong people to be able to carry on as we do, facing our fears and the terrible bodily symtoms we suffer on a daily basis. Sometimes an hour seems like a week. I often wonder how I will get through another day.
My hubbie has told me a few times that I'm fighting a losing battle, not making any progress and really need to get on top of it all. (sometimes just when I actually am starting to feel a bit better, so that really knocks my confidence again). I feel like saying "Oh yes dear you're right. I'll stop messing about now and enjoying feeling like crap every day and just get back to normal!" Why do people seem to think we enjoy feeling like this and aren't making enough effort to get better? It really annoys me.
Oh well, rant over!
Judy.xxx

[Downsinthenorth]

Hi Judy

Yes, it's really hurtful when people, especially those close to us, say these bloody unhelpful things. Who would honestly want to feel so frightened every day of their lives? I think you have to go through it yourself to really understand.

On the positive side though, I find my problems HAVE made me better able to empathise with other people with difficulties.

[sammy1986]

hi

iv been having attacks for nearly 2 years and iv bottled it up 4 that long that i broke down and couldnt handle it anymore i got told 2 snap out of it an pull myself 2gether because i have 2 kids 2 look after but its hard and certainly dose not help. talk 2 ppl u can trust and come on here im just new 2 the site but already the info is really helping put my mind at ease

sam

[Jamesk]

I feel like saying "Oh yes dear you're right. I'll stop messing about now and enjoying feeling like crap every day and just get back to normal!" Why do people seem to think we enjoy feeling like this and aren't making enough effort to get better? It really annoys me.
Oh well, rant over!
Judy.xxx

If only it were that easy we would all "pull ourselves together" like a shot wouldn't we, because feeling like this is SUCH fun.

[Mindful]

My ex used to say this to me until one day he had sudden pains in his chest and had to go to A&E, wired up to a monitor and all that jazz, he was obviously frightened and his adreneline kicks in , his heart was beating like crazy, his hands and legs was shaking uncontrollably, his mouth was dry, breathing was fast and deep ect... turns out he had strained his muscles in his chest working on a car the day before and there was nothing untoward going on ( thank god! ) anyway he said to me '' This is how you feel when you go shopping of collect the kids from school or whatever, how do you do it?'' He never again told me to snap out of it, he said how on earth did i manage to carry on with those intense feelings day after day... i said, because i have to.

I really think to understand panic-anxiety-depressing you really have to live it, or at least taste it.

[Conorm]

my dad was like that, one time i was half way through a panic attack and he said you havent got any major problems so just stop it -- only you can help yourself, i feel so alone, i have derealization btw and even while i write this right now, i feel dreadfully derealized and headaches faceaches face hotflush, my dads a bit better now but just sick of it, but if i could just snap out of it I WOULD !:(

[quickman]

During my first 'phase' of PAs etc - I got sent home from work. Imagine, ladies and gents, that your parent cares more about "losing your job" than if you, yourself are okay?

Since then I've had to fight this crap with my bare hands alone.

[Magic]

To Iliketrains,
Terrible, I am so glad I am not such a person I was told to snap out of it by a person who now is in a bad place. I reminded them of what was said to me, there was silence.
Take care everyone