a new fear...i think

[Meg]

Diana,

I haven't got kids so really cannot even start to help you there.

As for all the other issues , the less you do something the less you then want to and the scarier it gets . The solution is always to start facing and doing the activity.

The key to success is time without incident so the more you sleep in your room , teh easier it will get as you have one good night , then two reasonable nights etc and exactly the same for going out.

Avoidance perpetuates avoidance but baby steps if needs be.



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[diana]

Meg,

Thanks yet again. Somehow I knew that was the answer, but was hoping it was something more radical. So then I would have an excuse for not taking my issues by the horns and just dealing with them. Taking baby steps as it were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are right, I am so avoiding the things that I am afraid of, or feel could be a potential situation for an unwanted attack. Yet I know if I don`t start doing these things I will just be wasting a (maybe not so perfect) life, but it`s the one I`ve been given ey? You are right too in that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get up and do what needs to be done. I feel that the things I need to do all at once are all so overwhelming, but like you said baby steps if needed. I think that is where I am going to start. With baby steps!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will set 1 goal a day and go from there then 2 a day etc. etc. etc. I will let you know how I do. I will also be speaking with my pharmacist tomorrow about using either the Gaba, or the HTP5. Meg thank you sooo much for you thoughts and advice they really do make a difference in our lives. I already feel that I can accomplish more right now than before I read your post.

Take care,

Love

Diana xxxxx

[Meg]

Diana,

It's the one you are living and have some influence over so make it work to suit you.

It sounds like you can go out - you just don't ! Quite an easy one to go for.

Your pharmacist might not be familar as they're herbs- you might need a health food/ natural shop.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[diana]

Oh dear Liz, I think you would have managed just fine. You have been through quite alot on your own, and I too feel like you. I don`t know what I would have done. I guess we never do, till it is staring us in the face. I guess we all have our heart wrenching stories. The stories I`ve read on here have done wonders for my own pitiful stories. I know I am not alone now. Sometimes whence going through a situation or 2 we can feel so isolated from the world. I know now that everyone on here has suffered as much or even more than I have and you all are still fighting and living. So I know I can too. I will press forward like all of you here have done. I know together we will beat this thing somehow or another we will!!!! I just know it. Thanks for all of the kind words and support. It really lightens ones burdens and heartaches when someone can listen and understand that person. I feel you all here do that. This is my "safe place" right now, this is where I feel my best. I know I can come here and say and ask anything without being judged. I thank you all for that unconditional love and friendship.

Take care all,

Love

Diana xxxxx

[diana]

Yes, Meg you are right again I can go out. just don`t. I will check with my Vitamin Shoppe personnel to see if they are able to help me. I will definitely make it a goal to go out everyday even if for nothing at all , but to get some fresh air. That will be a start for me. I also will start this evening by making it a point to sleep in my own room. I think my daughter is getting tired of me anyway!!!!!!!!!!! LOL..... I know this is the life I`ve been given and only I can make it better or worse. I`ll go with trying to make it better. I hate the way it is going now. I guess I can only move up from here right?????????? LOL.......... Again thanks for all of your advice.

Love,

Diana xxxxx

P.S. Liz I am sorry for the bad relationship you had to endure for awhile, but atleast now you have found a "GREAT" guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to see you through to the end that absolutely adores you!!!!!!!!

Take care dear,

Love

Diana xxxxx

[stimpy]

Diana he adores me so much he's gone back to work part-time ! [:0]

For the first week I was scared to death, but now I think it is really nice. Steve's mixing with his friends again, I get to listen to loud rock music, watch what I want on TV and get to use the computer without being moved off the chair because it is someone elses turn. I can have a bath without someone wanting to use the loo!:(

I do think a lot of problems are caused because people judge us without knowing the full facts before laying in to us.
Steve's Uncle for example -
"Your child is 3 and he can't talk - you are a bad mother.
You are living in Steve's mum's house spending her money.
You trapped Steve into marriage, and to make sure you got him, you not only got pregnant once but twice."

Of course while he was shouting his mouth off what he didn't know was - Sam is Autistic that's why he can't talk, we are doing all we can for him.
We are ALL living together, we had to leave our home for safety reasons we had nowhere else to go. If we didn't live here your sister would have been in a mental home a lot sooner.
If I'm spending Steve's mum's money then why have I just paid £5000 for new central heating and a new kitchen ? Shouldn't she have paid for it, since I am spending HER money.
And Steve didn't have to marry me, I didn't hold a gun to his head and make him marry me. I told him I was pregnant and gave him the option of walking away and having nothing more to do with me or the baby. We had our second child because we wanted too.
I don't see him visiting, helping or offering to look after Steve's mum so we can have a rest !

It's not my fault I am the spawn of satan [}]
Who gave up life and sanity to look after my mother-in-law and fight for my kids education and well being. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered - then he really would have had something to moan about.[]

I know what you mean. It is nice to have unconditional friendship and a space where you are not judged for your actions.
I have to admit it's made me feel a whole lot better.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[Meg]

Liz, it's great to hera that you'r well enough for Steve to hae gone back to work !
Well done you.

Meg

[stimpy]

And I even made the Journey to hospital for an outpatiants apointment !

Several rescue remedies later, feeling rather stoned with depersonalization I headed to Mc D's for my tea.

"You are doing really well, I didn't expect to see you here. We were all worried about you. You've had your haircut, keep with the meds and I'll see you in 3 months time".
All in all a sucessful day.
And there was me bricking it thinking they were going to have me sectioned !

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[diana]

Wow Liz,

How horrible of Steve`s uncle!!!!!! What a meanie ey? He should be grateful that you all moved in there to help his sister out. No matter what the circumstances. Especially since he is not beating her door down to help her. How rotten of him!!!!!!!!! He need not say anything about a child, especially not knowing what is going on. No one forces or "TRAPS" anyone into marriage we all have "FREE WILL" we can always make that decision to walk if we want. You are no spawn of satan sweetie, no matter what the uncle thinks. He should just try and walk a mile in your shoes. Then maybe he could appreciate the person you are. You just keep on doing what you are doing. Never mind others ignorance. Good for you for all of the freedom you have found, eg. listening to "LOUD" rock music, taking a bath without someone needing to use the loo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! etc. etc. etc. Dear I do hope you are able to find the accomodations for Sam, that he needs. I am so glad that we both found this site as it has done wonders for me too .

Take care dear,

Love Diana xxxx

[diana]

Hey Liz,

Me again, I just wanted to add a "KUDOS" to you for making the journey to the hospital. Great going!!!!! Keep up the good work.

Take care,

Diana xxx