Hi There
I have just joined this forum as I am so desperate for any advise. I am sorry that this thread will be so long but I need to explain how I am feeling:
Basically, I am 30 years old and I have always been a worrier. As a little girl I would wake up panicking about my mum and dad dying. As I got older I could control my feelings and have been leading a pretty normal life.
6 weeks ago I woke up 1 morning with a feeling of utter dread! I know what triggered it. My dad has just turned 64 and retires next year. I know that he is scared of getting old and I am worried sick about him. You might say talk to him but I can't!!!!
This has certainly triggered it and I am constantly worried, panicky and very very scared. I cannot eat properly and I have lost over a stone in weight. I can't get to sleep at night and wake up for hours on end. This feeling just won't go away and I can't see that it ever will. Surely, as my dad gets older I am going to feel worse?
I am also deeply worried because I am scared this is in my genes! I know my dad is a worrier and he is probably going through the same thing I am. He is very deep and wouldn't tell us about it tho. His sister has bad nerves and basically she has now completely lost the plot and has to have careres as her husband cannot cope - I do not want to go down this road but I actually feel as tho I am going crazy/insane!
I have a constant 'feeling' in the top of my chest which won't go away and have heart palps and an upset stomache.
I have thought that I would rather not be here than go through this feeling day after day. But then I wouldn't do anything like that as the people I am worrying about would suffer!
I also worry about my mum as she is overweight and I am worried that my brother may be like me too but also hiding it.
I guess my question is what can I do?? I don't ever think I'll get over this.
P.s. I have a gr8 boyfriend who I love deeply and we have just bought a house together moving in next May. I mean, I have nothing to worry about really at all as I have so much to look forward to!!!!! I am not looking forward to any of it as I am so worried and scared.
I told him last night how I was feeling, it didn't help. He was really good but he doesn't understand why I can't stop worrying.
Also, I am worried that if I was to get some sort of medication now, how would I cope when something bad really does happen as I will already be on the medication.
I would be so grateful if someone could help me. I really don't know what to do.
Thank you so much for reading this awfully long thread! x