Dad - 1st anniversary

[PoppyC]

Hi all
As some of you may remember from my posts over the past year, my Dad died suddenly nearly a year ago just 5 days before christmas day and then my Mum passed away a few months later in July.
It is coming up this weekend to the first anniversary of my Dads death and I am dreading it, and can't believe how quickly this year has gone.
This time of year now just brings back the awful horrible memories of last year...I had to tell my mum my dad had died and they had been married for 60 years. it was the most awful thing I have ever had to do. It was heartbreaking. She was absolutely in agony with grief for the rest of her time alive and I know the grief along with other factors is why she died a few months later. I am trying to enjoy everything wintery and christmasy this year (I can't really remember now much of last years winter - it was all a blur it seems looking back) but it seems to be overshadowed by last years events. I think that is why I keep getting emotional when I see all the lights & decorations when out and hear the music - it gets too much.
How have others coped and dealt with the day??? I am worried about how I will be when the first anniversary is here.

[EmmaJane]

Hi Poppy

I can totally understand. My psrents are both still alive, although my dad is very ill. Again, they have been married since 1948. I lost my brother on 2nd December, 10 years ago this year and that time has flown by.

All I can say is let your body and emotions, do what they need to do. If you need to cry, then cry. If you want to be on your own, then try and get some time to yourself.

I know its the old cliche ( cant spell it) but time does heal, and at the moment, this is all very recent. Be kind to yourself and remember the hapyy times :-)

They will be with you in their own way xx

[Maj]

My heart goes out to you. What a sad time. I still have my parents so I cannot comprehend what you are going through or how you'll cope but I'd just like you to know that I really feel for you and hope you get through Christmas okay.
Myra x

[ZoJo]

Hi PoppyC,

My Dad died on the 28th December (Three years ago this year) The first anniversary is a hard one. I couldn't believe how quickly it came round too, but I sat and pondered and cried. Three years on and I still have a few quiet moments, but I would say it does get easier.
I am looking forward to Christmas this year, I have over the past couple of years taken the tree down on the 28th and decided that Christmas was over! This year we are going out for dinner somewhere and I will raise a glass or two in my Dad's memory.
(I'm welling up writing this!) You will get through it and get stronger each year!
Take care of yourself and I understand what you are feeling, sending you hugs

[bottleblond]

Poppy

I wish i could say something that would make it easier for you hun but i can't. Christmas really is a difficult time when you have lost people who you really loved because the gap feels even bigger.

My dad passed away over two years ago now and it was quite a shock because he never told us that he was so ill but we weren't as close as you and your parents were so i really do feel for you.

Sending you big hugs..



Love Lisa
xxx

[maddie]

Dear Poppy, first anniversaries are always dreadfully hard to bear. They are part of grieving, but also part of remembering.

My Aunt raised me and was like a mother to me. I had to tell my Uncle that she had died and I will never forget his anguished cry. Some people deal with loss by trying to carry on as if no-one was missing. On anniveraries, we remember my Aunt and talk about her. As the years have passed, certain sayings or things she did have become happy memories of her that warm our hearts instead of saddening them. This Christmas will be hard for you, but I hope that some of the tears will be for shared pleasant remembrances.

[sunshine-lady]

I can totaly empathise with how you must be feeling Poppy as my dad passed away 2 an a half years ago. Even though time does help to ease the pain a little, I find Christmas a tough time.

EmmaJane is right by saying take things as they come, if you feel like crying, then cry etc. Also take this time to remember the fond memories that you shared over the years.

Take care

[PoppyC]

Thank You all for your helpful replies & Lisa for the pic message. I am dreading Sunday, but all your advice has really helped a lot.
I am also sorry for all your losses.
I am going through a bad couple of days and I think maybe it is because of what happened this time last year. I have cried so much today - it seemed like everything overwhelmed me and I just cried for ages. I just got so down.
I will be glad in one way when the first anniversaries are over. I will remember all the good memories and focus on them. I think I have been blanking out what has happened during the past year. I switch off when I start to remember because I get too upset and then I get panicky.
EmmaJane - Sorry to hear about your Dad being unwell - I hope he improves and soon feels better.
Hugs and love to you all

[ZoJo]

Poopyc,

You will cry and you will reflect on the year and all what you have been through. The first anniversary will pass, all be it painfully. I really feel for you, I really, really do. My thoughts are with you for Sunday, feel how you feel and don't worry about crying.
Big hugs

[BabyRachel]

Poppy, I am so so sorry.... My heart goes out to you.

It must be so very painful for you... I always think the best thing to do when we lose loved ones is to remember the happy moments, and know they are with you in Spirit....

As for ways to cope... If the thought of 'Christmas' is too much for you, maybe distract yourself for the day.... Put on your favorite movies, spend time with loved ones... Just because it is christmas doesnt mean it has to be for you. It sounds silly I know... But I think distraction would help me a lot...

If thats not your thing, maybe take it as a day to greive.... Spend the day honouring your parents memories, let it all out, cry as much as you need to... Then the next day, gather yourself and begin to go about your normal daily life...

I don't know if this has been any help, Im sorry if it hasnt.. But your in my thoughts.
Xoxoxo