blip again, wish it would stop!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Almost slept in this morning, managed to make it on time for my gps appointment. I let the gp know how I was feeling over the last few days, I let her know that I have been panicky, that my friend is leaving to go home for good. she says that I'm going through a tough time, with my dad being ill and my friend going home. Plus I am remembering horrible stuff from my horrible past.

she also reminded me that its not my fault for the sexual abuse. though at times it feels that way.

I mention my personal problem, she says cause of time, she will check it next week. I hope so.

after my appointment, I went to the vampire clinic, and my inr was a way up, I have been reduced down from 9mg to 8 mg of warfarin, plus not to take any until Monday, yipee. I dont like taking warfarin.

I did not have any panic attacks today, as I talked about the sexual abuse to my gp, I was more upset than panicky.

lots more of my past I have remember. need to go and talk to someone.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Almost slept in this morning, managed to make it on time for my gps appointment. I let the gp know how I was feeling over the last few days, I let her know that I have been panicky, that my friend is leaving to go home for good. she says that I'm going through a tough time, with my dad being ill and my friend going home. Plus I am remembering horrible stuff from my horrible past.

she also reminded me that its not my fault for the sexual abuse. though at times it feels that way.

I mention my personal problem, she says cause of time, she will check it next week. I hope so.

after my appointment, I went to the vampire clinic, and my inr was a way up, I have been reduced down from 9mg to 8 mg of warfarin, plus not to take any until Monday, yipee. I dont like taking warfarin.

I did not have any panic attacks today, as I talked about the sexual abuse to my gp, I was more upset than panicky.

lots more of my past I have remember. need to go and talk to someone.

Yvonne

Phew Yvonne - you are going through it at the moment aren't you.
I'm glad you keep posting here - at least you know you're not on your own.

And you have your Dad to look after, and it sounds like you do a lot more than some would do. So well done for caring.

It is good that your memories are coming out - better out than in they say! At least as they come out you can do something about it - at the least pray and try to let go, and let some light in.

Sorry about your friend leaving - it may seem hard - but God will send you more friends I'm sure.

I think it's good that you felt more upset than panicky at the gps. There probably is a relationship between your panic/anxiety and feling upset.
And I think honestly that all this could be a great healing time for you if you keep cool, and take it one hour at a time.

I think you got a raw deal in life, and think how great it wil be when you come out the other side feeling great and on top of the world, and I believe it can happen.

God bless
Martin

Isaiah 41:10"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

[yvonne_uk_98]

Phew Yvonne - you are going through it at the moment aren't you.
I'm glad you keep posting here - at least you know you're not on your own.

And you have your Dad to look after, and it sounds like you do a lot more than some would do. So well done for caring.

It is good that your memories are coming out - better out than in they say! At least as they come out you can do something about it - at the least pray and try to let go, and let some light in.

Sorry about your friend leaving - it may seem hard - but God will send you more friends I'm sure.

I think it's good that you felt more upset than panicky at the gps. There probably is a relationship between your panic/anxiety and feling upset.
And I think honestly that all this could be a great healing time for you if you keep cool, and take it one hour at a time.

I think you got a raw deal in life, and think how great it wil be when you come out the other side feeling great and on top of the world, and I believe it can happen.

God bless
Martin

Isaiah 41:10"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Hi Martin,

Thank you for your encouranging words, and the beautiful verse from Isaiah. very much appreciated.

I phoned my friend, she was great help too, my friend came with me to my gp. going to see my gp next week.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday morning, I slept in, though managed to go to my womens group. I was hoping to start the posters, and I asked for help. hey took us ages to think of anything. I have a rough Idea what is to go on the inviations, just need to find out what's going on the programme.

plus we are being put forward for an award. let you know more, at present I have homework to write about myself from being sexually abused, raped, through domestic violence, to what my womens group has done to help me, and what I'm doing now. lots to think about and lots to sort out.

right now I feel suicidal, its horrible, and its a hughe battle to get through, well I think that.

after my womens group, I went to my dad's, then to find out that he did not need me today. wish I knew he didnt need me. I could have went home. oh well I suppose that's fathers for you. especially mine.

need to take my mind of my negative feelings and overwhelming stage.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Friday morning, I slept in, though managed to go to my womens group. I was hoping to start the posters, and I asked for help. hey took us ages to think of anything. I have a rough Idea what is to go on the inviations, just need to find out what's going on the programme.

plus we are being put forward for an award. let you know more, at present I have homework to write about myself from being sexually abused, raped, through domestic violence, to what my womens group has done to help me, and what I'm doing now. lots to think about and lots to sort out.

right now I feel suicidal, its horrible, and its a hughe battle to get through, well I think that.

after my womens group, I went to my dad's, then to find out that he did not need me today. wish I knew he didnt need me. I could have went home. oh well I suppose that's fathers for you. especially mine.

need to take my mind of my negative feelings and overwhelming stage.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne

Do you sleep ok then?
- you often say you slept in.

Just wondered - for the first few weeks on cit I struggled to sleep through.
Horrible times really.
But I seem to be out of that phase now, and tired all the time, and could lie in quite easily.
Not totally asleep, but not totally awake either.
But not anxious if I take propranalol before I go to bed which is good.

Keep your head up - you're doing ok.
Sounds like you're slowly getting on top of your feelings.

Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne

Do you sleep ok then?
- you often say you slept in.

Just wondered - for the first few weeks on cit I struggled to sleep through.
Horrible times really.
But I seem to be out of that phase now, and tired all the time, and could lie in quite easily.
Not totally asleep, but not totally awake either.
But not anxious if I take propranalol before I go to bed which is good.

Keep your head up - you're doing ok.
Sounds like you're slowly getting on top of your feelings.

Martin

Hi Martin,

Yes I do sleep very well, quiet a lot of the time I sleep in, I am also on Trazadone 50mg, I was on 100 mg before Christmas I always slept in. now some times I can get up and other times I sleep in.



Saturday morning, my daughters woke me up, letting me know that they were going to the pictures. As I was having a lie in to 9.30am.

I was feeling suicidal, I grabbed my dsi nintendo and played some games, then the phone rang, it was my dad, asking me to go to Barrhead with him and get some shopping for him. I agreed, I went to my dad's for 11.30 am this morning, made him a cuppa before going to Barrhead to get some shopping. My dad will not drive his car without me being there.

When we got to Barrhead shops, my dad had a long list of things to get, we did not get one thing on his list. I will get it on Monday when I go shopping.

I hope I do not sleep in tomorrow, I have church to go to. need to be there cause its the only way I'm going to find out about the management meeting and it's my friends last time at the church.

no rehearsals on Tuesday as it is the managment meeting, I need to know where it is being held as it is a joint meeting with the kirk session.

I spent a good few hours with my dad and watch two movies at my dads, then my daughter came and my oldest son and his girlfriend and my two grand children. My youngest grand son, was cuddling into me asking and pointing what is that. he so cute, when he was going home, he did not want to leave. it was so sweet.

I have had a good day and a great afternoon. awesome.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday Morning, I got up early this mornng, up at 5.00am, I could not get back to sleep, I put my dsi on and played a pogo.com game for a while, then I became tired, I was only meant to shut my eyes for a moment, I fell asleep, and woke up in time for going to church. Praise God I woke up in time.

got to church with my children, church was good, and the presentation was good too. spending time with my friend who is leaving. plus lots of our friends came to the church service because they were invited to take part as our friend is leaving. it was good. After the church serivce, (My son does the sound system with 2 other guys in the church) One of the guys who does the sound system, came and asked to have a word with me, I asked him did Adrain do something wrong, he started shouting at me, telling me to keep my son under control. he says that my son was being cheeky, and nasty. I got a fright, I had a bad panic attack, this guy stormed out of the church. the deacon came to me and prayed for me, he had a word with the guy. and he is going to talk the guy when he has calmed down.

the other guy who is teaching my son the sound system, says that there was nothing going on. we think it must have been something else, and this guy has blown the top and taken it out on me, that my son when joking around was the last straw for this guy. after it all, I took a diazepam, as I was finding it very hard to calm down.

other than that things are going well. I'm now tired, going to go for a sleep.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday evening, I have had a good sleep for a few hours. feel much better. try not to think of what happened today. just focus on the good things of today.

I have a double driving lesson tomorrow, I have a few road signs for my instructor tomorrow. I will ask him the questions that I have. Looking forward to my driving lesson.

going to find my cd and practice the songs I've to learn and play a few games.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Sunday evening, I have had a good sleep for a few hours. feel much better. try not to think of what happened today. just focus on the good things of today.

I have a double driving lesson tomorrow, I have a few road signs for my instructor tomorrow. I will ask him the questions that I have. Looking forward to my driving lesson.

going to find my cd and practice the songs I've to learn and play a few games.

Yvonne

Hi Y

You sound a bit better now - I hope you're doing ok.

Good luck with the double driving lesson.
I remember learning hill starts and parallel parking and all that.

I've got a Ds lite - what's your fave game?
I only got basic brain training when I got mine, so don't know much else about them.
Does it really work to take your mind off things?
Could really use that sometimes!!

Keep in touch
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Y

You sound a bit better now - I hope you're doing ok.

Good luck with the double driving lesson.
I remember learning hill starts and parallel parking and all that.

I've got a Ds lite - what's your fave game?
I only got basic brain training when I got mine, so don't know much else about them.
Does it really work to take your mind off things?
Could really use that sometimes!!

Keep in touch
Martin

Hi Martin,

Yes I feel a bit better, my double driving lesson was alrght, I managed to my parallel parking on my own with out being prompted. which is good.

Yes the ds lite dose work and take your mind of it, I have lots of fav, I like the card games, colours, murder detective and puzzle games, plus adventure games too, ones that make you think and are an absolute challenge.

I also play games on here, I play the billiards one on here, and do my singing practice. I have almost learned all the songs that I need to learn. just to get it in the correct order now, I get one of the songs mixed up, what line comes next. just to practice more.

rest of today, after my driving lesson, I went to my dads, he had a drs appointment, I went with him. then we went shopping, I only got a small amount of shopping, need to go tomorrow. I have a busy day tomorrow, first shopping, then I have my counselling appointment, and strraight after it I have a meeting. then I have a Management Meeting at the church. In the evening.

I started off very nervious this morning, I guess its part of yesterday. now I feel a bit better. hope I dont have this problem tomorrow.

Yvonne