Daily diary of anyone and everyone. Want to join?

[Under~The~Stars]

Hey guys

Under the stars.....This is my special friend I mentioned right at the beginning of this thread. Her name is very apt, as she is a star. She makes it sound as though the friendship has beenall one sided, it hasn't by any means.

Really means a lot to me, hunny. You are the star

Under the stars (gonna have to find a nickname hunny....how about Star?)

Star it is!

I worry I am a bad influence for her but she insists that I am a good one!

And I insist again, you are not a bad influence at all! You are the the best influence I have in my life. Like I've said to you before, sweetheart. A bad influence is someone who makes you feel bad in some way... You're the complete opposite. You are an amazing person, and I really respect and trust you (you know how hard it is for me to say that I trust someone, anyone, but I mean it).

Well....been more Christmas shopping. I am getting good at this! Coloured my hair so I now have a full head of blonde again rather than inch long dark roots!

Good on you with the shopping! I had a bit of road rage tonight... Some idiot ran out in front of the car, and you've seen the snow!! It's a miracle that I didn't hit him, and can you believe he was swearing etc at me afterwards?! Cheek!! Idiot

Good about your hair too, hunny

Taken a couple of my new painkillers for my back and feel ever so slightly wooly.

Are they helping? Hope so!

Tomorrow......I am going Christmas shopping again! I am also going to psychotherapy so another busy day.

Good luck for tomorrow, sweetheart. Let me know how you get on. I see CPN tomorrow too...

Ooooh lots of new peeps joining the thread...hi to Stars and SweetPea.

Hey! Nice to meet you

Happy its so nice for you and Stars to have such a good supportive friendship....

She's my rock. Just an amazing person. Love her to bits.

In my eyes, it's a really good friendship, for so many reasons. It was almost as if fate brought us together, as if we hadn't met on here, and how we met away from the internet... Would never have happened normally. We'd never really have any reason to meet... But somehow we did, and I'm so thankful for that. I have a bad habit of isolationg myself away from everyone when I feel really bad - hide away in my bedroom. Don't talk to anyone etc. But I always talk to happyone, no matter what, don't I, mrs? I feel I can be me... I don't have to hide away from her. Whereas, with everyone else, I feel I need to put on a show... But happyone understands me. Thank you, hun. Gosh, I've not half gone all soppy tonight

A lot of you will already hopefully know how good it is to be able to share things with people, and know they understand. And people who haven't had this happen yet... You will... Give it time

I'd also like to say a special little mention to Jimbo... He is one of the people who used to use this site along with happyone, and I, and others a while back... He was also a great help to me. We have both been diagnosed with BPD, so know how crap it is. He's such a caring person, and we try hard to keep in touch. I have mentioned this thread to him today, and I hope he joins in. It'd be great to stay in more regular contact again! If you're reading this, Jim, it'd be great to hear from you

Stars I'm sure for you it was a relief to get a proper diagnosis after trying so many things.

Yeah it has been a relief to see written down what I'm experiencing is not just me... But I still find it hard to accept. I feel something's not right. Something big. It's too hard to explain.

Well I breathed a sigh of relief as I now have a new cooker! Phew. Panic over..lol. I'm glad its sorted as I couldnt sleep last night for worrying about it. I had nightmares of having cheese sandwiches for Xmas dinner

Excellent! That's great news!

Stars I know what you mean about not really liking Xmas. Its not my favourite time of year either. I miss the people who are no longer with us I think. For me the celebrations are always tinged with a bit of sadness.

I know what you mean... I haven't lost anyone, not in the sense of them passing away. But I do feel a tremendous loss for other things, and people. My gran, being a huge part of that. My gran has recently moved into a care home, after living with me all my life, and spending every Christmas at our house... She's now told us that she'd like to stay at the care home for Christmas. This really hurt me. It will be horrible without her. But I have to respect her wishes. Christmas is hard, not for who I've lost, but for who is still around... And for loads of other reasons. Too many to mention. I'd rather sleep through it.

I did a daft thing today and got a Xmas card for the cats...lol. It says on the front "Merry Christmas to the Cat". Well, they are part of the family! Only snag is they can't read

That's great! Pets are such a huge part of the family. I have my dog. He's my baby boy

anybody got any New Years Resolutions? I was thinking of cutting down on the chocolate but that would be torture.

I was thinking about this the other day, actually! I don't think I'm going to make any this year, I never stick to it! I did come close with one from last year, though! My last new year's resolution was to stop smoking... For good! I was one of those people who would go through phases... Sometimes I'd smoke a lot over a few months, but I could stop instantly too, and go for months without! In this last year, I've only smoked 10 cigarettes, so I'm quite pleased with myself for that! Haven't had any for months and months, and don't plan on starting again. But this year... I'm not going to make any resolutions.

I have to agree, Slothette, cutting down on chocolate would be torture! I'm a chocoholic! But you can do it, if you really want to! Believe in yourself

I have so much to do, but haven't done anything I needed to... I'm just so tired! Apart from buy an unbelievable amount of tablets to last through Christmas, when the shops are closed for a tremendous 2 days or something!

Hope you all sleep well tonight! Night night,

x

[Under~The~Stars]

Wow! Hello everyone. It's great to see so many people joining in, whether they are feeling high or low at the moment. I hope to get to know you all as this diary progresses.

Isn't it just? I would love to get to know you all too

I returned from my daughter's tonight. We're all made up and friends again. Phew!

That is absolutely fantastic, maddie! So pleased to hear that! What a load off your mind, eh?

It sounds like you have both had a very tough time of it recently! And she has been very lucky to have you by her side through it all Good to hear that she is beginning to get her life back.

I suppose that now her life is returning to normality, our relationship will shift also and I need to back out slowly. That's going to be so hard. She's my daughter and has become my friend.

Your daughter will still need you. The relationship might change, but she'll still need you. She'll never stop being your daughter. And she'll never stop needing you

Today we were playing hide and seek. He was hiding. I said "where are you?" and a little voice said "gone!" We both laughed so much. His little arms reached up and he gave me the most sloppy yuck kiss - divine! So we will all be together for Christmas

That actually brought a tear to my eye. Beautiful I hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

Night,

x

[maddie]

Thank you under-the-stars

I feel bad not answering everyone personally tonight. I'm selfishly so full of my day that I'm not taking much else in. I will read each of your threads tomorrow. Promise!

[Going home]

Hello happyone,

I only joined today and have spent the last few hours reading through the threads and posts. Maybe the people who have been here for a while take it a little for granted, but let me tell you how amazing this forum seems to be to a new person. It's inspiring, and it's filled with people who are honest with themselves and each other...that seems to cause a bit of tension sometimes but that's human nature. You all care about each other and I can't help feeling that I may have joined something special. From what you say, there seems to be evidence from you that people have recovered using the NMP site because you ask where all your old pals are. I hope as you do that they are all in a better place mentally, and I also hope that with the help of this forum i'll get to that place too.

I'm a mixture of agoraphobic and claustrophobic...and ive been told that its possible to have both at the same time to some degree?

Anyway, I hope its ok for me to join you in your daily diary, I think its a great idea.

From Going home.

I hope there's a light on in the window when I get there...

[maddie]

Hello Going home. Welcome. I hope none of us take this site for granted. It's a wonderful place for help, information, advice and making friends. I hope that we all try to be sensitive to each other and our various problems. I look forward to getting to know you.

[Going home]

Thank you maddie, you too...

[happyone]

I will give a more lengthy reply later but just wanted to share that my hubs and I have just been up the city centre.....BIG deal for me and had a lovely time shopping without the kids (my mum babysat)
I bought him stuff for Christmas and he bought stuff for me. It was really nice. I chose a ring to replace my engagement ring. I have put on a LOT of weight since being on meds (4-5 stone) and I could no longer wear my rings. This is an inexpensive ring, but it just feels symbolic, that I am wearing it. I will ask him for a replacement wedding ring for my birthday.

Speak later. I am off for some Zzzzzzz's before psychotherapy.

Happyone
xx

[Sweetpea6]

Happyone- thanks for the reply. Yeah, I do most definitely feel as though I've shifted gear into a more positive place over the past week or so. I did CBT for several months, which has played a part in helping me take control of my thoughts I suppose, but I think the real change happened when I started taking medication. There's still a long way to go, but I feel hopeful.

Do you feel hopeful about the future? Do you see yourself recovering, or are you not at that point yet? If you are ready, I know you can do it.

Card delivery was a success! Popped in to see a lovely family I used to babysit for until the anxiety got too much. I'd love to go back to them, but am scared to know when the 'time is right'. Whether to take the plunge and go for it, or keep waiting til it feels right. What do you think?

I chose Sweetpea 'cause that's what a family friend called me as a baby, as still calls me now! Yep, I think they're v pretty flowers too.

Something else too, (I admire you happyone for having the patience to read all of this, if you're still going!). Last night I had three girls over for a meal and present exchanging at my house. I've known them since primary school and in a sense we're very close. However, I feel as though over the past few years we've been drifting apart- I tend to feel like the 'odd one out' when we meet up. They're all very chatty, bubbly and loud, but I'm probably more quiet and often feel kinda boring, even though I know that I'm not really. I feel as though I have nothing in common with them anymore...because of the anxiety I've now left school, am not taking driving lessons as they all are, I've never had a boyfriend, am not searching for uni's...all the stuff that they talk about. I was thinking about our topics of conversation, and realised that I really couldn't relate to any of them.

I feel as though they don't know me, or what I'm really about. I'm a Christian, and my faith is really important to me...more than they realise perhaps. I hate feeling on the edge, but know that they love me and accept me; I'm the one who isolates myself by negative thinking. I often compare myself to them, and sometimes feel invalid because I'm not as bubbly as they are.

Maybe I just need to accept that I'm not as close to them as I used to be, but to enjoy being with them anyway on a different level?

My mum says 'just be yourself', but in reality I don't really like myself when I'm with them.

My anxiety has definitely driven a wedge between me and two of them...I've only told one friend in that group of the real root of my worry, but the others don't know. I sometimes feel like the little girl who's being left behind, while they're enjoying themselves, moving on and making something of their lives. *Sigh*

Apart from that it was a nice evening, and anxiety was kept in check.

So what's the latest with you? how are your girls doing...excited about Christmas I bet?!

Enjoy your day, Sweetpea xxx

[Going home]

Couldn't face going outside today so baked some mince pies and chocolate brownies. Maybe i'll gear myself up to go out tomorrow with my other half for a bit of a stroll and a hot chocolate with marshmallows...yummy!

[Sweetpea6]

Going home...what a good idea! I love baking! My younger brother is now annoying me, playing his guitar and making up a song about me (he has no idea that I'm writing about him though, hehe!)

I find cooking so comforting. I think it's kinda theraputic, 'cause you're creating something that others can enjoy with you.

Do you suffer from agoraphobia? (I shall actually go and check your previous posts now to find out). Do you find it hard to leave the house most days? Things will pick up again I'm sure. Take care.