Suicidal thoughts

[sesa1979]

Hi,

I have not been on here a while anyway im on medication for OCD and seeing a mental health nurse until i can have CBT but im having terrible suicidal thoughts like i just want it all to end i wondering if i do not want to die if i just want to escape from the suicide thoughts and other intrusive thoughts i get. I took an overdose 7 years ago and im scared incase i will loose control and do something stupid. My partner got in touch with my pychiatrist today who rang me i told her she then said ill get in touch with my consultant and ring you back anyway someone rang me back from a mental health place and said if you feel that bad and you feel like you are going to do something you will have to be admitted to hospital i said i did not want to go into hospital i just cannot get rid of these thoughts he said well its not the best place to be when your like that so my partner is away tonight and he said someone will come out tomorrow to see me he said he could contact the mental health crisis team but its all down to resources. Has anyone alse ever felt like this and will it get any easier a few weeks back i was improving but have just got worse im so scared and all alone i just cant seem to fight it. I have been in bed all day today as i cannot face getting up. I also feel as though the thoughts are telling me i should die i have never felt so all alone and frightened in my life and i dreading tomorrow to see what they will say.

[looking4answers]

I think most of us has felt this way at one time or another.. some more than others..But think about it.. even with life being unsure and having anxiety and depression its better than the alternative.. when you get those feelings .. just say "its just a feeling or thought,it will go away" Besides. you will have eternity to be at peace,,relax and try to enjoy the ride as long as it last..If this persist see a doc for meds or seek professional help at once.. But be assured we all feel like you at one time.. It subsides and will eventually go away.. Good luck to you .We are all here for you . Michael

[paradox]

I feel like this frequently. Sometimes overwhelmingly so.

But when things level out again (and they invariably do), something will happen that makes me think, 'if you'd gone through with your plan to die you would never have experienced this little joy'.

Each and every time a small piece of happiness makes me grateful I didn't kill myself. It may be a robin on the tree outside, or a joke on the tv or a piece of music. Or hearing my son laugh.

Despite the horrible way you feel at the moment, it will pass. There's always hope. And you have to stay around for the people who love and care about you.

This is a good place to start. Support from people who understand exactly how you feel. Take care.

[Star 52]

Hi,
I've been where you are several times. It's a horrible feeling to be that out of control but hang onto the good things in life that give you that glimmer of hope. The bad days do pass and I always try to remember that it's ok to ask for help from others and admit how rubbish you're really feeling - not something I used to be good at. You're here on earth for a good reason, you're life is worth so much, but it takes time to replace the bad memories with good ones. Hang in there, hope this passes soon and you can move on again. All the best

[lc2613]

i have had times where i have had thoughts that scare me how my head can come up with them luckily i have my kids so when i do have any thoughts like this i think of them. i find the thoughts come in the heat of a moment or when i feel lost and that those close to me have no idea or understanding sometime s this is the most selfish hing i think is that what it takes for the people closest to me to understand how i felt but i would never go through with it and i find a few hours down the line i am riddled with guilt for even thinking such things. it is all pass and parcel of what we go through but they do pass if it gets to the stage it becomes more than intrusive thoughts make sure you do tell someone because it is not the answer. hope you feel better soon. x

[sesa1979]

Thanks Michael had the feelings for a while doctors said i should stay on the same meds still as been on them eight weeks and they still might not of had the full effect yet but i feel as though i am getting nowhere with them at the moment. I have spoken to so many doctors etc and all they say is that you will have to wait to see the phychiatrist until January and i have an emergency number for when im on my own. Feel as though there is not much help unless you can afford private i just dont know what to do anymore. Im scared as have been this low a few times and just feel as though its so hard to fight it.

[suzy-sue]

I t will get better even tho you maybe cannot see that at the moment ,,Have you had an increase in your meds since you started taking them ?or are you on the dose you started on ? This could have a bearing to why they are making you wait until January ..Each new dose has to settle before it kicks in it will take anything from 4-8weeks on each new dose before you feel the benefit .I cant give you any more advice that you havnt been given already .But this is just a temporary state of mind and you will feel different soon .TAKE CARE Hugs Sue

[sesa1979]

I know its horrid, i think im so scared of my future as me and my partner were trying for a baby and when the OCD came along i was advised to wait till i get treatment which i do agree with but i scared that if i get pregnant in the future the OCD gets really bad and i will not beable to cope while pregnant and to have those thoughts again sends me in turmoil. Im seeing my phychiatrist tomorrow its been pushed forward from January so ill see what she has to say. Thanks for replying to me ill keep you posted. xxxx

[sesa1979]

Thanks Star im trying my best never felt so low and scared. Im really scared to ask for help from others so i only really have support from my partner and mom and dad i do not like to tell my partners family as they do not understand the condition and i scared his mom will think im mad.

[sesa1979]

Hi Sue, Been really bad so phychiatrist is seeing me tomorrow been on the meds 8 weeks but they said i am on the top dose so not sure what they will do but i do know others who are on a higher dose. Thankyou xxxx