blip again, wish it would stop!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne - what a great idea - cd's to take home and wordsheets.
Nice one and thanks a lot!
Mart

Hi Martbarr,


Your very welcome, glad I could be of some help.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne

My heart goes out to you!

Do you get any time to be quiet - and chill - or is talking like that not very helpful?

I do believe that the selfharm feeling may be an old feeling come back to haunt you, like our emotions do from time to time. You did say "not the thought" - very impressed you know yourself that well, and I think that sounds like a major healing step, to me at any rate.

If I were you, I'd phone and tell the Women's group that you made a mistake, or your computer's broken, and won't be able to do posters etc.
(not really a lie is it ?? - if you haven't got time to use it it's broken!)
And failing that - see if you have a friend who could dive in and help - or maybe see if there's online ones already done and copy those.

But please take some time to chill - I get the feeling it would help - even though I know it's not easy! But you do sound very busy.

Congratulations on being hospital free for so long - it sounds like you've conquered it, and end of March is not far away - so my money is on you being just fine. I know - easy to say from a distance - and this stuff isn't easy is it ?

But go well Yvonne
hope the rest of your day is good.
cheers
Martin

Hi Martbarr,

Thank you for your encouragng words. very much apprecaited. Yes I have time to chill out, time to myself. in the evening. I looked up the history of Women's International Day, and gave them the print outs, I see my friends at the womens group on Friday, I will be able to let them know then. I'm not as panicky as earlier, feel a bit better.

I'm at home now, my dad phoned me when I was at his house and asked me to be ready to go, as I had time before doing his washing, I went with my dad to mines to get the 4 boxes of videos from my shed that is going to be taken away. as it is beyond repair. My dad got his videos back. which was great to get them out the shed, as I have no room in the house for them.

Then we went to my sisters house, she has a garage, we put the boxes in her garage. then we went to my dad's house, I got his wheel chaiir out of the boot, unfolded the wheel chair, put the brakes on, for my dad to get into the wheel chair. then I wheeled my dad into hiis house, just in time for doing his washing, I went to the laundry room and put his washing on, then I went back after 40 minutes, then put his washing into the dryers. my dads washing slot finishes at 5.00pm. I went back a little after 5.00pm, and his stuff was dry. took my dads clean washing back to him and put it away for him, then I had to make the dinner. After dinner, I washed his dishes, watch tv with him for a while, then I got ready to come home.

Praise God for a free Saturday, looking forward to peace and quiet tomorrow. I can get more studying done tomorrow afternoon, me time in the morning.

I wonder if I wll have a bit more time this week to spend with my dad. I hope so, as I did not have the same time last week. wont be long until I will be drivng him about in the car. I'm going to get provisinal car insurance with Marmalade Car Insurance company, for 3 months.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday late morning, I had a lie in, it was great. I'm having a lazy day in the house, though I will do some studying, go online for a bit, am taking the time to me. My dad says in two weeks time, he will take me down to behind the bingo hall, and give me a driving lesson then, this will let him know how good my driving is. I am looking forward to it, by then I will have the money to pay for this 3 months insurance. I have been saving up for it. as I want to still have money in my account, I'm glad my dad says in two weeks time.

hopefully no more snow. Going to church tomorrow, and for now going to practice my singing and learnng the words that I need to know.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday evening, I have not done much today, spent a good time practicing the songs that I need to learn, getting to know two of the songs, got more to learn. I've stopped for now.

Received a letter from the vampire clinic, they want me to go to a different clinic, I rather go to the one I'm used too. than go to the one they want me to goto. I have my gp on Thursday morning, I'm just going to go to the clinic after my gp appointment. I have done this before, just turn up, at the clinic in the same building as my gp. I feel confident to go to my gp's building than any other building.

I have told these nurses that I do not cope with change very well. what part dont they get. the last nurse took note of it, I guess they are bad a communicating with each other.

I can handle change when it happens when your fore warned about it, hey when it happens so quicky and it one thing after another and everything is going really fast. this part of change I dont cope with.

going to listen to my worship music. need to calm my anx down.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, I slept in, though stll managed to goto church, as I was reading the up date, I noticed that my friend is leaving the church next week. no matter how much I have tried to spend extra time with her, which has been very hard. This evening she is away to Glasgow Elim church, I requested to go with her, as we went there on a regular basis together. Though we had not been in a while, this would be the last time going together. after church she refused, well I tried.

When I got home, my dad phoned, I went to my dad's to take my mind off my friend. Yes I know I can email, phone once in a while, though it will not be the same. Wish she was not leaving. Oh well, got to move on.

I have my driving lesson tomorrow, its a double appointment. I'm looking forward to it. plus my shopping, hopefully the dss will have put the money into my new bank account. if not I will need to phone them. Everything at present is a nightmare, got lots of direct debits to sort out. as long as I dont panic, I will be alright, hopefully.


Yvonne

[KK77]

Hello Yvonne

Sorry to hear about your friend leaving. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and your driving lesson goes well... How are you getting on with the sertraline? Are you still getting dizziness?

I've been well. Still get a lot of tiredness during the day but I've kind of got used to it now. It's definitely true that side effects settle after a while but some seem to persist longer than others.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Try and remain calm and detached when sorting out all your bills - they just aren't worth the headache!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Sorry to hear about your friend leaving. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and your driving lesson goes well... How are you getting on with the sertraline? Are you still getting dizziness?

I've been well. Still get a lot of tiredness during the day but I've kind of got used to it now. It's definitely true that side effects settle after a while but some seem to persist longer than others.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Try and remain calm and detached when sorting out all your bills - they just aren't worth the headache!

Hi Melancholia77,

My driving lesson was good today. Yes I'm still getting the dizziness. it would be good if the dizziness could stop. I'm glad your well, yes it can be very tiring.

after my driving lesson, I started to have panic attacks, which took a while to go away, as the day went on, the panic attacks got worse, I had that horrible overwhelming feeling and wanting so much to self harm. Later on this evening, I went to my aqua areobics class,I was panicking through the exercise, then after it I managed to calm down a bit, I went for the bus, then my panic attack started all over again, when the bus got to town, I went and got a taxi up the road, as I was too panicky to go to the bus stop.

When I was shopping earlier, I was very anx and panicky. though I had a good morning, the rest of the day kinda went pear shaped. I'm still having panic attacks. I hope this does not happen tomorrow, this was one big wobble today.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, I slept in, I'm having panic attacks again today. I wanted to cancell my appointment for my counselling, though I thought I had a meeting afterwards, I went to my appointment still feeling very panicky, and doing my breathing exercise, I arrived late at my appointment, then after my appointment, in the same place was meant to be a meeting that I thought was this week. turns out to be next week. if I had taken more care to ask and make sure about the meeting, I could have stayed at home instead of going. I went cause this is a very important meeting. to do with the accounts.

I hope I can calm down for the rehearsals this evening. let you know how this evening goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday evening, I went to rehearals, I started off panicky, then as time when on, I didnt notice me being panicky. I felt better then when I started. that's rehearals over for another week, still to practice at home.

At home now, feel calm, hope to God this calmness lasts for the rest of tonight. Tomorrow got to get up early, going to my dads, going with him to the hospital, so that the nurse can tune my voice into his hearing aid. then off to Cydebank, more excercise, hard working pushing a wheel chair with someone in it. I managed to work out how to get on and off pavements that do not have the low level pavements.

let you know how tomorrow goes, I managed to get the direct debits all sorted and I had to phone the dss and got my bank details changed all today. I'm glad that's over, each time I phone each company, I was very panicky, I calmed myself down after each phone call, then off I would panic again. it was like a rolla costa..

overwhelming stage starting again, going to play some games, keep my mind occuppied.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday mornng, I woke up very early at 5.00am, I stayed in bed until about 7 am, then I got up, washed and dressed. I phoned my dad to make sure he was up. then I left my house for 8.15 am, as I was to be at my dad's for 8.30 am..

When I got to my dad's he was not even ready yet. I nagged him to get ready, then we went to the hospital, he was told to get an appointment at his gps to get his ears cleaned. then they will see him in two weeks, to put ear moulds to make new and a new hearing aid to help him hear better.

Then after the hospital, we went to clydebank, while traveling there. I had a bad memory come back up, though going to clydebank, has nothing to do with my bad memory that I remembered. I did my best to push it to the back of my mind, We finally arrived at clydebank shopping centre, I got my dad's wheel chair out of his boot, I wheeled him to the co-op, so he could pay a bill off, then went shopping. around 3 pm, we came back home.

On our journey back, I tryed very hard not to think about what I had remembered, before I knew it, I could not stop thinkng about what I had remembered. I know ths happend a very long time ago. I became very edgie, not feeling very comfortable, I phone home and asked one of my teenage children to come down to their grandads, so that I would have someone to walk home with. I was sexually abused by my uncle.

Plus I have been very panicky today, and I have had suicidal thoughts today too.

Going to see my gp tomorrow, need to let her know how I have been over the last week, I have a personal problem, going to mention it to her tomorrow. I hope it's nothing. let you know what happens at the gps tomorrow.

Yvonne