"snap out of it", "pull yourself together" ...

[wavey]

I can remember my Dad not having a clue what was wrong with me when I first started having panic attacks. He'd just say something like - "don't worry about it" (if only I'd thought of that!!).

I feel that some people will never understand what a panic attack means even if they took the time to read about it.

If you've ever known anyone go through a life threatening event, be it a heart attack or an accident for example, you may have noticed a change. They often become a lot more sympathetic to other people's problems and are able to empathise more. This, I feel is down to the fact they have been through the same extreme emotions as someone having a panic attack - the fear that they are going to die.

To me at least, it takes an experience like this to make people re-evaluate there lives and their beliefs on subjects such as anxiety etc.

take care,
Davey

[angieb]

Hi Lotus - my family have all been really sympathtic but two weeks ago my mum was driving at night with a car full of people when a deer jumped out in front of her car. Thankfully (and god knows how) she managed to swerve, miss the deer and stay on the road but she said for the first time ever she truly understood what I went through with a PA as she said her heart was bouncing around her body, throat tight, palms sweating, fast breathing racing pulse etc all the way home and for about two hours afterwards.

She kept apologising to me for days afterwards - it may be a mental illness but the physical symptoms are very real and until you experience them you never really know.

Take care and get your comfort here.

[Sue K with 5]

I would print off some of the information you can find on various help sites including this one and hand it to the next person who says that to you !


I would tell them to read it, digest and then come back and repeat it !


Might find they tell a differant story!


Dont take any notice ! If it were that easy we would not be on here posting on this forum or on this thread!



Take care


Sue with 5

scknight

[pips]

Hi Lotus,

Sorry about your Dad not understanding.

I to have had this said a few times to me and it is horrid. People don't realise it's not as easy as that.

It's like when you go to the Dr's if it's something they can see they have all the sympathy for you. but when it's inside your mind it's a different matter and some can be quite unsympathetic.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X X

[Sal x]

Hi Lotus,

I get this all the time from my mum and sister.......Its not becasue they don't care, its just simple.....they don't understand.

I get comments like "well I know someone that is going through a divorce so unlike you (me), they have a reason to be down and depressed" from my mum...

This used to upset me but I know she cares but doesn't always say the right things.

As long as you have this website with people who ARE and HAVE been through the same things....you'll be fine.

Take care
Sal x [:X]

[looby]

Hi Lotus,

I was told this when I was 17 when I had my first bout of depression. I had my first panic attack just after having a huge row with my dad.
I went to a party and couldn't cope with it and my older sister was there. I said I had to go and she wasn't happy with leaving to walk me to get a taxi, so she just turned round and said those delightful words!!! "Just snap out of it! You're dragging everyone down with you! You are so selfish and pathetic!"
I felt awful when she said that and cried non stop for 3 days.
She told me everyone was fed up of putting up with my moods and sob stories! That was the last straw and my mum, who had also suffered from anxiety and depression found me a counsellor, which my dad wasn't very happy about and said to talk to him and give him the money I would give for my therapy! He couldn't understand!
It ended up I got better through my counselling and my Mum tried to get my dad to understand.

Then my sister (the one who said those nice things to me!) started suffering with anxiety, I stood by her and gave her all my support and helped her get out of it.

Now after 5 years of being "fine" I had a break down 3 years ago and it seems everyone is a lot more sympathetic.

Unfortunately there is a lot of ignorant people still around me who don't get it, and being honest I am one of them!

I still haven't forgiven my sister for saying those things to me and I can never forget that 1st panic attack, but I felt a much stronger person after those things were said to me, it took a while but I got there. And so will you!

Take care,
Looby
xxx

[peoplelikeus]

actually someone from this site told me in the chat room that it was all in my head!!! lol

It may well be but what a stupid thing to say!

[louwilliams]

I have had this from every single person in my life, and still do. my partner being the worse for it. i understand how difficult and fraustrating this illness is for our loved ones and family member to have to live with someone going throught this. is is so disruptive and invasive into evryones lives. but recently, after 2 years old being told to "pull myself together, snap out of it, stop being lazy and using this as n excuse", i told my boyfriend that i was never going to get better while i was with him and he either tried to understand it and help or we were over. simple as that. lo and behold, he has agreed to come to CBT with me and at least give it a try.

i knew that everytime he said something derisive or negative about my illness, it was only making it worse and realised that i had to do something about it. never the less, this time he has actually listened, i also read out some passages from claire weekes books, to try to impress upon him that its not just me and something ive made up. that this is real.

anyway, good luck and try to get as much information as you can and try to get across, as subtley as you can, the impact that this has on your life, and not only theirs

take care and good luck hun xxxxxxxxxx

[Phill2]

I'm very lucky that my GP is a sufferer and understands perfectly.
Phill

[ben29]

I think this 'snap out of it, pull yourself together' thing is something relatives and friends say when they mean well but just don't understand. Unfortunately all invisible illnesses get this reaction from time to time.

My girlfriend's mum has a friend who lost an arm, and my girlfriend gets comments like 'pull yourself together, my one armed friend goes out more than you' etc! Whilst I think these kind of comments from people we know can be hurtful, we tend to see the funny side now and it's become an in joke, so when there's something one of us finds difficult like going to the supermarket we put on silly voices and say things to each other like 'my one armed friend could go to Sainsbury's'. I know it's silly but you can either feel hurt and resentful when people say things like 'pull yourself together', or you can have a giggle about the way relatives just have no idea!

Ben