Anger

[KK77]

I wanted to start a thread about this because it’s not something we seem to discuss much here.

I have suffered with anger problems for many years and I think that it’s one of the major factors in anxiety and depression. I think that a lot of us have problems with confrontation. You know, emotions all over the place, thoughts running wild in our heads ... what the other person may say and what we should say and the outcome etc. I think that fear lies at the heart of anxiety and depression and that fear creates a sense of insecurity. Perhaps that very insecurity – whatever it may be about – creates our anger. It’s like the insecurity with the jealous and possessive girlfriend/boyfriend. And there’s always anger involved with jealousy.

Bottling up your anger is no good for your health in my experience. There comes a point where you just explode and the anger’s been multiplied by a hundred times. I’ve had times in my life when I’ve repressed the anger so much that I’ve made myself physically ill. I don’t know to be sure, but it could have started off my depression and anxiety.

Then there are those people that get angry and have to express it. One minute they’re OK and something happens and they just flip. Maybe this is better than the person that keeps things bottled up but these people also have their problems in relationships with others.

So where’s the middle road? Obviously everyone can lose their temper but I think that a lot of people with depression and anxiety have major problems expressing their anger. Personally, I’ve found it difficult to find this balance. Maybe in some ways we’re more sensitive to hurts, slights etc. Maybe we take things far too personally. There could be a million reasons, but all this causes anger in us that has to be released somehow. If my anger isn’t released I find my depression starts up. This eventually creates anxiety too.

So anger can turn inwards as self-hate, depression/anxiety etc (and probably physical illness in the end) or outwards towards others and the world.

Perhaps I should start punching my pillow again...

[BabyRachel]

I find it difficult to express my anger because I'm scared of the consequences...
Also at the moment I seem to go to bed angry and wake up fuming?? Its really weird... I seem to calm down after a while... But its just very odd...

[erin31]

When I first came off venlafaxine my anger knew no bounds and was more frightening for me then the panic attacks. I could get so angry at the smallest thing but really what I am angry at are all the bad things in the past.
I try and look forward, never look back but it isn't always easy to do.

I think we should let our anger out. I see a Chinese doctor who tells me that we must never keep anger in. She tells her clients to go into a room and 'let it all out'.
I find letting go like this hard to do but I do turn to exercise to help get rid of my anger, whether it is a brisk walk or 30 minutes pedaling furiously on a bike it does help.
You have started a good topic and it will be very interesting to see how others deal with their anger.

[den68]

im really bad for locking my anger up. I think its got something to do with my mum being very dominent and every time i got angry as a kid i would be punished for it but i do love my mum so not blaming her. Now when im really really angry i do the worst thing and just go quiet which isnt good but sometimes i find i cry with anger and then feel better i think that must be a release

[nervy-paul]

I find anger/irritation a problem. I work part-time in a canine rescue charity shop and some days, I find the customers very annoying and I feel the anger in my belly and the pressure in my head. They don't necessarily have to do anything, just them walking in the shop and looking at stuff is enough to irritate and make me feel very anti-social - quite a problem for someone working with the general public!!! Most days I am fine, but their are those days when I would just rather not deal with the public, and would be quite happy for no-one to come in the shop, though I realise that wouldn't be fair on the dogs we are making money for. I find talking about it with the people I am working with helps, along with dog walks and listening to nice music helps. You're right Erin31, this is has the makings of a great and fasinating topic.

[KK77]

Exercise is definitely a good way to combat frustration and anger Erin. Since I've been more active I've felt a lot better both mentally and physically.

I find myself getting really wound up when dealing with people too. Because of my job I have to deal with the public all the time and I've been known to blow my top a few times. The problem is that I'm really calm, then suddenly lose it which can come as a bit of a shock when the person doesn't know me.

This week I've been really angry actually, which is probably why I thought of starting this.

[mothermac]

Yeah,I agree with you guys,anger is something I try to control but I do lose the fight sometimes.Iwork in Tesco and we have to be nice ALL the time to customers and we get mystery shoppers to test us and most days I feel the anger welling up inside me when I see greedy people buying crap and lots of junk food and coming in the shop at 9pm at night when they should be at home not buying more and more stuff.Sorry for the rant but I know feeling like this makes my anxiety worse as Igo home feeling mighty hyper-I think I need to calm down.(lol).

[maddie]

Anger is a major problem for me. I have to hold it in because I fear I could really hurt someone if I let it loose. I often feel like destroying the house - just totally trashing it. But that wouldn't resolve the causes of the anger and they are now beyond reach or rectifying.

I now tend to be too passive to compensate for it, which means when I do blow it's spectacular!

[Milo]

I too have a major problem with Anger. Firstly I bottle it up for ages and I relate all sorts of things that may have happened in the past to the current situation and my anger increases. I usually only blow my top and let it out after a few drinks! The problem is then that the next day it all comes back again as I dont feel anything has been resolved and the cycle continues.
I am also passive / aggressive. So I behave in nasty ways - with my wife mainly, to try and get a reaction from her - this never works and only makes things even worse.

[Typer]

My thoughts are that anger turns in on itself if not expressed (safely) and becomes anxiety